Taken Sick
by AlOlLove
Summary: Alex/Olivia pre-slash/slash: Alex offers to help when Olivia is sick.
1. Chapter 1

"Liv?" Elliot's voice was anxious.

She turned to face him, trying to will her headache away. "Yeah, what is it El?" she failed to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"You look like hell," he said, bluntly. "Go home."

"M'fine," Olivia protested. "Just a headache," she said. "It'll be gone soon."

He looked disbelieving. "So that wasn't you Fin just heard in the bathroom?"

Olivia blinked and stared at him.

"The walls are thin, Liv," Elliot's voice softened. "And Fin says he heard someone getting real sick in the ladies' room just five minutes ago. The only other woman here right now is Cabot, and she's been in Cragen's office for the past hour. And you look just about as bad as I've ever seen. It doesn't take a detective, detective," he smiled kindly.

"I told you," Olivia said, even as her head pounded and her stomach roiled dangerously. She stood up and tried to make her voice sound as strong as possible. "There's nothing wrong... oh God," she turned a sickly shade of green. Clamping her hand to her mouth she bolted for the bathroom, her gait unsteady. Her stomach heaved, and she knew she didn't have time to make it to the bathroom. She flung herself into the janitor's closet. She braced herself against the large square sink as a hot stream of vomit splattered the porcelain. The exertion exacerbated the excruciating pounding in her head, and she was overwhelmed with nausea as she retched again painfully.

In her misery, Olivia was unaware of Elliot's concerned face peering through the doorway at her, nor did she notice him dart away to get help. Her stomach griped again, but she had nothing left to bring up but acid, which burned horribly at the back of her throat. Her legs started to shake and she knew she would pass out if she tried to stay upright. She leaned against the wall and slid, gracelessly, to the floor, feeling worse than she ever had. She managed to draw up her knees and rested her pounding head on her arms.

She tried to steady her breathing, but every breath she took just made the nausea worse. She swallowed carefully, in an attempt to stop her stomach from turning itself outside in, but she could tell she was only moments from losing control. She whimpered miserably.

"Detective Benson?" a soft, gentle voice broke into her misery. She must really be sick, Olivia thought briefly. Now her fantasies about the beautiful ADA were even following her into her delirium.

"Hey," the voice came again. "It's okay, just try to relax," Olivia felt a cool hand against her forehead.

She tried to look up, but could barely lift her head. "Uhhn," she mumbled incoherently, a thick rope of saliva trailing from her mouth as she tried to pull away. The next thing she knew, a bucket miraculously appeared in her lap as her stomach erupted once more.

Olivia was barely aware of a scratchy police blanket being wrapped round her shoulders. "Dr Warner's on her way," Alex Cabot's voice said gently. "She'll be here in ten."

Olivia closed her eyes and leant back against the cool wall, desperately trying to clear her head. She had been in love with Alex Cabot ever since she first set eyes on her three months ago, but she had managed to keep all her fantasies secret. She didn't understand why she was hearing her voice now. The demure ADA was the last person she could imagine would kneel on the floor in a filthy janitor's closet, using her own handkerchief to, horror of horrors, wipe vomit from the chin of someone she hardly knew. But somehow, maybe, it actually was happening.

"Liv?" Olivia heard Elliot's voice. That was more like it. Her partner had always been there for her, and he wouldn't balk at taking care of her when she needed it. She felt a light squeeze on her hand. She opened her eyes, and saw him in front of her, looking very concerned. "Liv, I'm just gonna carry you to the couch, okay?"

Olivia's stomach twisted horribly. "No," she gasped weakly. "No moving," she begged, swallowing in an attempt to calm her roiling gut. "Please," her words were barely audible.

"Just let her be for a few moments," it was Alex's voice again, quietly authoritative. "She needs to settle."

Olivia felt a warm body sit carefully next to her, leaning against the wall. A slim arm snaked round her shoulders and, instinctively, Olivia leant into the warm embrace.

"She's shaking," the Alex apparition said. "And she's burning up. Is there another blanket?"

A second blanket was draped carefully over Olivia, who was suddenly overcome with a bone-deep exhaustion. Her stomach seemed to have calmed a little, and she became aware of a terrible feeling of cold as well as gnawing pain in her joints which spread rapidly throughout her whole body. She felt herself being pulled gently into a warm lap. "Shh," a voice said quietly. "Try to stay calm. You'll be okay."

a$a$a$a$a$

Alex Cabot was at a loss for words. In the last few weeks, she had used any pretext she could find to spend time at the precinct. She had initially tried to kid herself that it was purely because she wanted to do the best that she could in her job as ADA. But eventually she had to admit to herself that she was spending more time at the one-six than she had at any other precincts in any of her previous positions. No, she knew that her overriding motivation was to be in the presence of a certain brunette detective. Even a glimpse of the beautiful Detective Benson was enough to make any day a good one.

So on this Friday night, she had dropped in on the way home, ostensibly to deliver her findings on a case to Captain Cragen. She had not bargained on being stuck in his office for over an hour, having her ear chewed off about an old case. She had barely even seen Olivia before she was ushered into the closed office; the detective had had her head down over her desk, her body language more tired and defeated than usual. But then it was after 9pm, and Alex was willing to bet a substantial sum that the brunette had been at work since 7am at the latest.

Despite her thoughts being more on her fantasy woman than on Cragen's words, she had still been very startled when Elliot had burst into Cragen's office. "Call Warner," he had yelled. "Olivia's sick."

Alex had leapt to her feet, and run after Elliot as he sprinted back to the janitor's closet. "Let me," she told him as she saw Olivia slide unceremoniously to the floor. She saw her gag convulsively, and managed to get a bucket under her chin just in time.

a$a$a$a$a$

Olivia stayed wrapped in Alex's warm arms as Warner examined her. "Another one," Warner said tiredly. "That's the third I've seen today, and it's not even my job! It's okay, Liv," she said gently as Olivia whimpered as she took her temperature. "It won't last; 24 hours, 36 at the most. It's a vicious bug," she explained to Elliot and Alex. "Seems to be going round. Nausea, high fever. I'm giving her an analgesic," she said as she drew up a syringe. "Then it's rest and fluids. She lives alone, so we should get her admitted, at least for a couple of nights. She shouldn't be left."

Warner's last sentence somehow penetrated the fog of Olivia's brain. "No," Olivia mumbled. "No hospital." She struggled to sit up. "Melinda? El?" her voice was stronger. "Don't let them take me. I'm not going to hospital," tears formed in her eyes. She tried to get upright, but her limbs wouldn't co-operate and she felt as weak as a kitten.

"It's okay," Alex kept her voice calm. "It's just until you feel better."

"El?" Olivia's voice rose, a clear note of panic. "Don't let them. Please Elliot," she fought weakly against Alex's gentle hold.

"She hates hospitals," Elliot explained. "All those times when her mom was taken in. Isn't there another way?"

"She doesn't have any family, I don't think we can count on her mother," Warner said. "She really shouldn't be alone, and she doesn't have anyone to take care of her."

"I'll do it!" Alex realized that it was her own voice she heard. Had she really said that? Olivia barely knew her. Was she taking advantage of her weakness, just because she was captivated by the exotic detective and wanted every chance she could get just to spend time with her. She saw the look of hope in Olivia's pain-filled eyes. "It's Friday," she said, as though in explanation. "It's the weekend. I don't have any plans."

Warner looked doubtful. "Okay..." she said. "I'll drive her. I don't want her in the car for long, she needs rest. I want to get her settled in bed. Then I'll make the final decision. No arguments. Miss Cabot," she turned to Alex. "Are you ready to leave, or do you need to go home first?"

"I'm ready," Alex said firmly. "I'll borrow one of Detective Benson's shirts to sleep in, and I always carry a toothbrush in my purse."

"I think you could start calling her Olivia now," Warner smiled. "You two are gonna get much better acquainted over the next couple of days," she grimaced.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex held tight to Olivia as Warner drove carefully along the New York streets. Despite the doctor's care, however, the slightest movement caused Olivia's stomach to rebel, and twice Alex had to support her as she dry heaved convulsively into the bucket on the short ride home. By the time they reached her apartment, she was making pitiful whimpering sounds, and shaking with fever.

Alex felt relief as she saw the door open and Elliot passed her Olivia's apartment key. "Second floor, apartment 203. You open up, I'll bring Liv." Tenderly, he tucked the blanket round Olivia, and lifted her into his arms; despite her height, she folded up like a child, and buried her face in his warm front.

"Be careful with her," Warner said, unnecessarily.

Elliot just smiled. "Nearly there, Liv," he whispered to Olivia, as he strode towards the entrance.

Olivia had never felt so sick in her life. She just wanted all movement to stop, and to cocoon herself in all the warm blankets she could find. She was desperately thirsty, but doubted her ability to keep anything down. Just the thought of water hitting her tender stomach increased the now-constant nausea. And she was cold. So cold. She had never imagined feeling this cold.

"Put towels down," Warner commanded as Alex pulled the quilt back on Olivia's bed. "She'll sweat through the sheets otherwise," Warner saw Alex's quizzical look. "This way you can just replace the towels."

Alex swallowed. Was she taking on too much offering to take care of the stricken detective?

"It's okay," Melinda Warner smiled reassuringly, guessing at what the lawyer was thinking. "You'll do great. And I live just six blocks away from here. You can call me at any time."

Elliot Stabler lay his partner carefully down on the bed. Reflexively, Olivia moaned, and curled into a fetal ball, trying weakly to drag the quilt over her trembling body.

"Hey, not so fast," Warner's voice was gentler than her words. "Let's get you out of these damp things," she grimaced as she touched Olivia's back, feeling the sweat that had soaked through her t-shirt. "Miss Cabot?" she looked over at Alex.

"Alex, please," Alex said firmly. "What can I do?"

"Help me change her into dry clothes," Warner replied.

The two women worked fast, and within three minutes, Olivia was changed into a button-down flannel shirt. Alex eased the quilt over her.

"Cold," Olivia's speech was barely discernible.

"I know," Warner grabbed an afghan that had been thrown over the chair, tucking it round the sick woman. "This won't last long, I swear."

She took a vial out of her bag, expertly drawing the fluid up into a syringe that she injected into Olivia's arm.

"What's that?" Alex asked.

"It's an anti-emetic," Warner told her. "I dunno how long this nausea is going to last, but that should help, I hope. She needs to start drinking soon, or she'll dehydrate. Olivia," she called softly, smoothing her hand across her friend's fevered brow. "D'you think you can manage some water now, huh?"

Olivia groaned, and buried her face deep into the pillow. "G'way," she slurred. "Leave me alone."

Warner smiled resignedly. "I'll take that as a no," she said good-naturedly.

"Is she going to be okay?" Elliot asked.

"I think so," Warner replied. "She'll feel wretched for a day or two, but the fever should break some time in the next 24 hours," she said. "Until then, we just need to make her as comfortable as we can. Alex," she turned to the blonde, who suddenly felt shaken, the weight of responsibility on her shoulders.

"Huh?" Alex replied, none too coherently.

"Are you okay with this? You just need to stay with her, try and keep her calm. You can cool her down with a damp washcloth if her fever gets worse. And try to get her to take some water if you can. Here," she took a card out of her wallet. "This has my home number, and my cell if you need me. Don't hesitate," she gave her a serious look. "This shouldn't be dangerous, but Olivia's probably feeling sicker than she ever has right now. Keep a watch on her fever. If it gets above 102.5, you call me right away, okay?"

"What if she throws up again?" Alex sounded worried.

"Just try and keep her calm," Warner told her. "And that's not _if_, Alex, it's _when_. This is a nasty bug. According to the hospital, most patients suffer acute nausea for anything up to 18 hours."

"Oh God," Alex said. "Poor Olivia. Can't I do something to help?"

"Just being here is help," Warner's voice was kind. "Stay with her, stop her getting scared. And remember," she pointed to the card, "I'm at the end of a line. Any time. Are you sure you're up to this?"

Alex shook herself. "Of course," she was back in control. "Thanks Dr Warner."

"Melinda," Warner smiled. "Okay," she turned back to her patient. "I need you to sleep, Liv," she said softly, "so I'm giving you a sedative," and she injected the fluid before Olivia had time to notice what was going on. She took her temperature. "100.6," she told Alex. "I think you can expect that to rise, but not too quickly I hope. Can you check it every hour? And call me if you need me," she reiterated. "I'll be back at 6.30am to check on her."

"I can stay," Stabler said, looking at his watch. "I'll help you."

"I thought it was date night tonight?" Warner's eyes twinkled.

"It's a bit late for that now," Elliot grimaced. Kathy was going to be pissed with him.

"We'll be okay," Alex said. "But thanks."

a&a&a&a&a&

Alex waved the doctor and the detective off, and turned back to the bedroom. She wasn't completely confident of her abilities to care for the sick woman, but Melinda had promised her she could be back in under ten minutes, so she felt marginally better.

Olivia was huddled under the covers, just a flushed cheek and the top of her head visible. Every few minutes she mewled pitifully as she shook with fever, every inch of her hurting. Alex settled herself by the bedside, prepared for a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia lurched sideways, as her stomach spasmed painfully. For the sixth time that hour, Alex grabbed the basin and held it as the brunette heaved into it. Despite her stomach having been empty for hours, Olivia couldn't stop her body fighting to expel everything it could.

Alex rubbed her back soothingly, noting that the shirt she wore was drenched with sweat. Finally, Olivia fell back on the pillows, her face a ghastly grey, glistening with sweat.

"I'm just checking your temperature," Alex kept her voice low as she slid the thermometer into Olivia's ear. "102.2," she noted in her pad. Melinda had warned her things would get worse before they got better. She knew she couldn't allow it to get any higher, or she would have to get the doctor to come right over. She knew Olivia couldn't take much more of this, she was getting weaker by the moment, and she hadn't been able to get any fluids into her at all.

"Olivia," Alex wiped the sweat from her forehead. "Olivia, listen to me."

Olivia opened her eyes, seeing three Alex's in front of her.

"You need to try and drink some water," Alex told her. Olivia moaned. "I know you don't want to, but it'll make you feel better. And," Alex grimaced, "if you have to throw up again, it won't hurt as bad. Let's sit you up a little."

She levered Olivia into a half-sitting position, stuffing pillows behind her back so that she didn't slide down. "Here," she held a glass to the detective's chapped lips. "Just a little at a time."

Olivia was desperately thirsty, but at the same time reluctant to put anything into her abused stomach. The cool liquid flowing down her throat made her whimper with gratitude. She tried another sip; bliss.

Alex sat on the edge of the bed, holding the glass to Olivia's lips until she had finished almost half of it. "Okay," she said after a few minutes. "We'll just see how that goes, maybe try some more soon. Now we need to get you out of this," she tugged at the soaked shirt. She felt behind Olivia, and was glad that Warner had suggested the towels. "Just roll to the side," she said as she efficiently replaced the damp towels with clean, dry ones. "Now lean forward if you can," she supported the shaking woman as she leant forward.

"Let's get this off of you," she unbuttoned Olivia's shirt, and peeled it from her shaking body, forcing herself to keep her eyes on the woman's back. She had many times fantasized about helping Olivia out of her clothes, but never in this scenario. She replaced the shirt with a warm towel at the front to preserve the detective's dignity. She took another towel and gently dried off Olivia's back. "Give your front a rub, Olivia," she instructed, but Olivia was barely conscious and remained slumped in the same position. Oh God, Alex thought, just what in the hell do I do now?

She shifted her position so that she was facing the half-sitting Olivia. Tenderly, she pulled her into her arms and held her securely; some of the sweat at least must be soaking into the towel, she reasoned. She reached for the clean shirt she had laid out on the bed and somehow managed to get her into it, which turned out to be no more difficult than nailing jello to the wall.

By the time she was finished, they were both exhausted. She settled Olivia back into the now-dry bed, and pulled the covers up over her. Olivia whispered weakly to her, but Alex could barely hear the words she was forming. "Hold me."

"You want me to hold you?" Alex asked, not sure she had heard right.

"Please," Olivia's voice was so weak. "Scared."

"You don't have to be scared," Alex's voice was comforting. "It's just a bug, Olivia."

Olivia reached out and grasped Alex's arm in her clammy hand. Alex looked at her piercingly. "Okay," she said in a quiet voice. "Let me just get out of this suit. I'm borrowing a shirt, okay?"

Olivia nodded minutely, her breathing rasping a little. Shit, thought Alex. Not a chest infection. Not on top of all this.

Quickly, she stripped out of her clothing, dropping it in the laundry basket, and helped herself to a large Academy t-shirt she found in a drawer. How many times had she imagined doing just this in Olivia's bedroom, but in vastly different circumstances? You should sometimes be careful what you wish for, she realized.

She returned to the bed and, lifting the covers, slid in next to Olivia. The detective was flushed with fever and shaking; Alex then noticed a tear track down her face. "Olivia?" she asked, suddenly more anxious than ever. "What is it?"

"Hurts," Olivia gasped.

"Where does it hurt?" Alex asked.

"Everywhere," Olivia's voice was so weak, and she struggled not to cough.

"It'll stop soon," Alex soothed. "Here, we'll raise you up a bit," and she pulled her into her lap. "That should help with your chest. It's okay." She took the damp washcloth from the nightstand, and held it to Olivia's flushed forehead. With her other hand, she softly stroked her back. "Just relax," she whispered.

a&a&a&a&a&

For two hours, Olivia slept soundly. Alex was also exhausted and desperately wanted to shut her eyes, but forced herself to stay awake while she kept vigil.

At 3am, Olivia suddenly jerked awake, crying out with fear as she sat up and tried to disentangle her legs from the sheets.

"It's alright, Liv," Alex placed a warm hand on her back. "You had a nightmare. You're okay. You're home, you're safe."

Olivia turned to face her, and Alex saw the panic leach slowly from her face. She nodded slowly, her face as pale as a sheet. "I'm sick," she whispered, remembering some of the previous few hours.

Alex smiled. "That's right. You've been very sick. That's why you feel so bad. Can you manage some water?"

Olivia nodded, and put her hand out for the glass. Her hand was shaking so badly that Alex just held it to her lips again, her other hand cupping the back of her head as she drank.

"Better?" Alex asked.

Olivia nodded again, but shivered involuntarily.

"Let's see what the thermometer says," Alex said, keeping her voice calm and unthreatening, as she slipped it into her ear. "101.2. Well that's a step in the right direction," she said, trying not to show the relief that she felt. She had been moments away from calling Warner in when Olivia had been at her sickest. "Can you sleep some more?" she asked.

Olivia didn't reply, but turned and buried herself under the covers, reaching out for Alex and settling herself in her lap again. "Lie down," Olivia said to her. "Sleep."

Alex realized that she was more tired than she had ever remembered being. Olivia's fever was falling, and she hadn't thrown up in nearly three hours. "Okay," she said, and snuggled down. Olivia readjusted to the new angle, but didn't release her hold on Alex.

Alex awoke to the sound of the key turning in the lock. She looked down at Olivia, realizing that, in the night, Olivia's hand had crept up inside Alex's t-shirt and was unwittingly cupping her left breast. Alex took a brief moment, closing her eyes and relishing the soft hand that held her. If only this could really be happening, she thought, and not just because Olivia had been delirious the night before. Concerned for Olivia's health, she reached out and felt her forehead. Still far too warm, but so much better than she had been just seven hours before.

Reluctantly, she very gently removed Olivia's hand from her breast, and sat up carefully in the bed, trying not to disturb the patient. As she got to her feet, Melinda Warner opened the bedroom door, an enquiring look on her face. Alex smiled tiredly, but put a thumb up to indicate the improved situation. Melinda withdrew to the kitchen, and Alex joined her, shrugging on the robe that Olivia kept on the back of the bedroom door.

"Well?" Warner asked.

"She's much better," Alex told her. "Fever's way down now."

"Rough night?" Warner saw the shadows under her eyes.

"Oh God yes," Alex said. "She was so sick. I nearly called you. Her fever spiked at 102.2. I've never seen anyone that sick before," she realized that her eyes were filling with tears, and there was nothing she could do about it. She knew she was ridiculous; here she was, a hard-assed ADA, losing control just because someone she barely knew had been sick.

She didn't notice as Warner approached her, so jumped at the hand on her arm. "You did good, counselor," Warner said in a quiet voice. "You took care of her. She probably should have been in the hospital, but you saved her from that. She's still asleep now?"

Alex nodded, trying to pull herself together.

"Let me just check her over," Warner headed for the bedroom.

"I'll put the coffee on," Alex tried to marshall herself.

a&a&a&a&a&

Warner emerged nearly ten minutes later, a warm smile on her face. "What a difference from last night," she said. "Fever's way down, 100.4. I've given her painkillers and another sedative, she's exhausted. She'll probably sleep for two days straight. Are you okay to stay here today?"

Alex nodded. "Of course," she said.

"Try and get her to drink every couple of hours. No food though. We'll maybe try something plain tomorrow. I'll be back this afternoon, around 5pm, okay?"

"I'll be here," Alex said.

Warner smiled as she let herself out of the apartment.

Alex drank her coffee, but it failed to wake her up much. She went back into the bedroom with the intention of grabbing a blanket and crashing out on the couch in the living room. Olivia cranked one eye open when she entered. She shifted slightly in the bed. "Stay," Olivia said.

It was one word. Alex knew that she shouldn't, that her friend – well, more of an acquaintance, if she was honest with herself – was still sick. She should not take advantage of that, though she couldn't think of anything nicer than having Olivia in her arms again.

"Please," Olivia spoke again, the word slurring as exhaustion overwhelmed her. So Alex climbed into the bed next to her. Olivia reached out, and before Alex knew what was happening, Olivia's head was pillowed on her front, her arm wrapped tightly round Alex.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a full four hours later that Olivia awoke. "Hey," Alex said gently. She had been awake for the last 20 minutes, and had just lain there, watching Olivia's chest rise and fall evenly, trying not to wake her. "How are you feeling?"

Olivia blinked. "Awful," she admitted after a beat.

"Here," Alex reached over to the nightstand. "Warner says you should take two of these every few hours. You think you can manage that?" she noticed the green cast that crossed Olivia's face at the thought of swallowing the tablets.

Olivia grimaced. "I'll try," her voice was still thin and reedy. She reached out and took one of the tablets from Alex.

"Here, have some water," Alex kept hold of the cup again, as Olivia sipped.

Olivia's stomach churned, and for one horrible moment she thought she was going to be sick. Yet again. She swallowed carefully, refusing to give in.

Alex noticed the difficulties that Olivia was having, and rubbed her back very gently. She said nothing, waiting for the detective to get a hold of herself. After what was probably only two minutes, but seemed much longer, Olivia's expression relaxed marginally.

"Want to try the second one?" Alex asked.

Olivia shook her head.

"Water?" Alex suggested.

"Maybe a little," Olivia sipped gingerly. "S'enough," she said thickly after only one sip.

Alex replaced the glass on the nightstand, and turned as she felt Olivia wrap her arms around her once more.

"Love you," Olivia whispered, her mind in that quiet place between wakefulness and sleep.

Alex's heart filled. She knew that Olivia was still very sick, and that she didn't know what she was saying. But it seemed that maybe Alex's hopes were not so ill-founded. She smiled to herself, and let her fingers run through Olivia's hair. "Sleep now," she whispered.

a&a&a&a&a&

Alex was settled on the couch in Olivia's living room later that same evening. As Melinda Warner had said she would, Olivia had been asleep all day, with only occasional periods of wakefulness when Alex persuaded her to take some water. She had also made one foray into the bathroom, scaring the hell out of Alex when her legs turned to jelly as she made her way back to the bed; it was only Alex's quick reactions that prevented her crashing unceremoniously to the floor. She was as weak as a kitten, and the fright of her near-accident had made her sob with frustration. Alex soothed her back to sleep, and she had remained asleep since then.

Alex looked at her watch, realizing it was over two hours since she had managed to get any water into her, so she stood up and took a fresh glass from the cupboard in the kitchen. She was filling it, when she heard a soft tap at the door. She went over to the spyhole in the door, and looked out. With relief, she saw Olivia's partner Elliot standing in the hallway. She opened the door to let him in.

"How is she?" Elliot kept his voice low.

"Much better," Alex told him. "She's had a hell of a time of it, but she's through the worst."

"Thank God," Elliot said, and Alex nodded her agreement, not trusting herself to speak. "Can I see her?"

"I was just heading in there, to get her to take some water," Alex said. "Why don't you do it?"

a&a&a&a&a&

"Huh?" Olivia was confused as a warm hand shook her shoulder gently.

"Hey, Liv," Elliot said. "I just wanted to see how you were. Here," he set the glass on the nightstand. "Let me help you up."

Olivia looked at Elliot, struggling to focus.

"You still look like crap," Elliot smiled affectionately.

"Well, that's how I feel," Olivia's voice was hoarse.

"How are you doing?" Elliot asked.

"I'll be okay," Olivia told him. "What happened? The last thing I remember is throwing up at the precinct."

"You've been real sick, Liv," Elliot explained. "But you're much better now," he reached out and smoothed the matted hair off her brow.

"I don't feel it," Olivia snapped.

Elliot smiled. "You're feeling up to complaining," he said mildly. "I'd say that's a good sign."

Olivia had the grace to look ashamed. "Have you been with me this whole time?" she asked him.

He shook his head. "Nope, not me. Alex has been here, right from the start. She's been taking care of you Liv. Remember that next time you ask her for a warrant!" he smiled.

"Alex?" Olivia asked. "Alex Cabot? ADA Cabot?"

"You know any other Alex's?" Elliot teased.

"But she barely knows me," Olivia said, in wonderment. Maybe some of the fever dreams she'd been having weren't dreams? She shook her head to dispel the confusion, and immediately regretted it as pain coursed through her skull.

"Right time, right place, I guess," Elliot said. "Hey," he noticed her changing expression. "Take it easy. C'mon Liv," he coaxed, "lie down. You're going to be out of commission for a couple of weeks, Warner says."

"Melinda?" Olivia's voice was fading, and she shuffled back under the covers. "Don't tell me she was here too?"

"For some of the time," Elliot said, drawing up the quilt over her shoulders. "Only Alex has been here the whole time."

Olivia was asleep.

a&a&a&a&a&

Seven hours later, Olivia awoke and it was pitch black in her bedroom. She needed to use the bathroom, so switched on the lamp on the nightstand, and sat blinking as her eyes got used to the unaccustomed light.

A moment later, there was a tap on her door, and Alex stuck her head round. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

Olivia stared at her. "You're still here," her voice was still weak.

Alex came fully into the room. "Of course," she said. "I'm not going anywhere until you're feeling much stronger. How are you feeling?" she put her hand to her forehead, relieved to feel that her temperature had fallen again.

Olivia nodded briefly. "M'okay, I think," she said. "So tired. And," she allowed herself a small smile, "gotta pee!"

Alex put out both hands to help her stand. "Easy now," she said caringly. "There's no hurry."

Olivia nodded at her gratefully, happy to have someone to lean on as she walked the few steps to the bathroom. "I think I've got it from here," she said, as she stepped into the room. When she emerged a few moments later, she was relieved that Alex was still standing there, and immediately leaned into her. She suspected that, without Alex's help, she would have trouble making it safely back to the bed.

In the few moments she had been in the bathroom, Alex had stripped the towels off the bed, and straightened the sheets, plumping the pillows. She walked Olivia back to the bed, and winced in sympathy as Olivia grunted in pain as she sat down on the bed.

Olivia's hand went to her tender stomach; she felt as though she had been kicked by a donkey. She looked up at Alex.

"Sore?" Alex asked, solicitously.

"Really sore," Olivia admitted. "What the hell happened to me?"

"You threw up almost continuously for five hours," Alex told her, as she lifted her legs onto the bed. "Your stomach muscles must be screaming."

"Not kidding," Olivia's voice was starting to fade. "Did you have to see all that?" she asked. "Who was here?"

Alex pushed her gently onto her back, and pulled the covers over her. "It's okay," she said quietly. "It was just you and me. It's over now. You'll start to feel better soon. Your fever is nearly gone, you just need to recover."

"So sorry," Olivia was almost asleep.

"You don't need to apologize," Alex's voice was calm and soothing. "Sleep now."

"Wha's the time?" Olivia slurred.

Alex looked at her watch, and saw that it was 3.22am. "It doesn't matter. Just close your eyes. I'll be here when you wake up."


	5. Chapter 5

**[Thank you so much everybody for all the kind reviews, they have spurred me on to continue with my first attempt at fanfic. I really appreciate your feedback.]**

It was nearly 10am when Olivia stirred again. She eased herself out of bed, and used the bathroom, relieved to find that she was marginally steadier on her feet. She went into the living room, and found Alex sitting on her couch reading. She noticed that Alex was wearing a pair of her old sweats and one of her t-shirts.

Alex looked up, and sprang to her feet. "Hey," she said. "You're looking a little better. Come and sit," she led her to the couch and shook out the blanket she had used the night before, tucking it round Olivia. "Can you manage some tea?"

Olivia nodded.

A few moments later, Alex handed her a steaming cup. "Careful," Alex warned. "Is that okay? You're not gonna spill?"

Olivia nodded again, and concentrated on stilling her hands. She took a sip. "Oh God that's good," she said. She smiled at Alex. "Thank you."

Alex smiled back.

"I mean it," Olivia said. "Thank you. For everything. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but as far as I can tell, you've been with me the whole time."

"It was nothing," Alex said.

"You wouldn't lie to a detective, would you counselor?" Olivia's spark was returning.

"I was happy to do it," Alex said. "Elliot said you hate hospitals."

Olivia's face clouded. She nodded, and her lower lip trembled. She still felt lousy, and she didn't feel like she had a hold on her emotions. "Yeah," her voice was rough.

"How do you feel now?" Alex could tell Olivia wanted a change of subject.

"Okay," Olivia said.

"Who's lying now?" Alex grinned at Olivia.

Olivia smiled deprecatingly. "It's all relative," she said.

"So what you're saying is that you still feel like shit, but at least you don't feel like throwing up everything including your toenails any more," Alex's expression was kind.

"Yeah, that's about right," Olivia admitted, trying unsuccessfully not to cough. "I don't think I've ever been this tired."

"I don't think you've ever been this sick either," Alex spoke gently. "You finish your tea. I'll change your sheets and air the room for a half hour. And then we're getting you back in bed. Do you want to try something bland to eat yet?"

Olivia shook her head. "No," she said quickly.

"Too early for that, huh?" Alex replied.

Olivia nodded. "There's no food in the house anyway," she admitted, embarrassed at her lack of housekeeping skills.

Alex smiled again. "There is now," she told her. "Did you know the grocery store three blocks away delivers?"

Olivia looked surprised. "I didn't know that."

a&a&a&a&a&

When Alex emerged from Olivia's room twenty minutes later, the soiled sheets in her arms, she saw that the brunette had fallen to sleep again. She looked comfortable where she was, so Alex decided to leave her for a while, so that the open windows in her bedroom would chase away the stale air. She put the sheets in the washing machine, first moving the just-washed towels to the table before she hung them on the clothes airer. She added her own blouse and underwear to the load of laundry, and switched the machine on.

Two hours later, Olivia stirred.

"Hey," Alex looked over the top of her glasses, putting her book to one side.

"Hey," Olivia replied. "Sorry, didn't mean to fall asleep." She swallowed, painfully. Her throat felt sore, almost burned. She realized it was because of all the vomiting she had been doing, as well as the cough that wouldn't quite go.

Alex spotted her swallow. "How does some orange juice sound to you?" she asked.

"Like nectar," Olivia replied.

Alex returned with a glass she had filled from a jug in the fridge. Olivia took a grateful swallow. "Freshly squeezed?" she was astonished.

Alex blushed. "You can't beat it," she said. "Especially when you're sick. Anyway," she shrugged, "I needed the exercise," she said, jokingly.

Olivia was unexpectedly moved by this small kindness. "Why are you being so sweet to me?" the words were out of her mouth before she realized.

"You needed someone to take care of you. I was free. And I like you. I know we haven't got to know each other well yet, but I'd really like it if you were my friend."

"Me too," Olivia replied shyly. "Thank you," she said again.

When she had finished her glass, Alex took it from her and set it on the table. She put both hands out. "Bed," she said firmly. "You look like you could sleep for a week."

a&a&a&a&a&

On the following morning, Alex phoned the office. "I'm taking some personal time," she told her secretary. "I'll be out for two days at least, maybe more. I need to take care of a sick friend. You can reach me on my cell."

By 11am, Alex was concerned that she hadn't seen Olivia, so she stuck her head round the bedroom door. She was enchanted to see her friend still sleeping, like an angel. Olivia's expression was, at last, peaceful, and Alex realized what a relief it was that she was on the road to recovery. She had hated seeing her in such pain and distress.

She couldn't help noticing that the covers had slid half way down the bed, and that Olivia's nightshirt had ridden up, revealing an expanse of shapely thigh. "God you're beautiful," Alex whispered. She reached over and drew the covers back over her friend. She left the room, shutting the door quietly.

Eventually, just before 2pm, Olivia emerged from the bedroom, her hair disheveled. She had regained some of the color in her face, though her gait was still unsteady.

Alex smiled warmly at her, as Olivia sat next to her on the couch. "Breakfast at Tiffanys?" Olivia read the cover of the book she was reading, and smiled. "Now I thought you'd have more highbrow tastes than that, counselor!"

Alex grinned. "It's _your_ bookshelf, detective," she countered.

Olivia grinned back. "You look good in those sweats," she said, tugging at the leg of Alex's pants.

"You don't mind, do you?" Alex asked, realizing that she hadn't been able to ask permission to rifle through the detective's closets to find something to wear.

"After everything you've done for me?" Olivia replied. "No, of course I don't mind. I'm just amazed that you can make my old running clothes look so good. Though I'll bet you look good in anything."

Alex blushed at the words, and got up from the couch. She cleared her throat. "Could you manage something light now?" she suggested. "How about a poached egg?"

Olivia nodded. "I think that might be good. I do feel a little hungry."

"I'm not surprised," Alex said. "You haven't had anything to eat since Friday lunchtime, and it's Monday afternoon now. You must be famished."

"Monday?" Olivia asked. "I should be at work. _You_ should be at work. Shit, Alex, I hope you're not going to get in trouble," she started to cough.

Alex knelt in front of Olivia, grasping both hands in her own. "You are not going back in this week, or next. Warner has made her feelings quite clear on that; Cragen agrees with her. You're on downtime."

"What about you?" Olivia said weakly, the short burst of adrenaline having exhausted her.

"I've told them I'm with a friend today and tomorrow, and that we'll see how it goes after that. We've got no urgent cases, and they owe me the hours," Alex explained.

"Why are you doing this for me?" Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "You hardly know me."

"I told you," Alex said quietly. "And I'd really like to know you better." She turned away. "A _lot_ better," she said under her breath.

"I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with right now," Olivia blurted out. "You've been so kind, and sweet. Thank you."

"Any time," Alex casually dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Now, I'm going to poach this egg, and then I'm going to draw you a bath. And after that, I guess you'll want to sleep some more?"

"Can I stay on the couch this afternoon?" Olivia knew her voice sounded pleading and pathetic. "Even if I fall asleep there?"

"Of course you can," Alex said.

a&a&a&a&a&

When Warner made her daily visit at 7pm that night, she let herself in, and was touched to see Olivia nestled in Alex's lap on the couch. Both women were asleep. The doctor could see that Olivia's recovery was progressing well. She took out her pen and wrote a short note. "_You were both asleep, so I didn't want to disturb you. Call me if you need anything. Melinda_." She left the note on the kitchen counter, and slipped out of the apartment.

a&a&a&a&a&

Alex stayed with Olivia all of the next day, despite vociferous protests from the brunette detective. "I'm fine, now, Alex," she had declared, but then coughed as her weakened chest let her down.

"I'll go back Friday," Alex compromised. "As long as you'll let me come back and make you lunch. And I'm staying on your couch, at least until after the weekend. No discussion."

Olivia happily agreed. She still tired after only the slightest exertion, but she was starting to feel so much better. And, she realized, she was enjoying every second of the blonde ADA's company. If she had thought she had fallen for her before, that was nothing to how her feelings were developing, as she got to know her better. She had shown herself to be kinder and more caring than Olivia had ever imagined, and she also had a brilliant mind, as well as an acute sense of humor. It didn't hurt that she was effortlessly beautiful.

If Olivia had thought about it, she would have imagined that her old running clothes would have made Alex less attractive, but if anything it was the opposite. Because she had been so concerned about Olivia, Alex had not bothered with any make-up, and clearly cared very little about what she was wearing. Olivia now realized that her beauty was entirely natural, and there was no sight more appealing than Alex throwing her head back and laughing, her face devoid of cosmetics, her posture relaxed. Olivia realized that she was in grave danger of hopeless infatuation.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex let herself into the apartment at lunchtime that Friday, bearing a paper sack containing soup from the deli, fresh bread and fruit. She knew Olivia was still not up to much more in the way of food.

The apartment looked empty, and she started to worry that Olivia had taken a turn for the worse and been taken away in an ambulance. Just then, the bedroom door opened, and a sleep-rumpled Olivia emerged.

"Hey Olivia," Alex took a step towards her, and peered anxiously at her face, relieved to see nothing amiss.

"Hi Alex," Olivia said. "I'm sorry, I meant to be up and dressed by lunch. You must be sick of the sight of me in my nightclothes."

Alex swallowed. She could never imagine being sick of the sight of Olivia, whatever she was, or wasn't, wearing.

"Did you sleep?" she asked Olivia.

"Yeah," Olivia sounded frustrated. "That's all I can seem to do. I don't think I've ever felt so tired."

"Your body must need it," Alex told her, with a smile. "Are you up to a light lunch, d'you think?" 

Olivia nodded, and smiled, tiredly.

The two women sat at the table, relaxed and comfortable in each other's company. Just as Alex was clearing the dishes, there was a knock at the door. Olivia moved as though to get up, but Alex was faster. Putting her hand on the brunette's should, she said, "you stay there, I'll get it."

Alex was pleased to see Melinda Warner through the spyhole, though she didn't recognize the young girl with her. She opened the door and smiled.

The child, who was seven years old at most Alex guessed, darted past Alex and flung herself at Olivia. "Auntie Livvie!" she cried.

"Easy there, Gracie," Melinda told the child. "Remember, Auntie Livvie's been real sick."

Olivia laughed at the enthusiasm and energy of the child. She swept her up into a big hug, and kissed her on the cheek. "Don't listen to your ma," she said, a conspiratorial grin on her face, "I'm all better now. And I'm thrilled to see you!"

"I hope you don't mind," Melinda said to Alex. "We're on our way to the market, and I didn't want to leave her in the car."

"You did the right thing," Alex said. "What a beautiful girl," she looked over at the girl, whose long hair had been tied into dozens of braids, and each braid was loaded with endless bright-colored beads. The child's smile was wide and infectious, and Alex was delighted to see Olivia chatting enthusiastically with her, and tickling her which sent her into raptures of giggles. Clearly Olivia knew her well.

Melinda smiled. "She's a handful," she said, but could not hide the pride in her voice.

"Your daughter?" Alex guessed.

Melinda nodded.

"I didn't know you had a daughter," Alex told her. "She seems a real live wire."

"She loves her Auntie Livvie," Melinda said. "Olivia's a wonderful godmother to her."

"I didn't know she was a godmother," Alex said. "I suppose there's a lot about her I don't know."

"You'll enjoy learning about each other," Melinda said, cryptically. "Okay, Olivia," she addressed her friend. "Let's go into the bedroom. I just want to check a few things with you."

Olivia rolled her eyes, in mock-exasperation, making the girl giggle afresh. "I'd better do what your mother says. Will you two be okay to keep each other company in here?" she looked over at Alex.

Alex smiled. "Of course," she replied. "Gracie can tell me what it's like having a big, bad detective as a godmother," she grinned.

Grace laughed. "Auntie Livvie's not bad!" she laughed at the idea. "I love her."

"I'm pleased to hear that, kiddo," Olivia said, as she and Melinda disappeared into the bedroom.

a&a&a&a&a&

"So how are you really?" Melinda looked Olivia directly in the eye. "The truth, please."

Olivia smiled. "I'm okay," she said. "But I've never been so exhausted. Please tell me I'll be back at work soon."

"Not for at least a week," Melinda told her. "Maybe two. You've been very sick, Liv," her tone was serious. "Even with Alex taking care of you, I was close to having you admitted."

"She's been so kind," Olivia lay back on the bed as instructed.

Melinda drew Olivia's shirt up to just below her breasts, and palpated her flat stomach gently. She watched Olivia's expression carefully. "You still have some pain?"

"It's much better," Olivia told her. "Truly."

"Any nausea?" the doctor asked.

"Hardly at all," Olivia answered, which earned her a sharp glance from the doctor.

"Have you been sick today?" Melinda demanded.

Olivia shook her head. "Not for ages," she said.

Melinda took out her stethoscope. "Can you sit up for me?" she asked. She checked Olivia's heart rate and breathing, raising her shirt at the back to get a full reading.

"Your chest still bothering you?" Melinda asked.

"A little," Olivia admitted. "But not as much as before."

"Your immune system has been compromised," Melinda told her. "Any kind of infection can take hold much faster than usual. You swear you'll call me straight away if it gets worse?"

Olivia nodded. "I promise."

a&a&a&a&a&

"So you're on your way to the market?" Alex asked Gracie.

Gracie giggled. "We have to get some stuff for my mom," she told her. "She's having a baby, and she's eating all sorts of crazy food. Ma says lots of pregnant ladies do that."

"I didn't know Melinda was pregnant!" Alex exclaimed.

Gracie laughed again. "No, silly," she said. "Not my ma. My mom. I've got two mothers," she explained slowly to Alex, clearly used to having to clarify the situation. "It's my mom who's having the baby. The baby's coming soon, ma says, just a few more weeks."

"Well that's very exciting," Alex said. "So tell me Gracie, what crazy food does your mom want you to get?"

Gracie screwed up her face. "She wants feta cheese and chocolate spread. But she wants them both together in a sandwich. Ew, gross," she made her disgust quite clear.

Alex laughed. "You're right, that is a crazy combination. Do you want a glass of orange juice while we're waiting?"

Gracie nodded, enthusiastically.

a&a&a&a&a&

"So, doctor," Olivia said wryly. "Am I going to live?"

"For a couple of months at least," Melinda grinned back. "But I want you to take these for your chest," she was writing out a prescription, "twice a day. Can Alex get that filled for you?"

"I'll ask," Olivia said. "Though I'm sure I can make it to the drug store, it's only across the road, and the fresh air..."

"You are going nowhere," Melinda's voice was firm. "Not until that chest clears up. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am," Olivia smiled.

"I'm glad you're better," Melinda impulsively pulled the taller woman into a hug.

"Me too," Olivia said, returning the embrace. "Thank you for all you've done. I do realize this is not part of your job."

"We're friends," Melinda said. "Good friends. I know how you feel about hospitals, hell, about doctors in general. It's the least I can do."

Olivia smiled, a lump forming in her throat. "I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate it."

"I know," Melinda's voice was serious. "There's one more thing I want to know."

Olivia looked at her. "What's that?"

"I want to know when you are going to ask her out," Melinda said. "She's totally smitten with you."

Olivia looked startled. "Oh no, it's not like that," she stuttered. "She's just been taking care of me. She's been really kind. But she's not gay, I'm sure of that."

Melinda snorted. "She is _so_ gay," she said. "And she's fallen hard for you. I've seen how she looks at you Liv. What's wrong, aren't you interested in her?"

Olivia shook her head. "It's not that. I just never thought... you really think she might be gay?"

"Trust me," Melinda put her hand over Olivia's. "Ask her out. She's not going to turn you down."


	7. Chapter 7

"I'll see you soon, Auntie Livvie," Gracie hugged Olivia hard. "And when you're all better, you can come play on my new trampoline. You can too," she said to Alex. "Do you like trampolines?" she asked the blonde ADA.

"I _love_ trampolines, Gracie," Alex said, and was touched when the girl hugged her too.

"Good," the child said. "I like you."

"I like you too, Gracie," Alex told her. "Very much."

After they had waved goodbye to the doctor and her daughter, Alex eyed Olivia. "You're exhausted," she stated.

"No, I'm..." Olivia started to demur.

"You're exhausted," Alex repeated firmly. "Come on; you need to lie down."

She pushed Olivia towards the bedroom, and smiled as the detective obediently climbed under the covers.

"I'll see you this evening," Alex told her. "Sleep well."

"Alex?" Olivia's voice was sleepy.

"Yes?" Alex asked.

Olivia looked at her, courage failing her at the last minute. "Nothing," she said. "Doesn't matter." She turned her head and buried it in the pillow.

"I'll be back this evening, if you want to talk," Alex said.

a&a&a&a&a&

"So how old is Gracie?" Alex asked, chewing on a mouthful of Chinese noodles.

"She was six last month," Olivia told her. "Isn't she wonderful? I just love her."

"She loves you too, that's very clear. So how long have you known Melinda? I thought you only met her through the job."

Olivia shook her head. "I've known her for about eleven years," she told her. "It's a total coincidence that the one-six uses her ME's office. I was pleased when I realized I'd be working with her though, she's always been a real professional."

"How did you meet?" Alex pressed.

"I first met her in a bar," Olivia swallowed, wondering how much to tell Alex. She took a deep breath. "A gay bar. We dated for nearly a year, on and off," she looked down at her food, frightened of seeing Alex's reaction in her eyes.

"Oh," Alex said. "_Oh_," she repeated. "So you're..."

"A lesbian," Olivia screwed up her courage, and looked her straight in the eye. She smiled to try and lessen the tension. "A single lesbian, who hasn't had sex in three years, but nevertheless... a lesbian." She found she couldn't decipher the look in Alex's eyes. "Are you shocked?" she asked in a quiet voice.

Alex sat, open-mouthed, for what seemed like minutes, but was probably only ten seconds. She then smiled tenderly, and reached out and put her hand over Olivia's. "No," she said, her voice shaking. "I'm not shocked. Far from it. I'm relieved. Delighted. In truth, I'm thrilled."

Olivia looked askance at her.

"It makes what I've been trying to say all night so much easier. Olivia Benson," Alex grinned, at the mock-formality of her delivery. "Would you consider going on a date with me? Once you've recovered, that is?"

It was Olivia's turn for silence. "Are you telling me...?" she asked eventually.

"That you aren't the only lesbian in the room?" Alex grinned. "That's exactly what I'm telling you. And I think that you are... well, you're just beautiful. I can't remember when I have felt so attracted to someone."

Olivia snorted. "Now I know you're kidding me," she said. "You've seen me at my very worst."

Alex squeezed Olivia's fingers. Her voice trembled with emotion. "And you never stopped being beautiful," she told her. "Not for one second."

"I can't believe this is happening," Olivia started to cough again. "Damn it," she cursed. "How to ruin a romantic moment," she caught her breath.

"You haven't given me an answer yet," Alex said.

Olivia looked deep into her eyes. "Of course I'll go on a date with you. I'd go anywhere with you, Alexandra Cabot. I think I fell for you the moment I saw you." She leant over the table, and kissed Alex very softly on the lips. The kiss was tender and sweet and undemanding.

Alex felt her heart fill with joy.

a&a&a&a&a&

Olivia had never imagined that she could attract somebody as beautiful, confident, sophisticated, accomplished – and downright sexy – as Alexandra Cabot. She had always felt socially awkward, which she knew was due in great part to her unconventional upbringing and to her mother's constant quiet fury. If she thought about it, she may have realized that it was this very isolation that made her connect so well with the victims that she dealt with. They were damaged, and so was she. So Olivia just sat and stared at Alex for a full minute, taking in the momentous turn that her life was taking.

"What?" Alex asked, a wide smile gracing her lips. "What? Do I have soy sauce on my chin or something?"

Olivia smiled back. She reached out and took Alex's hand, bringing it to her lips. She kissed the soft fingers. "No," her voice was almost a whisper. "I just never imagined being this happy. I know this is putting a hell of a lot of pressure on our first date, but I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. Ever. I hardly know you, but I feel as though I have known you my whole life."

Alex's eyes filled with tears. "I feel the exact same way," she said, her voice rough with emotion. "There's just something about you. I think I may have been waiting my whole life to meet you."

Olivia's face darkened. "There's some stuff about me," she was hesitant. "I have some baggage."

Alex got up from her seat and stood in front of Olivia. She cupped Olivia's face with both hands, "We all have baggage, Liv," she said quietly. "There's nothing you can tell me that will make you any less attractive to me. I've seen how you are. You're sweet and caring. And unbelievably compassionate." She reached out and wiped away the tears that were rolling down Olivia's face. She kissed her, so softly and tenderly that Olivia couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips.

Alex pulled back, and looked deep into Olivia's chocolate eyes. "I know all about your conception," she said quietly. "And I know that your mother has never forgiven you, and for that I can never forgive her."

"You know?" Olivia's emotions threatened to overwhelm her.

"I'm sorry," Alex said. "I hate gossip; I felt as though I was intruding on your life when I heard. You have to know I wasn't snooping."

Olivia reached out and grasped both of Alex's hands. "I know that," she said. She smiled wanly at the beautiful blonde. "So," she cleared her throat. "We're really going to try this?"

Alex smiled back. "There's nothing I have ever wanted more."

a&a&a&a&a&

Alex nudged the sleeping Olivia. After their declarations of love for each other, they had moved to the couch, where they talked until nearly midnight. Every now and then, they broke off from their conversation to just stare at each other, or to touch, or to kiss. They knew that they were at a very early stage of their relationship, and that there were so many discoveries to make, so much to learn about each other.

Eventually, Olivia had fallen to sleep in Alex's arms. Alex just lay there, and looked down at her friend – girlfriend now, she guessed – in wonder. Olivia was still pale, and her chest still rasped a little, but she was thankfully on the mend. Alex tried to shake the memories of when Olivia had been so sick. She never wanted to see her in such pain or distress again.

"C'mon, honey," Alex's voice was soothing. "Not that I'm not loving holding you here, but you need your sleep Olivia."

Olivia stirred, and opened her eyes, blinking against the light. She saw Alex's face, and smiled. She reached out and touched her soft cheek. "So it wasn't a dream," she said.

Alex smiled in response. "No, Liv, not a dream."

"It's better than any dream I've ever had," Olivia told her.

"Me too," Alex agreed. "Now up," she climbed off the couch, and put both hands out. "You need to sleep."

Olivia reluctantly let the blonde pull her to her feet, stumbling slightly as she tried to shake the drowsiness.

Alex pushed her towards the bathroom. "You wash up, I'll get your pills, and a glass of water in case you get thirsty during the night."

Five minutes later, Olivia settled into the bed. Alex pulled the covers over her. "Stay?" Olivia asked.

"We don't want to rush things," Alex said quietly. "Soon," she promised, suddenly a little nervous.

Olivia nodded her understanding. "You'll be here on the weekend?"

"I'm not going anywhere," Alex told her. "I'll be on the couch. And yes, I want to spend the weekend with you. Every minute, if that's okay.

Olivia smiled, as she burrowed into the pillow. "Love you," she said as she drifted off.

"I love you too," Alex whispered. "So much."


	8. Chapter 8

Alex smiled to herself as she settled on Olivia's couch for the night. She knew it was very early days, and that to even think in terms of a relationship was premature, but she genuinely could not think of a time in her life when she had been more filled with happiness – and hope. She settled down, snuggling into the cushions. The couch was old and lumpy, but its proximity to Olivia made it seem to the most comfortable place in the world.

The sound of violent coughing dragged Alex from her slumbers. She sat up blinking in the pitch black, processing what the sound meant to her sleep-fogged brain. She sprinted to the bedroom, where she found Olivia, half sitting, trying unsuccessfully to calm her convulsing lungs.

She switched on the light on the nightstand, and sat on the edge of the bed, putting one arm behind Olivia, levering her upright. She made gentle shushing sounds, as she rubbed comforting circles on her back. Olivia relaxed marginally in her hold. "It's okay," Alex said after a moment. "It'll all be okay. Just focus on your breathing."

"Sorry," Olivia gasped. "Didn't mean... wake you... oh God... can't stop."

"Don't try to talk," Alex's voice was firm and comforting. "You're tensing up and making it worse. Just concentrate on the sound of my voice. Try to breathe in. That's it, you're doing good. Now out. In. Hold it for a just a moment. Out," she was concerned to hear the congestion in Olivia's lungs, but knew she had to stop the spasms currently rocking her girlfriend's body.

Slowly the panic started to leave Olivia and she was able to gain control of her lungs.

"You're doing really well," Alex's voice reassured her. She drew the blanket round Olivia's shoulders. "That's it, honey. Nearly better, huh?" she smiled at the exhausted detective. "Just relax against me for a little while," she slid a warm arm round Olivia's waist and pulled her to her. "There," she soothed, "it's all done now."

Olivia nodded, feeling weak and pathetic as she melted into the embrace. "S'ry," her voice was faint.

"No talking, remember?" Alex chided teasingly. "We're okay now," she tightened her grip, and placed a kiss on her girlfriend's brow. She frowned, feeling the skin warmer than it should be. She put the back of her hand to her forehead to check. Definitely a fever, she realized. It wasn't bad, but it was the last thing Olivia needed after the traumas of the past few days. She knew Melinda had warned her that her weakness made her susceptible to infections, but this really didn't seem fair. She looked at Olivia's, and was relieved to see that all the fear had left her face, her expression tired and wan but otherwise okay.

"Okay," Alex said after holding Olivia silently for nearly ten minutes. She leaned her forward while she put pillows behind her back, and then leant her back tenderly into the soft bolster. "Just sit here a while. I'm gonna warm up some carrot juice."

At Olivia's bemused expression, she smiled. "Old Cabot family recipe. Warm carrot juice to calm a cough. Grandma Cabot used to make it for me, and it works every time. Then we'll see how you are, and think about calling Melinda."

"I'm okay," Olivia's voice was stronger. "Just panicked there for a moment."

Alex looked at her closely. "Okay," she said quietly. "We'll get her to call in some time tomorrow, just in case," and she gave Olivia a stern look that made the detective realize that there was no point in arguing. Olivia just nodded, resignedly.

Five minutes later, Alex returned with a warm mug. "Liv?" she stroked the brunette's face gently. "Here, before you fall asleep again." She passed the mug over.

Olivia sipped very gingerly, testing the heat of the drink. She smiled as she realized that the temperature was perfect. In a few minutes, she had drained the drink. "That does feel better," she sounded surprised.

"What did I tell you?" Alex's grin was impish. "Grandma's always right. Okay, move over a little," she slid into the bed next to Olivia.

"I thought we were taking things slowly?" Olivia said.

"We are," Alex said firmly. "There will be no funny business, Detective Benson," she smiled lovingly. She looked closely at her girlfriend. "I just want to hold you, okay?" her voice was soft and tender.

"'kay," Olivia's eyes were already closing.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"I should have given her this one yesterday," Melinda Warner was pissed with her decision the day before, as she injected a strong antibiotic into Olivia's arm. "I didn't want to risk it, as it can cause severe nausea, and I thought she'd had enough of that. But now her chest is infected," she told Alex in a quiet voice. Olivia was still two-thirds asleep, and not really taking in what was going on around her.

"But she'll be okay, right?" Alex asked, her voice slightly panicked.

"Of course," Melinda's smile was reassuring. "And I'll be back this evening, to give her another shot. This should clear it in a couple of days."

Alex looked relieved. "What do I do to help her?" she asked.

"Try and get her to eat some breakfast," Melinda looked at her watch. It was only 7am, but she knew that Olivia should eat as soon as possible after the injection. "And just keep her warm and hydrated. The usual," Melinda smiled, realizing that her instructions were the same as the previous week. The poor ADA had really had a rough time taking care of Olivia. She put her hand on her arm. "I'm sure she really appreciates all that you're doing."

Alex smiled. "She does," she said. "And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

Melinda looked at her quizzically and realized, with joy in her heart, that Olivia and Alex's relationship had changed since her last visit. She wrote something down on a piece of paper. "If you get a moment, you can pick up this vapor rub from the pharmacy, that'll help ease her chest. Call me if you need me."

"I'll give her some breakfast, then I'll shoot out and pick it up," Alex said.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Wha's that?" Olivia asked drowsily, as Alex placed a tray on the nightstand.

"Tea and toast," Alex told her. "See how much of that you can manage."

Olivia nodded, and sat up. "Okay," she said. "Thanks."

After half a mug of tea and two-thirds of a slice of toast, her eyelids were drooping.

"Good girl," Alex said, as she took the tray back to the kitchen. She came back into the bedroom, and saw that Olivia had already settled down.

"Can you stay?" Olivia asked. "Jus' for a bit?"

"Of course," Alex smiled, as she settled in the chair by the bed. "I'll sit with you until you fall asleep. Then I'm going to the pharmacy for a vapor rub for your chest; I'll be back before you wake up. You won't even know I'm gone."

Alex sat with Olivia for half an hour, until she was sure that the brunette's sleep was deep and, she hoped, undisturbed. She then slipped out of the bedroom, grabbed her coat and her purse, and left for the pharmacy.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Olivia whimpered in her sleep, twisting under the covers. Her breathing was raspy, and she was suddenly brought awake with a bout of coughing. She sat up, and realized she was on her own. She was very touched to see a mug of warm carrot juice on the nightstand. Alex had obviously left that by her bed just in case before she went out. The coughing stopped after a few moments, and she reached out a shaky hand to take the mug.

After drinking about half of it, Olivia placed it back on the nightstand, relieved not to have spilled any. She was starting to feel horribly queasy, and remembered that Melinda had warned her that she may react to the antibiotic. She sat still for a few minutes, breathing carefully, but realized that the feeling wasn't going away and was, if anything, getting stronger. Miserably, she trailed to the bathroom, and took her all-too-familiar place kneeling in front of the toilet bowl. She leant forward, and violently parted company with her breakfast, and the carrot juice. She moaned; was this ever going to stop? Not yet, it seemed, as her convulsing stomach sent her retching her over the bowl yet again.

After a few moments, she began to feel better. Shakily, she got up, flushed the toilet, and cleaned her teeth, finally rinsing with mouthwash. She made her way back to the bed, and climbed back in.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Almost half an hour later, Alex returned, having had to visit three pharmacies to find the vapor rub that Melinda had recommended. She went quietly into the bedroom, and saw that Olivia was awake.

"Hey babe," Alex said quietly, "how are you doing?"

"Good," Olivia said. She was telling the truth; having emptied her stomach, she felt much better. Just omitting that fact wasn't actually lying, she told herself.

"I'm so pleased," Alex said, and kissed her softly. She started imperceptibly at the telltale odor of the mouthwash. "You got sick again, right?"

"Hardly at all," Olivia skirted the truth.

"It's alright," Alex said very gently. "Melinda said that might happen. Those antibiotics are pretty strong, she said a lot of people get sick with them. How are you feeling, truly?"

"I'm honestly okay," Olivia told her. "I'm feeling stronger than I was a few hours ago."

Alex smiled. "Want me to hold you while you sleep a little longer?" she asked, gratified to see the smile of real pleasure on Olivia's face as she scooted over in the bed.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Over the next 24 hours, Olivia's condition improved dramatically, and by Sunday evening, she was sitting on the couch, arguing with Alex about baseball. "Just how can you support the Giants?" she demanded of the blonde lawyer, waving her chopsticks about to hammer home her reasoning. "You live in New York. It's almost the law that you should support the Mets. In fact," she grinned wickedly, poking Alex in the ribs with one chopstick, "I may have to arrest you. For crimes against humanity!" her voice was triumphant, her smile wide.

Alex confiscated both chopsticks. "Are you finished?" her voice was stern, but Olivia could detect the underlying humor. "Am I going to have to get a restraining order out on you?"

"But _the Giants_!" Olivia whined, refusing to cede her point. "What possible reason could you have for supporting them? You've never even _been_ to San Francisco."

It was Alex's turn to grin. "I so have," she said, with a smirk. "For a weekend."

"What in the hell did you do there?" Olivia demanded. "And just for the weekend? Alex, it's nearly 4,000 kilometers away!"

"4,125 actually," Alex's smirk was getting wider. "And I had a very good reason for going."

"Which was?" the detective's tones were mock stern.

"To visit my girlfriend. My first _real_ girlfriend. When I was a college student. She came from San Francisco. The summer vacation seemed just too long. One afternoon she called me, and I sneaked out of the house for the weekend. My mother was _livid_," she remembered, her expression darkening slightly. She shook herself. "But I learned a lot about baseball that weekend," she smiled. "As well as a few other things," she added, winking saucily at her girlfriend. "_So_," she concluded. "I am a lifelong supporter of the Giants. As well as all things Sapphic!"

"Amen to that," Olivia stated. She cupped Alex's face, and kissed her gently. "So, counselor, d'you want to make out for a while? Seeing as there are no baseball games to distract us."

Alex looked at her for a few moments, her expression undecipherable. "I have considered your motion, detective," she declared. "And I am in favor."


	9. Chapter 9

"I _have_ to go, Liv," Alex put her hands on Olivia's waist and pulled her in for a kiss. She grinned, as Olivia responded enthusiastically. She pulled back slightly, and looked Olivia straight in the eye. Olivia's hair was tousled from sleep, and her pyjamas were rumpled. Alex didn't think anyone had ever looked more sexy. "God you're beautiful," her voice was low and laced with lust. "But," she kissed her again, "I'm due in court in..." she looked at her watch, "forty minutes."

"You mean you're abandoning your sick girlfriend, just to serve justice?" Olivia teased.

Alex grinned. "_You_," she said, "are no longer sick."

"Hah!" Olivia pointed a finger. "So if I'm not sick, I can come meet you at lunchtime, right?"

Alex shook her head. "Wrong," she replied. "First, Melinda has absolutely banned you from leaving the apartment until she gives you the all-clear. Second, I won't have time for lunch today. Third, and this one's important, I'm a lawyer. I'm trained to argue. Do you really want to risk coming up against me?"

Olivia pouted. "I'll get lonesome," she said.

"Watch some TV," Alex pushed her towards the couch.

Olivia grinned as she sat down, pulling the comforter over her. Alex leant down, and kissed her again. "I'll be back the moment I can, Liv," she said. "I swear."

"I know," Olivia said. "Win that case, huh?"

Alex nodded, and headed towards the door. Just as she grasped the door handle, Olivia called out. "Alex?"

Alex turned and looked at her.

"I love you," Olivia's voice had lost its bantering tone, and was so tender and loving that Alex felt her throat constrict.

"I love you too, honey," Alex replied, and left the apartment before her resolve melted.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

Olivia screwed up her courage in both hands, and dialed the phone. It rang for an age, but Olivia had expected that. Eventually, a slurred voice answered. "What?" the voice snapped.

"Mom?" Olivia tried to keep her voice even.

She knew from Elliot that her mother had called the precinct a week ago, presumably to berate Olivia with another of her drunken rants, and had been told that she was real sick. "I expect you'll get a call from your mom soon," Elliot had told her once she had recovered from the worst. "I'm sorry, Liv, I had to tell her you were sick."

"She won't call," Olivia had told him. And she was right. Her mother was only interested when the focus was on her. Whenever anyone was sick, or in need of comfort, she mysteriously disappeared.

"Mom?" Olivia said a second time. "Are you there?"

"Oh so _now_ you bother to call back," Serena Benson spat. "I needed you," she said. "And you leave it a week to call. Sharper than a serpent's tooth," she quoted from Shakespeare's King Lear, trying to exert some intellectual superiority over her only child.

"I'm sorry," Olivia kept her voice mild. She had long ago given up trying to reason with her mother who, it seemed, became unfeasibly cruel when drunk. Sometimes she was okay when sober; once or twice, Olivia even thought that perhaps her mother loved her, despite everything. But then she would do or say something dreadful.

In the last few days with Alex, Olivia had come to a decision. She no longer needed to depend on this toxic relationship. Having someone who loved her unconditionally had liberated her in ways she had not expected. So she was going to withdraw from her relationship with her mother. She would remain civil, and visit her from time to time, but she could no longer afford to invest emotionally.

"This is just a quick call, Mom," Olivia said.

"Your voice sounds off," her mother spat. "Did you start smoking?"

Olivia tried to keep her anger in check. Her mother knew damn well that her daughter had been seriously ill, but wanted her to know that it was such an unimportant detail that she had failed to retain it. The woman was a master in deviousness. "Mom, I'm 32. Why would I start smoking now?" She asked. "I had a cold," she lied. "It's gone now."

"A cold?" her mother's voice was derisive. "You have no staying power."

Olivia refused to rise to the bait. Serena Benson knew better than anyone what staying power her daughter had. Two years ago, she had been hospitalized with pneumonia after remaining on duty for seventeen hours in the sleet and snow after breaking two ribs.

"You're right, Mom," Olivia said calmly, in a tone she knew infuriated her mother. "Listen, I can't make it over on Saturday."

"Something more important to do?" Serena demanded.

"Actually yes," Olivia felt her heart soar; for once, she knew she wasn't going to allow her mother to bully her in to satisfying her own whims. "I'm going on a date. A first date. And I'm going to make sure it's a special evening for her."

"_Her_," Serena snorted. "It would be a _her_, wouldn't it."

"It makes sense, Mom; I am a lesbian. You know that. I've never hidden it from you."

"Yes you have!" her mother's voice rose with fury. "I had _no_ idea. No idea at _all_ until I found you making out with Essie Butcher's daughter in the cellar that summer. I was so ashamed. I still can't go down there."

"We weren't making out, Mom," Olivia felt the tension rising. "We just kissed, once. And we were 14, for Christ's sake. Would you have felt the same way if I'd been kissing a boy?" Olivia knew it was fruitless to argue, but she just couldn't help herself answering back.

"I was never going to be lucky enough to have a daughter who was interested in _men_," Serena's tone was scornful. "Still, I suppose it makes sense. Knowing who your father was, it makes sense that you would be a sexual deviant."

Olivia slammed the phone down.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

Two minutes later, the phone rang. Olivia was all set to chew her mother out, when she looked at the caller display, and her fury evaporated. "Alexandra," she said softly as she answered the phone.

"Hey," Alex's voice was soothing, balm to Olivia's shattered nerves. "What's wrong, Liv? Are you sick again?"

Olivia shook her head, forgetting that Alex couldn't see her. "No," her voice was barely above a whisper. "I spoke to Mom."

"Oh Liv, baby," Alex said. "Don't listen to anything she said. She's a bitter woman who has allowed her life to be blighted. Don't let that infect _your_ life. Our life," she added.

"_Our_ life?" Olivia's voice was full of wonder.

"Of course _our_ life," Alex told her. "Whatever happens to you happens to me too, now. I'm in this for the long haul, Olivia. I've never felt so committed to someone. Commitment always scared me up to now. Now I can't _wait_ to spend the rest of my life with you."

Olivia's mouth went dry.

"Liv?" Alex asked. "Oh my God, is that too much? Am I putting pressure on you? I'm sorry, honey. I know it's early. I'll back off."

"Alex," Olivia broke in. "What you just said... well... it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. You're a miracle worker, ADA Cabot. I was miserable, and now I'm happier than anyone has any right to be."

"Me too," Alex's voice was relieved. "It's weird though, huh? We haven't even," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "_made love_ yet. Hell, we haven't even been on a date!"

"Well the date is organized, Ms Cabot," Olivia told her happily. "I've just done it. Saturday."

"Don't you visit your mother on Saturdays?" Alex asked.

"Not any more," Olivia told her. "Not unless I want to. _This_ Saturday," she couldn't keep the excitement out of her voice, "I'm taking you for an early dinner. And then we're going to the Met."

"The Met?" Alex asked. "Not the Metropolitan Opera House?"

"The very same," Olivia smiled. "I've got us tickets for La Traviata."

"You've got to be kidding me?" Alex was amazed. "Those tickets are 450 bucks, Liv. That's too much money."

"Too much to waste," Olivia smiled. "So please tell me you're coming?"

"Of course I'm coming," Alex said excitedly. "But I insist on paying for my ticket."

"No way," Olivia was firm. "This is just something small, to thank you for all you've done for me over the past couple of weeks. It would have been so grim without you."

"I think you felt pretty grim even _with_ me," Alex joked. "I've told you Liv; I was happy to do it, truly. _Especially_ in view of the outcome," she laughed.

"I can never thank you enough," Olivia told her, seriously. She swallowed. "It's unbelievably wonderful to have found someone who would do all those things for me when I was sick. It was a lot to ask."

"But you _didn't_ ask, Olivia," Alex told her gently. "I'm hoping you will next time. If there is a next time," she said lightly.

Olivia grimaced. "God I hope there isn't," she said. "But if there is, I will. Thank you my sweet girl."

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

Olivia paced impatiently. Alex had spent all day with her, but had left at 4pm to go home and get changed for their date. She was due back at 6pm, so that they could get dinner before the opera began at 8pm. It was now 5.58pm, and Olivia had never felt so tense in her life.

Just as she looked in the mirror one more time to check her make-up, the bell rang. "It's me, Liv," Olivia thought Alex sounded nervous. She strode to the door, and opened it. "You should have taken the key," she started, "you know it's your key now... oh my God," she exclaimed as she took in the sight of her girlfriend. "Oh Alex," she whispered. "Alex, my precious girl."

Alex smiled tentatively. "You look amazing, Olivia," she said, with real feeling. She openly ogled the brunette, who was wearing a deep blue dress that clung to her in all the right places, plunging dangerously to reveal an ample, and tantalisingly pert, cleavage.

"Alexandra Cabot," Olivia's voice cracked. Alex was wearing a backless white dress that showcased her slim figure and skimmed her small perfect breasts which, Olivia could swear, were not tonight encased in a bra. She could barely drag her eyes away from her slightly protruding nipples, which Alex hadn't realized were stiff from the night air. "I don't know how I'm going to concentrate on the opera tonight."

Alex smiled, thrilled that Olivia seemed as excited by her as she was by Olivia. "Just think of the credit card bill," she grinned, reminding Olivia that she loved her for her sparky humor just as much as for her – quite spectacular – body. "That should help you focus."

Olivia stepped forward, putting one arm round Alex's slim waist and pulling her in for a long, languorous kiss. Alex welcomed her touch, responding passionately, and cupping the back of Olivia's head to draw her even closer. "Liv," her voice was breathless. "Oh my Liv," daringly she reached up and ran her fingers over a full, taut breast, gasping at the sensation. She felt Olivia's nipple harden at her touch, and unwittingly started to knead the warm flesh, causing Olivia to whimper with desire.

At that moment, the buzzer rang in the apartment, and the two women jumped apart as if scalded. Looking momentarily perplexed, Olivia suddenly burst out laughing. "It's the cab!" she smiled. "And just in time, too!" She turned away to grab her coat, but Alex caught her hand.

"Olivia," Alex's voice was serious. "I've never wanted anyone the way I want you right now. That was amazing. Even if we never do anything more than that, I can die a happy woman."

"Oh my sweet girl," Olivia cupped her cheek tenderly and kissed her softly, chastely. "I'm planning to do a lot more than that; a hell of a lot more. I can't wait to get to know every inch of this beautiful body of yours."

The buzzer sounded again impatiently.

"Let's go," Olivia reached out and took Alex's hand.


	10. Chapter 10

**[finally, the sex scene; don't read it this isn't your thing! Thanks again for all the ongoing reviews, I love reading them.]**

Olivia leaned forward and wiped the tiniest smudge of chocolate from below Alex's lip. She really just wanted any excuse to touch her.

Alex smiled. "Dinner was amazing, Liv," she said. "I'm not sure the opera could live up to that!"

Olivia's voice was tremulous. "Alexandra, I have to tell you, I am _this_ close to forgetting all about the opera and dragging you back to the apartment right now."

"Oh no," Alex's tone was playful. "Anyway, anticipation is half the fun. And you've paid so much for those tickets, there's no way we're going to let them go to waste. _And_," she added, "you look so beautiful, I want to show you off."

Olivia returned her smile. "You will come home with me after though, right?" she asked, for the first time slightly nervous.

"You just try and stop me," Alex leant forward and kissed her softly.

"It doesn't have to be my apartment," Olivia started to babble slightly. "I mean, if you are happier in your place, we can go there. I just really want to spend the night with you Alex."

Alex looked deep into her eyes. "Me too, Olivia," she said. "I want it more than anything. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. Your apartment though, if that's okay?"

Olivia nodded.

"I love your apartment," Alex went on. "It's so warm and cosy. I'm comfortable and relaxed there."

"It's cramped, you mean," Olivia laughed.

"No," Alex's voice was serious. "It isn't. It's a real home; the couch is comfortable, it's lived in, and everything in it reminds me of you. I hate my apartment," she blurted out.

"You hate it?" Olivia was confused. "Sell it, and find something you like then."

"It's not as simple as that," Alex sighed. "It's a family apartment. Belongs to my mother. She bought apartments for all three of us," Alex had previously told Olivia that she had a brother and a sister. "But they remain in her name. And she sent her decorator in. It's all to her taste. And I _hate_ it," she sounded almost venomous for a moment. "White sofas, hard edges, too much glass."

Olivia took both of Alex's hands in her own. "Well then, my darling, we'll go to my apartment. And you are welcome there any time you want. Any time at all. And," she looked closely at Alex, "I'm here any time you want to talk about your mother too. I know what it's like, remember, to have 'mother issues'."

Alex looked up at her. "I love you so much, Olivia Benson."

"And I love you, Alexandra Cabot."

$a$a$a$a$a$a

As they sat in their seats, Alex reached over and took Olivia's hand, kissing it softly. She pulled it down into her lap, and held on to it firmly. Olivia's heart filled with joy; she had never before felt this degree of intimacy and comfort with another person - and they hadn't even slept together.

$a$a$a$a$a$a

Olivia had never seen the whole of La Traviata before. She had the music on CD, and had seen part of it on TV once, but sitting through the whole opera was thrilling and moving far beyond what she had expected. As the final act drew to a close, and the audience applauded wildly as the main character Violetta died painfully from consumption, she turned to face Alex. She was shocked and concerned to see that Alex's face was contorted, tears pouring down her face; the blonde was trying desperately to keep hold of her emotions, and failing.

"Alex?" Olivia asked. "Are you okay? It's just a story, Alex," she squeezed her fingers gently, grateful that they were in the middle of the row so that they didn't have to get up to let anyone pass as the audience departed.

Alex looked at her, devastation in her face. "I'm sorry," she spoke eventually, her voice cracking. "It's crazy; when I saw Violetta there on that bed, it made me think of you. And I wondered," her breathing quickened, "what I would have done if you hadn't gotten better. You were so sick, Liv," she was crying openly now. "You had such a high fever. And then you got that chest infection. Oh Olivia, I don't think I could bear it if anything happened to you."

Olivia pulled her into her arms. "I'm fine, Alex," she spoke tenderly. "I had a wonderful nurse, and I'm all better now. It's okay, it really is."

Alex melted into her embrace. "Take me home?" she pleaded.

$a$a$a$a$a$a

The tension in the cab was palpable, both women counting the seconds until they could be alone together. At one point, Olivia reached over and took Alex's hand, the touch between them almost electric.

Olivia over-tipped the cab driver, and they both made their way into the building with indecent haste. "Elevator?" Olivia's voice was lower than usual.

Alex nodded, and Olivia opened the old-fashioned iron gates; once inside, she shut the gates, and pressed the button for the second floor. "It's real slow," she said apologetically to Alex.

"Good," Alex said, as she reached for the brunette, pulling her towards her. "Time for me to kiss you then," she stepped forward and, cupping the back of Olivia's head, drew her into the most passionate kiss Olivia had ever experienced.

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered as they passed the first floor. "Oh Alex," she kissed her back, the kiss deepening as they lost themselves in each other. Greatly daring, Olivia slid one hand inside Alex's dress, and was almost overcome as she realized that her earlier surmise about Alex being bra-less was accurate. Very gently, she cupped a breast, which was a little larger than she had imagined, and so firm and pert that she almost came on the spot. She ran a thumb over the nipple, gasping with pleasure as it sprang into a stiff peak at her touch.

Alex was almost beside herself with desire, and was unable to stop herself crying out with pleasure as Olivia teased her nipple. "Liv," she was almost incoherent, "don't stop... oh God, that's good, oh my baby..." Just as she reached out to touch Olivia, the elevator pinged, announcing its arrival on the second floor. Both women barked with laughter.

$a$a$a$a$a$a

"Damn it!" Olivia's hand shook as she tried to unlock the door to her apartment, and she dropped the keys.

"Here," Alex said impatiently, picking the keys up from the floor and swiftly opening the door.

As the door shut behind them, the two women seized upon each other, kissing, fumbling, panting with desire. They stumbled giggling towards the bedroom.

"I want to see you," Alex's voice was rough with lust. "Please Liv," she pulled at her girlfriend's dress.

"You first," Oliva said. "I want to see your beautiful body."

Never before had Alex felt so comfortable, so safe with a lover. Without a trace of embarrassment, she stepped out of her dress, letting it pool on the floor. She stood in front of a stunned Olivia in just her panties and silk stockings.

Olivia stared at her breasts, overcome with desire. She had never seen anything so beautiful; Alex's nipples were a deeper pink than she had expected, and she couldn't stop herself reaching out and touching. Very gently, she kissed a rosy bud, her tongue darting out and flicking over the tip.

Alex gasped with pleasure. This was going to be a night to remember. She looked up at Olivia. "Now you," she whispered.

Olivia turned her back to Alex. "You do it," she said, gesturing to the zip at the back of her dress.

Very slowly, Alex moved the zip down, sliding her hands onto Olivia's back, parting the cloth and slowly, sensuously, guiding it down her arms onto the floor. She took in the plane of Olivia's back, strong and sinewy, yet soft, her muscles clearly visible. Alex ran her hands over Olivia's back, delighting in the warmth and softness. Her hands stopped at the clasp of Olivia's black, lacy bra. "May I?" she asked.

Olivia grunted her assent, so Alex unhooked the bra, and pulled the straps down Olivia's toned arms. Olivia had still not turned to face Alex, so the blonde put her arms round her waist, flattening her palms against the detective's stomach. Slowly, she brought her hands up to cup Olivia's full breasts, eliciting a gasp from the brunette as her hands deliberately brushed against the nipples. "Turn around for me, baby," Alex's voice crackled with desire.

Olivia turned to face Alex, anxiety in her expression. "Are you okay?" Alex asked, keeping her gaze fixed on Olivia's eyes.

Olivia nodded. "I just hope that I'm enough for you Alexandra," she said in a tremulous tone. "You're so perfect, I can never measure up."

Alex laughed, a sound that filled Olivia with hope and happiness. "You have to be kidding me," she replied, at last daring to look at the sight in front of her. Her gaze fell on Olivia's full, perfect breasts, with the large dark nipples standing to attention, awaiting her touch. "Oh my God, Liv," Alex breathed. "I think you must be just about the sexiest woman on the planet."

She kissed her again, full on the lips, and Olivia groaned at the passion of the kiss, returning it with equal fervor.

The eventually broke apart, and Alex reached down, pulling Olivia's panties to the floor. She was enraptured at the sight of her lover's glistening center, placing a kiss just above the hairline.

"Not this time," Olivia's voice shook. "This time I want to hold you; I want to see your face as you come. Is that okay?"

Alex just grinned, nodding her assent. "It's not going to take long," she said unsteadily. "I don't think I've ever felt so ready."

"Nor me," Olivia said huskily, as she pushed her on the bed, and slowly removed her stockings and panties, taking the time to kiss all the way down her long legs as they became exposed.

Olivia climbed onto the bed, and pulled Alex into her lap, so that they could hold each other as close as possible. She leant down and took one tight nipple in her mouth, toying with the other with her left hand. Alex unconsciously started to rock, grasping one of Olivia's breasts, using her other hand to move lower. Olivia grinned as she felt the invading fingers, and moved her hand to Alex's center to mimic the action.

Within minutes, they were rocking desperately against each other, their breath coming in shortened gasps. Olivia released Alex's breast to kiss her eagerly, the noises that her lover was making filling her with joy and desire.

Only a few short minutes later, Alex felt her climax building. "More, Liv," she pleaded. "Harder... oh my God, Olivia, that's it, honey, just there..."

Olivia looked at Alex's face, her eyes half-lidded, her sweet mouth half-open as she neared completion. She took her nipple in her mouth again as Alex mewled and panted, "come for me, baby," Olivia whispered, and bit down very gently, her teeth tugging the rigid peak. She looked up just in time as Alex's back arched as her orgasm overtook her; the sight of Alex's abandon tipped Olivia over the edge, and the women came almost simultaneously, bucking wildly against each other for what seemed like minutes.

Alex collapsed bonelessly against Olivia, who carefully guided them both back to the mattress. For long minutes, they just held each other, trying to get their breathing under control. Eventually, Alex looked up at Olivia, seeing tears rolling down her cheeks. "Hey," Alex was still panting a little, "are you okay Liv?"

Olivia nodded, equally breathless. "I've never been better, my precious darling Alex."

Alex leaned over, and kissed the tears from Olivia's face. "Nor me," she said, a satisfied smile on her face. "I never knew it could be that good. We _are_ going again soon, though?"

Olivia smiled back. "I want to spend the whole night making love to you," she whispered, cupping Alex's face and kissing her.

Alex smiled again. "That's the best news I've ever heard. We'll just take a little rest, huh?"

Olivia nodded happily, as Alex snuggled in to her, her lips closing over one of Olivia's nipples. She cupped the back of her head lovingly as she suckled; within minutes, Alex was asleep. "You sleep, my precious girl," Olivia whispered. "We've got all night."


	11. Chapter 11

**[so sorry for the delay in this chapter... here it is at last.]**

Twenty minutes later, Alex stirred. She looked up, and saw Olivia's face, her own breaking into a wide smile.

"Hey," Alex said, grinning goofily.

"Hey to you," Olivia replied in a soft voice, and ran her hand softly through Alex's blonde hair.

Alex shut her eyes in pleasure. "You don't know how many times I've dreamt of this moment, Liv," she said quietly, her voice suddenly serious.

"Me too," Olivia replied.

"I never imagined it could be this good," Alex looked up at her again. "I truly didn't know how good it could be. You are just about the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Olivia Benson." She ran her fingers lovingly over a full, ripe breast. "I'm never going to be able to look at you in the squadroom again," she smiled. "Every time I see you, I'll see _these_," she cupped the other breast, and just stared at them both, her eyes darkening with lust.

"I'm guessing you're a boob girl," Olivia's tone was light, yet dry.

"I am _now_," Alex told her with a grin. "Seriously, Liv, you must know how incredible you are."

Olivia cupped Alex's face and kissed her, softly at first, deepening the kiss as Alex responded enthusiastically.

"You're the first one I've ever believed," Olivia said eventually. "I think this is the first time I've cared what anyone thinks of me. _Really_ cared." She grinned shyly at her lover. "This is the first time I've ever felt beautiful."

"Well believe me when I tell you you are," Alex gently pushed Olivia on to her back, and drew back the covers, openly ogling the brunette. "And now," she smiled, "now I'm going to prove just how beautiful you are," she kissed her on the lips. "I'm going to get to know every inch of you," she moved to her neck, kissing and nibbling her way. "Assuming my plans meet with your approval, Detective?"

"Oh God yes," Olivia's voice was gutteral, and she felt her breathing quicken as she reached out to caress Alex's unbelievably soft skin.

$a$a$a$a$a$a

Over the following hours, the two women explored each other's bodies with a passion and joy that neither of them had previously imagined possible. Alex was surprised and delighted to find that Olivia was a giggler, and laughed easily and often during their lovemaking. Her almost childlike rejoicing in Alex's body was infectious, and the two of them came together, again and again, their breathing ragged and their bodies slicked with sweat. Finally, as the sunlight crept through the blinds in Olivia's bedroom, they slept, their limbs entangled and their bodies pressed close together.

$a$a$a$a$a$a

A nagging ringing tone dragged Olivia from her sleep. She didn't recognize the noise, finally realizing that it was coming from Alex's purse. She nudged her sleeping lover. Looking at her watch, she realized that they had only been asleep three hours, but she knew that Alex was very punctilious about answering her phone, and she didn't want to be responsible for her missing an important call.

Alex turned over blearily, smiling as she saw Olivia's face.

"It's your cell, Alex," Olivia said in a soft voice. "Want me to pass it to you?"

Alex grimaced, but nodded. "I should answer it," she said, her voice hoarse with sleep. "Might be important." She looked at it as Olivia passed it over. "Damn," she said. "It's my mother."

Olivia rested her hand briefly – lovingly – on Alex's arm as the blonde answered the call. "Mother," Alex said, warily.

"I'll make tea," Olivia mouthed, as she climbed off the bed and shrugged on a robe.

"Don't you 'Mother' me," the voice of Eleanor Cabot was icy. "Just tell me why you did it, Alexandra."

Alex struggled to sit up in the bed. "Did what?" she asked, genuinely perplexed. "Mother, you're not making any sense."

"You know damn well what I mean," Eleanor spat. "Last night. At the opera. Mamie Bradshaw was there. She _saw_ you," her tone was disgusted. "If you were looking for a way to humiliate me, you certainly found it."

"Mother, you're not making any sense," Alex tried to keep her voice calm. "Why shouldn't I go to the opera? You know Traviata is one of my favorites."

"You went with a _woman_," Eleanor ground out. "Really, Alexandra, I cannot conceive a reason why you would do that to me."

"Do _what_ to you?" Alex's voice hardened. "I went to the opera last night. With my girlfriend. We had a good evening. A _wonderful_ evening. I fail to see what that has to do with you? The thought of you never once crossed my mind last night."

"Alexandra, must you be deliberately obtuse? You know how I feel about your …. little peccadilloes. I mean, what you do behind closed doors is bad enough, but this was in public. Mamie _saw_ you. You _kissed_ that woman. In public. How am I ever going to live this down?"

"Live what down, Mother? I told you ten years ago I was gay. Isn't it about time you got used to it?" Alex found herself gripping the phone, and was furious to realize that her eyes had filled with tears. She didn't notice Olivia returning to the room, bearing two mugs of tea.

"I will never accept your... lifestyle choices," Eleanor began, but Alex interrupted her harshly.

"Mother, will you _listen_ for once in your life?" her voice cracked with emotion. "This has nothing to do with _choice_. Did you _choose_ to be heterosexual? I am who I am. And right now, I have never been so happy to be a lesbian. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who means more to me that I ever believed possible. And yes, I did kiss her at the opera last night. And then," she was so angry she couldn't help lashing out at her intolerant parent, "then we came back to her apartment. We made love all night. We're still in bed right now, as it happens, which is where we will be staying all weekend. I've never been so happy, Mother, and if you can't celebrate my happiness with me, then too bad." Alex's face was streaked with tears, and she was suddenly aware of Olivia sitting on the bed next to her, and of the warm hand taking hers and chafing it between her own. She realized that she was shaking only when Olivia wrapped a warm blanket around her naked shoulders.

Alex realized her mother was still talking. "I want you out of that apartment by the end of the month," her mother's words were vicious. "You are no longer part of the Cabot family. There will be no more allowance, I'm writing you out of my will. You won't see a penny of my money," Eleanor was shrieking now, even Olivia could hear every word she said. "You'll be left with nothing. _Nothing_!"

"I have everything I have ever wanted right here," Alex tried to keep her voice calm. "I don't need you. I don't need your money. And I sure as hell don't need your approval. Goodbye Mother, have a nice life." Alex switched off the cellphone. She looked at the screen of the phone blankly, half expecting it to ring again. Silence.

Very gently, Olivia reached over and took the phone from her, placing it on the nightstand. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, pulling her shaking lover tightly into her arms. "I'm so sorry Alex."

Alex burrowed into Olivia's front, and sobbed, releasing years of anguish as she allowed the catharsis of the tears to cleanse her. Olivia rocked her gently, murmuring sweet nothings into her ear. Eventually, Alex started to calm, responding to her lover's soothing touch. "I'm so sorry," Alex gulped.

Olivia turned her in her arms, so that their eyes met. She kissed her tenderly. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm just so sad I've caused all of this."

"_You_ didn't cause it," Alex's tone was harsh. "_She_ did. Even if I hadn't met you – and I thank God and all his angels that I did – I'd still be who I am. I've never lied to my family about who I am. If she has a problem, then the problem is hers. My father loved me for who I was; my brother doesn't have a problem with it. It's just my mother and my sister. I've met the love of my life," she reached up and stroked Olivia's cheek gently, "and if they can't be happy for me, then _screw_ them," she startled Olivia with the vehemence of her words.

Alex looked up at Olivia again. "I meant every word," she said, more calmly now. "I have everything I need right here. I have more than I ever imagined I ever would. Anyway," she forced a wry smile, "I've always hated that apartment."

Olivia looked lovingly at her, her chocolate eyes boring deep into Alex's soul. "I love you so much," she whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

"Think you can sleep?" Olivia asked Alex gently.

"With you here," Alex's voice was still tight with tension.

"I wish I could help," Olivia kept hold of Alex as she pulled them both down on the bed, dragging the quilt over them.

"You've helped me more than anyone ever has. Or will," Alex told her. She looked up at her, her face still anguished. "I never wanted that apartment. Or her money. All I ever wanted was her acceptance, her love. And she couldn't give that." She inhaled sharply, trying to keep control of her emotions.

"She's the one who's lost out," Olivia said quietly, running her fingers soothingly through Alex's hair.

Alex nodded. "Thank you," she said. She took Olivia's hand and kissed it. "This has still been the best day of my life, Liv. Nothing can take away from that. I'm the luckiest girl in the world."

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

It was nearly six hours later that Olivia awoke. She looked at her watch; almost 3pm. She nudged Alex.

"Five more minutes, Dad," Alex's voice was pleading.

Olivia grinned. Her lover was clearly still 90% asleep. She climbed out of the bed, and shuffled to the kitchen. Ten minutes later, she returned with two full mugs of coffee, and set them carefully on the nightstand. She got back into the bed, and poked Alex playfully in the ribs, earning an annoyed grunt. Clearly Alex was not someone who liked to be woken. She would have to remember that. Olivia smiled to herself at the thought of all the mornings that she would share with this beautiful woman. "Alex?" her voice was teasing.

Alex turned over onto her back, one arm across her stomach, the other behind her head. One breast was fully exposed, and Olivia couldn't resist leaning down and kissing the rosy nipple tenderly, grinning as she felt it stiffen under her ministrations. Alex opened one eye, and smiled. She sat up half way, and put a hand under Olivia's chin. She kissed her softly. "Good morning," she said.

"And good afternoon to you, counselor," Olivia teased.

"Afternoon?" Alex looked confused.

"3pm," Olivia told her.

"No wonder I'm so hungry," Alex's stomach rumbled loudly as she spoke, causing both women to laugh loudly.

"I think we should get that seen to," Olivia smiled.

"Is that coffee I smell?" Alex asked her.

Olivia nodded, and passed her a mug.

"I think I'm in love," Alex said with a smile.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

After a very late breakfast, Alex and Olivia curled up together on the couch. Despite Alex's slight height advantage, she snuggled into Olivia's arms, and tucked herself under the brunette's chin. She could never remember having felt so comfortable.

"So," Alex said, in a playful tone. "Tell me about you and Melinda."

Olivia smiled. "That was such a long time ago, Alex," she said.

"Don't care," Alex said, "I wanna hear about it."

Olivia smiled again. "Okay," she said. "I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"Where did you meet?" Alex asked.

"In a bar," Olivia told her.

"A gay bar?" Alex asked.

"Uh huh," Olivia nodded her assent. "I told you that."

"Tell me again," Alex teased.

Olivia grinned. "I met Melinda Warner in a gay bar," she spoke clearly and deliberately, as if Alex were a little slow. Alex swatted her in mock annoyance.

"Actually," Olivia went on, in a slightly more serious tone. "It was the first time I'd been to a gay bar. If I'm honest, I was terrified."

"Of what?" Alex wanted to know.

"Of making a fool of myself. Of doing the wrong thing. I didn't know what to do or say," Olivia admitted.

Alex smiled. "Don't tell me big, bad Detective Benson was scared?"

"Scared as hell," Olivia looked a little embarrassed at the memory. "Don't forget, I wasn't a big, bad detective then. I was a rookie, in training."

"It sounds to me as if that's not all you were in training for," Alex grinned.

Olivia smiled back. "I walked in," she continued her story, "and ordered a beer. I told myself that I'd sit at a booth and have one beer, and if I couldn't pluck up the courage to speak to anyone before I finished the beer, I'd just leave. I was just on my last mouthful, and was feeling a little relieved that I could get out of there, when Melinda walked in."

"You fell for her right away?" Alex asked.

Olivia shook her head. "I didn't fall for her, not as such. But she had such a kind smile, one that reached her eyes, and she came right over to me and asked if she could buy me a drink, I just found myself saying yes. I'd only had two girlfriends before I met Melinda," Olivia was blushing. "And she was such fun. Really sparky, and super intelligent. I loved spending time with her. She made me laugh. And," her face darkened, "when my mom really went off the rails, and kicked me out that time, Melinda took me in."

"What time?" Alex was suddenly serious.

"I'll tell you all about it another time," Olivia promised, running her hand down Alex's soft cheek. "I swear. Long story short, my mom got horribly drunk, turned up at the Academy, denounced me as a dyke to all my classmates and the officers training us, and told me not to come back to the apartment. Like I wanted to after that," she snorted, trying not to show just how much it had affected her at the time.

Alex took her hand and squeezed it tenderly. She hated that they had this in common.

"Anyway," Olivia forced a smile. "Although I was sleeping on Melinda's couch, there were nights when I... commuted... to her bedroom," she grinned at the memory. "I think we both knew, right from the beginning, that we were never destined to be together. But she was the right person for me at the right time. She brought me out of myself, as well as giving me shelter right when I needed it. _And," _she smirked at the memory. "She did have the most beautiful body."

"Still has, from what I can see," Alex grinned back.

"Counselor Cabot, are you telling me you have been eyeing up our M.E.?" Olivia demanded.

Alex nodded. "Just window shopping," her smile was wide. "Are you jealous, Detective?" she asked.

"I most certainly am," Olivia retorted.

Alex turned and kissed her thoroughly, teasing with her darting tongue. "You don't have anything to worry about, Liv," she said slightly breathlessly as she pulled back. "The M.E. may be cute, but she's not even in the same league as you."

Olivia laughed, a joyful sound that filled Alex's heart with real pleasure. "Go on," Alex settled back into Olivia's arms. "I want to hear everything."

"That's about all there is to tell," Olivia said. "As I told you, we were together, on and off, for almost a year. Then, one night, we had a long talk, and we both agreed that we should move on from each other. See if we could find 'the one', that sort of thing. Melinda suggested we go out for a drink, to celebrate our new resolution. And that," she smiled at the memory, "is the night she met Rosie."

"Rosie?" Alex asked.

"Rosie Obayomi," Olivia told her. "The love of Melinda's life. I saw it happening," she sounded wistful. "We were just playing a game of pool. And I was winning, too," she grinned, "when I saw this... this _look_ come over Melinda's face. I looked up to see what she was looking at, and there she was. All six-foot-one of her, standing by the door. She is an incredibly beautiful woman," Olivia told Alex. "Like an Amazon. Cheeks like cut glass. She looks like she could take on the world. And when she talks, she is so sweet, and shy, such a gentle voice. She's fiercely intelligent, though."

"So what did you do?" Alex asked, taken by the romantic tale.

"I told Melinda that if she didn't ask her out, there and then, I would never speak to her again. So she did!" Olivia smiled. "And they've been together ever since, nearly ten years."

"And you've all remained friends?"

"Oh God yes," Olivia said. "It's one of the most important friendships of my life. I'll never forget that day when Melinda called and instructed me I was coming to supper that night. Rosie cooked an amazing meal, and they kept exchanging these secretive looks. Once we'd finally finished eating, Melinda told me that they had decided to start a family, and that she was three weeks' pregnant. She and Rosie had decided that they would wait until she was three months along, just to be sure it was all going to be okay, but in the end they couldn't wait to share it with someone, and they chose me. I felt so honored."

"Gracie?" Alex asked.

Olivia nodded happily. "They had it all worked out. They found a donor with very dark skin – Rosie's really dark, she's got beautiful skin – so that Gracie would look like she belonged to both of them. And this time they've done the opposite, found someone with similar color to Melinda. And now Rosie's going to have a sister for Gracie, in just under three weeks. I'm so happy for them. I can't wait to introduce you to Rosie, she's been nagging me for _ever_ to find the right woman. She's going to love you," her voice softened as she looked down at the blonde held in her arms.

"They couldn't have chosen a better godmother," Alex told her tenderly. "Gracie's a very lucky little girl."

"She's so beautiful, isn't she?" Olivia said. "I just love her so much."

"Have you ever thought of having kids?" Alex asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but knowing how important the answer was to her.

Olivia paled a little, and her face closed up marginally. She looked Alex straight in the eye. "I have to be honest with you," her voice was little above a whisper. "I love children. Truly. I would love nothing better than to have children; to feel a child growing inside of me, that would be incredible. But I'm too scared, Alex," her voice hitched. "My... my father. Suppose it came out? Suppose the child were to inherit something from him? Or even from my mother. I hardly have the best genes," a tear trickled unnoticed down her cheek.

Alex reached up and wiped the tear from her face. "The child would be like you, Liv. Beautiful. Caring. Tender. And kind."

Olivia shook her head. "I couldn't take the risk, Alex," she struggled to maintain her equilibrium. "I just couldn't," gently she pulled away from Alex, and tried to get up from the couch.

Alex reached out and grasped her arm, preventing her from moving away. "Olivia," she said, her voice firm but indescribably tender. "I'm sorry, my darling. I didn't mean to upset you. You don't have to have children, of course you don't. If you do want children, I can have them. And if you don't, I still would rather be with you than anyone else."

Olivia looked at her, and saw that she meant every word that she said. "Would you really have our babies?" her voice shook.

Alex nodded. "In a heartbeat," she said. "I can't think of anything better than raising a family with you."

Olivia sat down again next to her lover, and took her face in both hands. She kissed her softly, languorously, savoring every second. "Oh Alexandra, I do love you so," she whispered.

"I love you too, Olivia," Alex told her. "So much."

Olivia smiled. "Even more than the hot M.E.?" her eyes twinkled.

Alex grinned in response. "Oh yes," she got to her feet and put out her hand to Olivia, leading her to the bedroom. "Want me to prove it?"

Olivia nodded wordlessly, a wide smile on her face.


	13. Chapter 13

Alex's grunted and turned over as her phone beeped at 6.15am on the Monday.

"Alex?" Olivia's voice was soft.

"I'm not here," Alex sounded grumpy.

"I _knew_ you should have gone home last night, even if only to get some work clothes," Olivia said. "I'm starting to learn that you aren't a morning person."

"This is barely morning," Alex blinked as she emerged from under the quilt. "It feels like midnight."

"Oh it's definitely not midnight," Olivia smiled. "As I remember it, counselor, at midnight you were wide awake. And quite ... busy," she grinned at the memory.

A smile split Alex's face. "Oh yes," she nodded. "I was, wasn't I?"

"We both were," Olivia sounded smug. "And now you're paying the price. You've got to get home, get changed, and still get to the DA's office by 8am. I'm sorry, Alexandra, I should have insisted you went home for some clothes."

"It was worth it, every second," Alex kissed her softly. She looked deep into Olivia's chocolate eyes. "That was the best weekend of my life, Liv," she said. "I have fallen so hard for you, I can't even find the words."

Olivia stroked her cheek. "We don't need words," she whispered.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Benson, SVU," Olivia snatched up the phone. It was 4pm, and she had had a hell of a day.

"The results are in," Melinda Warner's voice came over the line. "You two want to come in?"

"Elliot's at forensics," Olivia told her. "I'll be there in...," she looked at her watch, "twenty minutes, okay?"

"See you then," Melinda said.

"It's our perp, right?" Olivia asked her.

"Definitely," Melinda's voice was grim. "He did a real number on her."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Oh my God," Olivia said as she flipped the pages on the clipboard. "He's escalating."

Melinda nodded silently. "The branding is getting worse," she said. "It's not just on the face."

"Buttocks again?" Olivia asked.

"I wish," Melinda said. "No," she stopped Olivia's hand as she went to lift the sheet. "Don't. Here," she passed her a photograph, "you don't need to see it in the flesh. The photo's bad enough."

Olivia gasped as she saw what the photograph depicted. The victim's breasts were both deeply branded, with three-inch swastikas seared in right at the nipple. Nausea rose in her throat, and she clutched the side of the autopsy table.

"Sit," Melinda told her kindly, leading her to a chair. She brought her a glass of water, which Olivia sipped, breathing carefully as her stomach slowly settled.

"Please tell me this was done post-mortem," Olivia's voice was barely above a whisper.

Melinda shook her head sadly. "You have to nail this bastard," she said, an icy fury lacing her words.

"We will," Olivia pulled herself together. "Huang's working on a profile. This'll help. Thanks, Melinda," she said, and got to her feet.

Melinda walked with her to the door. "You be careful out there?" she looked straight at Olivia.

Olivia nodded. "No risks, I swear. Thank you. Hey," a thought hit her as she reached for the door handle. "How's Rosie? Baby's due any time, right?"

Melinda smiled widely, her whole face lighting up. "Eighteen days," she said proudly. "Rosie's amazing. She's beautiful," she said, a little shyly. "Shit, that reminds me!" she grinned. "Rosie told me to call you, and I got distracted with all this," she waved behind her. "She's _desperate_ to meet Alex, and she's told me that you have to bring her to dinner on Saturday. Please say you will."

"Saturday?" Olivia said. "But that's so close to when the baby comes, surely Rosie wants to take it easy?" She knew that Rosie did all the cooking for the family, refusing to let Melinda help in any way.

Melinda shook her head. "She's _bursting_ with energy," she told her with a smile. "I don't know where she gets it all from. She's like a dynamo. I can't get her to sit down. She's been like it for months. After that awful morning sickness in the first four months, she's barely stopped to take a breath. I keep trying to get her to slow down, but she ignores me. She's been even worse since she stopped work."

"Nesting?" Olivia tried to remember the right expression.

"Oh yeah, and some," Melinda smiled. She then winked at Olivia. "That's not all she's had energy for either," she was grinning openly.

"Melinda!" Olivia laughed. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean!"

"And I'm sure you _do_," Melinda told her. "All those hormones, the last few months have been amazing. Exhausting, but amazing. I have never been made love to so thoroughly in all my life!"

"In that case, are you sure you want us there on Saturday?" Olivia teased. "We'd hate to get in the way of the love train."

Melinda chortled. "It'll do her good to take a couple of hours off," she pretended exasperation. "Anyway," she smiled, "Gracie wants to see you both. She hasn't stopped talking about her 'Auntie Alex'."

"Alex loved her when they met," Olivia's expression was warm. "What time?"

"6pm?" Melinda suggested. "Then you can see Gracie before she goes to bed."

"And we all still get an early night?" Olivia said cheekily, as she slipped out of the door.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"It's clearly anti-Semitic," Elliot agreed. "But that branding...," he looked sickened as he gazed at the photograph.

"It's like the ultimate statement," Olivia tried to remain detached. "This is the fourth vic, similar MOs, though this is the first time the branding has been so... intimate. So what we're looking at here is a man – it's gotta be a man, right? - who hates gentile women who convert to Judaism. All four vics were Episcopalian. There must be some other link. Did they go to the same church before they converted?"

Elliot shook his head. "Vic number three didn't even attend church," he said. "There must be something we're missing."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Alex her her cellphone ring, and looked at the screen. Her expression softened to mush, and she was glad she was alone in her office. "Hey Liv," she said.

"Alex," Olivia's voice was tense.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked her.

"Tough day," Olivia breathed. "How are _you_ doing?"

"I'm good," Alex said happily. "Will you let me cook for you tonight? Then I'll give you a massage, ease away some of the day."

"Oh that would be wonderful," Olivia said. "I don't know what time we're finishing though, and I don't want to put a downer on your evening."

"I don't care," Alex was firm.

"Are you sure there isn't something you'd rather do with your evening?" Olivia asked her.

"There's nothing I'd rather do than be with you. _Whatever_ mood you are in," Alex said. "Text me when you're leaving," she instructed her. "And Liv?" she added.

"Yeah?" Olivia said.

"I love you."

Olivia smiled.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

It was nearly 10pm by the time Olivia wearily opened the door to her apartment. The smell of home-made soup pervaded the air.

Alex turned and saw her lover, and went over to her and kissed her tenderly. She led her to the table, and watched lovingly as she ate. She disappeared for a few minutes, and when she returned, she was wearing only a bathrobe. Silently, she led Olivia into the bathroom, where she had drawn a warm bath, and lit atmospheric candles. Without speaking, she slowly removed all of Olivia's clothes, and guided her into the bath. "Slide forward a bit, my darling," she said gently, and then discarded her robe, climbing in behind the brunette. She pulled her back, so that Olivia was lying across her chest, and slowly worked her fingers into the tendons at Olivia's neck, which were as taut as steel.

"You got the Nazi case, huh?" Alex's voice was soft and worried.

Inexplicably, Olivia's eyes filled with tears, and her throat constricted. She nodded slightly. "Yeah," her voice was thick.

"Leads?" Alex asked.

"Not really," Olivia found it hard to control her emotions.

"You'll get there," Alex took a soapy washcloth and ran it down Olivia's front soothingly.

"I hope so," Olivia replied.

The two women stayed in the bath for over an hour, running more hot water in from time to time so that they didn't get chilled. Eventually, Alex pushed Olivia gently forward, and got out of the bath. She held out a large, warmed towel and wrapped Olivia in it as she emerged. Soon they were both in the large bed, though they decided not to bother with any nightclothes.

Olivia yawned widely as they snuggled in. Alex had never imagined being in bed with a naked Olivia and not wanting to make love to her, but she could tell that tonight passion was the last thing on the brunette's mind. So she took her in her strong arms, and cradled her lovingly.

"I brought clothes for tomorrow," her tone was light.

Olivia smiled, and turned to face her. "You should bring _all_ your clothes," she had made a sudden decision. "Please? And all your things?"

Alex looked at her quizzically.

"I don't want you to find a new apartment," she admitted. "I want you here. I _need_ you here. Please Alex, say you'll move in with me?"

"Are you sure?" Alex's voice was small and slightly fearful.

"More sure than I have ever been," Olivia replied.

This time it was Alex's turn to be overcome. She nodded, tearfully. "With all my heart," she whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

"Munch and Fin are talking to the Bishop this afternoon," Olivia told Elliot. "Just to see if there's any known connection between the victims through the church. But it's a long shot."

"So what else do we have?" Elliot asked, in a frustrated tone.

"Very little of substance," Olivia sighed. "Four vics, aged from 28 to 47. All raped. All branded. The branding is worsening. The last victim," she blanched at the memory of the photograph, "suffered particularly badly."

"He resents anyone moving from the Christian church to Judaism," Huang spoke up. "That suggests some trauma in his life that he attributes to those of the Jewish faith."

"Are we sure it's a 'him' and not a 'them'?" Elliot asked.

Huang nodded. "This type of crime is particularly violent. It's a man asserting his power over women who have, in his view, transgressed. It's possible he is working with someone, I suppose, but I very much doubt it."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Alex?" Olivia was concerned to see her lover sitting on the floor in the corridor by the door to the apartment. "How long have you been here?"

Alex looked at her watch, as she got to her feet, brushing the dust off her skirt. "Twenty minutes or so?" she guessed. "It's okay, Liv, I had to catch up on my reading," she laughed as she pointed to a fistful of papers that she had been perusing.

"Why didn't you use your key?" Olivia was startled, and leant past Alex to open the door to the apartment, ushering the blonde in.

"I didn't take the key," Alex was a little embarrassed. "We never really discussed it. I didn't want to presume."

"You've gotta be kidding me?" Olivia said. "Alex," she took both of Alex's hands in her own, and looked deep into her eyes. "This is your home now, sweetheart. _Our_ home," she smiled, shyly. "This key," she leant over and took the spare key from the hook, "is yours. I'll get another spare cut sometime. I want you to feel at home. I want you to feel you can relax here."

"I always feel relaxed here," Alex's voice was small. "That was kinda dumb of me, huh?" she smiled as she looked at Olivia. "This is really our apartment?"

"It is," Olivia said firmly, unable to keep the delight from her voice. "And there's only one house rule," her eyes twinkled.

"Which is?" Alex enquired drily.

"You have to kiss your girlfriend as soon as you come in the door. Or as soon as she comes in the door. Whoever arrives first," Olivia grinned.

"I think I can live with that," Alex smiled back. "C'm'ere," she pulled Olivia into a passionate kiss. "Like that?" she asked when they broke apart minutes later.

"Oh yeah," Olivia breathed, her breathing a tad ragged. "That'll do very nicely."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Are you nervous?" Olivia slipped her hand in Alex's as they set out for Melinda and Rosie's large ground-floor apartment.

"A little," Alex admitted. "I've always been a little shy," she hated revealing any weaknesses usually, but somehow with Olivia she didn't mind. "It makes me seem a little... stand-offish. That's how I got my nickname," she smiled sadly.

"Nickname?" Olivia asked.

"The Ice Queen," Alex said.

Olivia swallowed. She had had no idea that Alex knew that some people described her in those terms, and her heart ached at the thought that she was hurt by it. She squeezed Alex's fingers. "Nobody that matters calls you that," she told her honestly. "Elliot, the guys, they all know better. They also know how good you are at your job. And Melinda has a quite different nickname for you," she grinned.

"Oh yes?" Alex half-dreaded what Olivia was about to say.

"Oh yeah," Olivia replied. "She calls you The Blonde Bombshell. And I've got to tell you, she's not wrong."

Alex grinned. "Maybe you should keep an eye that we don't sneak off together," she teased.

"Believe me, if she weren't so totally besotted with Rosie, I'd be worried," Olivia smiled.

"What's Rosie like?" Alex asked for the umpteenth time.

"She's wonderful," Olivia replied patiently. "You'll just love her. She's even taller than you are, and she's so kind and sweet. And beautiful, like an African queen. She and Mel fit so well together. I've never seen a couple so happy. And when Gracie came along, it just seemed so perfect. Rosie's a wonderful homemaker, she's a domestic goddess really."

"And Melinda?" Alex enquired.

Olivia laughed. "She's definitely _not_ a domestic goddess," she said. "Don't misunderstand me, if you want something practical done, she's brilliant. She can fix a leaking toilet as soon as look at it. Just don't ask her to cook. Or choose fabrics."

"What does Rosie do for work?" Alex wanted to know.

"She's a professor of African history at NYU," Olivia said. "A real smart cookie. Hey," she detected fear in Alex's eyes. She took her face in both hands, and kissed her gently. "You'll love her. You'll love it at their apartment. They are so relaxed and happy, it's infectious. And Gracie's a peach."

Alex brightened at the memory of the young girl who had won her heart on their previous meeting. "She's a very special little girl," she remembered.

By this time, they had walked the six blocks to their friends' apartment.

"You okay?" Olivia asked. Alex nodded happily, and reached up to ring the bell.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"They're here!" Melinda told her family, moving to open the door. She enveloped first Olivia and then Alex in warm hugs.

Olivia had only just released Melinda when Gracie came running up the corridor and flung herself at her favorite auntie, giggling as Olivia swept her into her arms and swung her round. Olivia smiled as she saw Rosie coming towards her, and lowered Gracie to the floor to hug Rosie. "Wow," she pulled back to look at the pregnant woman. She put both her hands on Rosie's prominent stomach. "You look _amazing_," she said.

"I look fat, you mean," Rosie grinned as she spoke.

"No, seriously, you're beautiful," Olivia was sincere. Her friend was blooming, happiness emanating from every pore. She looked over at Gracie and saw her hugging Alex fiercely, and was relieved and delighted to see Alex looking relaxed and happy, smiling widely at the enchanting child.

When Gracie finally relinquished her hold on Alex, Rosie strode towards her, holding both hands out and taking Alex's in her own. "You are _so_ welcome," she said warmly, leaning forward to kiss the blonde on the cheek. "I cannot tell you how pleased I am to meet you. We've been telling Liv for _years_ that she needed the love of a good woman, haven't we Lindy?" she looked over at her partner. "I have to say," Rosie looked approvingly at Alex, "Liv has always had exquisite taste."

Alex blushed. "I'm so happy to be here," she said. "Though I can't believe you are hosting us when you are so near to your delivery date. How long is it to go now?"

"Thirteen days, give or take," Rosie told her.

"And then I'll have a little sister!" Gracie interrupted with a grin.

"And will you like being a big sister?" Alex knelt at the child's level, unconsciously stroking her soft cheek.

"I'm going to love it!" Gracie said. "Mom and Ma are going to show me how to help to take care of the baby. And I'm going to teach her all sorts of things."

"Things not related to doggy doo, I hope?" Melinda failed to keep a laugh out of her voice.

Olivia looked askance. "Rosie and I found something... unexpected under the pillow last night," Melinda told her. "I swear, if she hadn't realized it was plastic, Rosie would have given birth there and then!"

Gracie grinned mischievously. "Jeffrey Cotton lent me his poo," she explained. "I had to find somewhere fun to put it. Jeffrey's in love with me," she added, in a wise tone.

"Oh yes?" Olivia tried to keep a straight face. "And how do you feel about him? Is he potential husband material?"

"Nah," Gracie said. "He's sweet, but I'm going to marry Clifton. He's nearly eight," she whispered, conspiratorially into Olivia's ear.

"An older man, huh?" Olivia said. "Well that sounds a very sensible decision to me."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Rosie served a delicious banquet of mainly Nigerian foods, which were all bursting with flavor and, to Alex's uninitiated palate, were very exotic but nonetheless delicious. "I don't think I've ever eaten so much," Alex waved away the offer of a third plateful of caramelized bananas. "That was wonderful, Rosie. Thank you so much."

"Can we go play on my trampoline now?" Gracie grabbed Alex's hand.

"Oh no," Melinda told her daughter, laughing. "We've all had far too much to eat to even consider using the trampoline. Anyway, Gracie, I think it's about time you had your bath and then went to bed." She looked at her watch. "You really should have been in bed nearly an hour ago."

Gracie pouted. "But I want to show Auntie Alex my bedroom."

Rosie got to her feet, and put her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "I tell you what, Gracie, how about you take Auntie Alex to see your bedroom, while I run the tub? And then, maybe if you ask her _very_ nicely, Auntie Alex will read you a story when you're tucked up in bed?"

Alex nodded enthusiastically. "I'd love to," she said, her eyes shining. Olivia was delighted to see that Alex was as taken with the child as she was.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Once they had said their goodbyes, Alex casually took Olivia's hand and pulled it into the pocket of her woollen coat, their fingers intertwined.

"So that wasn't so bad, was it?" Olivia asked gently.

"It was wonderful," Alex told her. "They are such a cute family. You're right, Rosie is the sweetest. How long did you say they had been together?"

"Nearly ten years," Olivia smiled.

"And they are still so in love," Alex tightened her grip on Olivia's hand. "Do you think we'll be like that in ten years?"

"Definitely," Olivia's reply was prompt and firm. "I can't imagine ever not being in love with you, Alexandra. I have truly never met anyone like you. Just looking at you makes me happy. Being able to touch you is exquisite."

"So you don't think I'm an Ice Queen then?" Alex's voice faltered slightly.

Olivia stopped walking, turning to face Alex. "You are _so_ far from an Ice Queen," she told her tenderly. "You're warm, and kind and sensitive. You are far from cold. In fact," she grinned shyly, "I think you are the hottest woman I have ever met." She leant forward and brushed her lips over Alex's, deepening the kiss as Alex responded. She slipped her tongue into Alex's mouth, gasping as their tongues mingled playfully. She felt her own breathing quicken, and reluctantly pulled back. "Let's get you home," she said huskily, "I think we need to work off some of that food."

Alex smiled. "Any particular exercise you have in mind, Detective?" her voice had regained its playful tone.

"Oh yes, Counselor," Olivia grabbed her hand and starting walking fast towards their apartment. "Care to join me?"


	15. Chapter 15

**[Thanks to all for the very kind reviews; they keep me going when I wonder if everyone has had enough of the story! There is some naughtiness towards the end of this chapter, so please skip if it's not what you want. Thanks!]**

Olivia cranked one eye open. She smiled as she saw Alex coming in the bedroom door, bearing two mugs of coffee. She looked at her watch.

"I know," there was a laugh in Alex's voice. "I'll bet you never expected to see me awake at 7am on a Sunday."

Olivia smiled back. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" she asked as she gratefully grasped the mug that Alex passed her.

"I have to get to the apartment," Alex hesitated a little. "I had some crates delivered there yesterday. I just want to get everything packed, so it can be picked up tomorrow and I'm out before the end of the month, as my mother instructed."

Olivia's face clouded. She caught Alex's hand and pulled her back into the bed with her, taking her coffee mug from her and setting it carefully on the nightstand. "I'm so sorry," she said softly. "I know this is hard."

Alex looked at her for a brief moment. "Nothing is hard, knowing I have you to come back to," she tried to keep her voice steady.

"You'll let me come help, won't you?" Olivia asked.

Alex shook her head. "You don't have to do that. You work so hard, you need your time off."

"Oh no you don't," Olivia chided. "You are not dealing with this alone, Alexandra. You took such good care of me. It's time I did something to help you. Anyway," she smiled, "I'd miss you. What's the point of a free Sunday if I can't spend it with the woman I love?"

"Are you sure?" Alex said.

"Totally," Olivia was firm. She pulled Alex into her, and kissed her deeply.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Olivia chafed her hands together as they got out of the car. "It's turning real cold now," she commented to Alex.

"Yeah," Alex agreed. "I'm glad we're going to be indoors. At least the apartment's warm," she was looking a little nervous.

Olivia noticed the change in her demeanor. "Alex?" she asked. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Alex shook her head. "It's dumb," she admitted. "I'm kinda nervous of you seeing the apartment. I don't want you to judge me on it. It's not my taste. It's all modern, and white, and … kind of 'designery'. It's perfect for an Ice Queen," she tried not to let the bitterness in her voice show.

Olivia caught her by the hand, and stopped her in her tracks. "Listen to me," she said firmly. "I don't care what your apartment is like. I _know_ you, Alex. Over the past couple of weeks, I feel I have really gotten to know you. I wish you'd forget that nickname, it couldn't suit you any less. You are so warm and kind. Not to mention _hot_," she smiled lovingly. "Alex, don't forget, I know what it's like to have a controlling mother. And I know that you aren't impressed by designer furniture, and the trappings of wealth. Look," she took out her cellphone, and flipped through the photographs on it. "Look at this," she showed Alex a picture of herself, sitting on Olivia's couch, wearing sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt and a woollen cardigan. "Look at the smile on your face. I love this photo. It's you. As you _really_ are. No power suits, no make-up. You are beautiful. So beautiful," her voice hitched. "And happy. This is the person I'm in love with; the woman who's happy to sit on my lumpy couch and argue baseball with me. It should be me that's embarrassed about my apartment, not you. But I'm not, because I know you don't care how much money I've got, or whether I go to the right restaurants. You don't judge _me_, Alexandra, and I sure as hell am not going to judge _you_. I love you just as you are."

Alex smiled. "Wow," she said after a beat. "I'm not going to argue with that."

Olivia laughed. "Sorry," she said, "I get a little strident sometimes. C'mon then, Snow Girl," she teased. "Let me see what sort of hell you've been living in."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Despite herself, Olivia let out a low whistle as they made their way through the two-storey penthouse apartment. It was _huge_. But Alex was right, it didn't reflect who she was at all. Even the bedroom – one of four – was too perfect to be comfortable.

"I'm not taking much with me," Alex told her. "Just my clothes and books really. _And_," she smiled shyly, "there is one chair I want."

"Which one?" Olivia looked round, surprised; all the chairs were matching, and all seemed intended to impress rather than offer comfort.

"In here," Alex put her hand on a door handle. "This," she explained before she opened the door, "is my little haven. It's supposed to be my study, but I made it into a kind of living room. A _snug_, in a way. My mother was livid. But she allowed me to keep it, as long as I swore I'd never let anyone into it. And I never have. Until now. I want you to see it. I want you to see the only room that I've ever been comfortable in," shyly she opened the door.

Olivia followed Alex in. The room was small and square. It was lined with books, and housed a small television set and stereo system. A large sheepskin rug covered much of the wood panel flooring. Best of all, Olivia noticed, it had a huge, slightly tatty, overstuffed leather chair. The chair was covered in a warm rug, and it looked so inviting and comfortable. Next to the chair was a side table with a small stack of books on it. Olivia picked up the top book. "'The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie'," she said, approvingly. "You know, I was half in love with Jean Brodie all the way through my adolescence. God knows why, she's an awful woman really. I just found her enchanting."

"Me too!" Alex replied. "She's so glamorous. Flawed, but glamorous."

"So this is your refuge?" Olivia mused in wonder. "This is perfect, Alex," her voice was tender and loving. "_This_ is you. Relaxed. Classic. Beautiful," she took the blonde in her arms and kissed her softly.

Alex whimpered with pleasure at Olivia's touch. "I've never felt comfortable showing this room to anyone," she admitted, her arms around her lover. "None of my other girlfriends would ever have understood."

"So I'm the first in here?" Olivia had a twinkle in her eye.

"Yes," Alex said. "The first, and only. And it's this chair I want to take with me. Do you think we'll fit it into your apartment?"

"_Our_ apartment, you mean?" Olivia said. "We'll make it fit. It's special to you, isn't it?"

Alex nodded. "I bought it for myself when I was at college. It's the first thing I bought with my own money, I didn't want to rely on my mother to pay for it. I got it in an antiques shop. It's not that old, I don't think. It's just... sitting in it, you feel... kind of 'embraced', I suppose. Is that stupid?"

Olivia inexplicably found that her eyes were filling with tears. "Not stupid. Not stupid at all," she whispered.

"Here," Alex pushed her towards the chair. "Sit in it. See if you agree with me."

Olivia lowered herself into the chair, keeping hold of Alex's hand. She sighed, as the warm leather welcomed her, and she pulled the woollen rug around her shoulders. "This is perfect, Alex," she said. "No wonder you spent so much time in here."

"I slept here a lot too," Alex admitted.

"That doesn't surprise me," Olivia told her. She pulled Alex into her lap, and kissed her, her heart filling with pleasure as she felt her lover's enthusiastic response. "Hey," she had a thought. "If you've never brought a girlfriend in here, then there's a good chance you've never made love in this chair? Not even at college?"

Alex could see where Olivia's mind was going. She grinned. "Never," she said. "I've never even let anyone sit in it before. It's been my … private place. Somewhere to hide away."

Olivia smiled back at her. She kissed her again softly, and let her hand wander over Alex's torso, enjoying the small squeak that Alex emitted as she kneaded a soft breast. Very slowly, she started to unbutton her shirt. As she drew the shirt to the side, she could very clearly see a taut nipple straining against the silky fabric of Alex's bra. Olivia leant down and kissed it tenderly through the material. Alex gasped at the contact, so Olivia kissed it again, her tongue swabbing the now-wet material.

"Oh Liv," Alex's voice was rough with desire. Unwittingly, she cupped the back of Olivia's head, encouraging the contact. She groaned with disappointment as Olivia pulled back, but realized it was only to free Alex of her shirt, dragging it impatiently down her arms. Olivia's tongue returned to the stiff nipple, sending a jolt of almost exquisite pain to Alex's centre. "More," Alex's breathing quickened, as she pushed against her lover. Olivia reached behind Alex and expertly unfastened her bra, cupping her firm breasts in her hands. Alex cried out as Olivia's tongue teased first one nipple and then the other, unimpeded by clothing. She tugged at Olivia's shirt, dragging it over her head, her hands desperate to caress the warm, smooth flesh beneath.

Olivia felt Alex fumbling at her waistband, and lifted her hips as Alex dragged her jeans and her panties down her legs. Her tongue continued in its ministrations as she in turn slipped a hand inside Alex's slacks, probing her slick, welcoming folds.

Alex had never felt so uninhibited as she did with Olivia, and the noises she made only served to increase Olivia's ardor. Scrambling to get out of their clothes, the two women very soon found themselves completely naked, thrusting and bucking almost uncontrollably against each other in the warm blanket in that wonderful chair. Alex came first, crying out desperately as she did, her mouth against Olivia's full breast. Olivia's release followed only seconds afterwards. She held Alex to her, saddened but unsurprised to find tears running down her lover's cheeks. This had been about more than sex for both of them, but especially so for Alex. Olivia realized instinctually the emotional release that Alex had achieved. She held her lovingly against her breast, making gentle soothing noises, rubbing loving circles on her back. Eventually she realized that Alex's breathing had evened out, and that she had fallen to sleep, Olivia's nipple in her mouth.

Olivia pulled the large, warm blanket around them both, and held her sleeping lover. She could almost feel the tension draining out of her. She knew only too well what it was like to be rejected by a mother, though Alex's rejection had been more direct and final than the years of sniping she continued to endure from her own damaged mother. She knew that in emptying the apartment of the few belongings that she wanted, Alex was closing a chapter in her life. Olivia also knew that, however sure Alex was that she had made the right decision, it was nonetheless a painful and harsh one for her. "I love you," she whispered into the blonde's soft hair. "So much."

Alex slept for almost two hours, never once releasing her hold on Olivia. When she finally awoke, her eyes were clear and her expression relaxed. She stirred in Olivia's arms, and reached up for a kiss. "Oh yeah," she said, an amused smile on her face.

Olivia looked at her, awaiting an explanation.

"We're definitely taking the chair now," Alex said.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Are you sure that's all you want?" Olivia queried Alex. "What about all the kitchen equipment?"

"It's not mine," Alex's voice was firm. "Mother bought it all. Or her designers did. I don't want it. Unless there's anything you want?"

Olivia shook her head.

"Oh wait," Alex smiled, as she reached into a drawer. "There is _one_ thing Mother didn't buy," she pulled out a beer bottle opener, with the San Francisco Giants' logo on it.

"Your first girlfriend," Olivia remembered with a smile.

"Yep," Alex said. "Amelia bought this for me, on that weekend I spent with her all those years ago. You don't mind?" she asked Olivia.

"Why should I mind?" Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "I like beer."

Alex kissed her. "I love that you're not jealous," she said.

"I would be, if she weren't 4,125 miles away," Olivia smiled. "And if," her voice turned serious, "if I weren't completely certain that we'll be together for ever. However many ex-girlfriends you've had. And I want to hear about every single one of them, make no mistake."

"I swear," Alex said. "You too," she added. "No secrets."

"None," Olivia promised.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"How about some lunch?" Olivia suggested, as they sealed the last crate together in the kitchen. "Let me take you out."

"_You_ take _her_ out?" a sarcastic voice rang out from the doorway. "What makes you think you can afford to take her out? Unless you expect her to slum it."

Olivia whirled round and, before anyone knew what was happening, she had her gun trained on the intruder. "Who the hell are you?" she spat, seeing a well-dressed woman of around 35 standing there.

"I might well ask you the same question. Lexi," the woman said, "please tell me this isn't happening. You haven't given up your whole life for this... _cop_? This _public servant_? That is such a cliché." She looked at Olivia as if she were something she had found on the bottom of her shoe.

"Carolyn," Alex's voice was icy. "You may be my older sister, but do not presume to tell me how to live my life. How _dare_ you break in here?"

"I didn't break in," Carolyn replied, rattling a set of keys. "Mother gave me these. I understand she has given you notice to quit."

"By the end of the month," Alex tried to remain calm. "Olivia, she's an intruder. Shoot her."

Olivia realized that she still had her gun trained on the woman who, it now transpired, was Alex's sister. She slipped the safety back on and reholstered it. She reached for Alex's hand. "We're leaving," her voice was quiet but authoritative. "I have nothing to say to you. Alex, do you have anything you want to say before we go?"

Alex shook her head, and took Olivia's proffered hand. She started towards the door, and then turned. "Yes, actually," she said. "I do have something I'd like to say. Carolyn, you are one of the saddest people I know. You have a loveless marriage, an unfaithful husband and, worst of all, a teenage daughter who despises you. Your only consolation is that you have more money than you know what to do with. Well I hope it makes you happy, because you sure as hell don't have anything else that is going to. I am far richer than you will ever be, in all the things that count. Olivia _is_ a cop. One of the best there has ever been. She truly is New York's Finest. She is smart, beautiful and classy, in the real sense of the word. And kind, compassionate and so loving. And like me she is a public servant, and proud to be so. And I am the luckiest woman in the world, because this wonderful woman, who deserves so much more than I could ever offer, loves me. For who I am. I saw her face when I told Mother she could keep all her money, and you know what I saw? Relief. Unlike your husband Brian, Olivia doesn't want my money. She wants me. And you will never have any idea how good that feels. I pity you, Carolyn."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Alex clung tight to Olivia's hand all the way to the parking garage. Olivia guided her to the passenger seat. "I'll drive," she said.

Alex nodded, dumbly. She looked over at Olivia. "I meant every word," she said.

"I know," Olivia told her. "And I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure you never regret saying it." She leaned over and kissed Alex.

"I love you," they both spoke at the exact same moment.


	16. Chapter 16

"So where shall we go for lunch?" Olivia tried to keep her tone light as she drove.

Alex shook her head. "Let's just go home," she said quietly.

Olivia glanced over at her lover and saw her pale face. "Hey Alex," she reached out and put a gentle hand on her arm. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Liv," Alex said. "Truly. I'm just not in the mood for a restaurant. Let's go home, and I'll cook lunch for us. Anyway," she forced herself to smile, "I know you're itching to get back to your case files."

"You're all I care about right now," Olivia's voice was full of love.

Alex looked over at her. "I know, my darling, and I love you for that. But this case is important, I know that. We'll have some lunch, then maybe we can go through it together? See if either of us can spot anything. Life goes on, Liv," she said, sounding sad. "I want to carry on as usual," she swallowed. "I _need_ to carry on as usual." She felt Olivia's hand squeezing her tenderly.

"Okay," Olivia said. "Will you make that tuna salad?" she asked. "That's so delicious when you make it."

Alex smiled happily. "Of course I will," she said.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"We've got to be missing something," several hours later Olivia threw a bunch of photographs on the table in frustration. "There has to be a link between these three. Aside from the conversion to Judaism thing, that is. The churches they are leaving are all different, the synagogues they're going to aren't even near each other. The rabbis are different. There's got to be _something_," she said angrily.

"You'll find it, whatever it is," Alex said softly. "It's there somewhere. What can I do? Let me help, Liv."

"You can tell me the name and the address of the animal that's doing all this," Olivia spat, as she pointed to one of the crime scene photos. "Oh shit, Alex," she said immediately, regretting her words. "I'm so sorry. None of this is your fault, you're just trying to help. I'm just so scared that we won't find him before he does it again. I hate that another woman is likely going to die at his hands. But yelling at you isn't going to help anyone. I'm so sorry Alexandra, your day has already been tough enough."

"Some parts of the day have been great," Alex said, trying to make Olivia smile. "There was one part in particular that I really rather enjoyed."

Olivia smiled tiredly at her. "Yeah," she remembered. She leaned over and kissed Alex. "Today hasn't been _all_ bad. How do you feel about everything now?" she asked.

"I'm fi...," Alex started, and then shook herself. For the first time in her life, she wanted to be completely open, she really wanted Olivia to know how she felt. "I'm sad," she admitted slowly. "I always knew Carolyn and my mother disapproved of me. They did even before I came out. I was never good enough for them. But part of me always hoped that... you know... one day, we'll all be a proper family. Daddy and Graham were the only ones who loved me for who I am."

"You never talk about your father," Olivia took Alex's hand tenderly, chafing it between her own. Despite the warmth in the room, Alex had started to shake a little.

"He died," Alex's voice was a monotone.

Olivia stood up and went into the bedroom, returning with a thick blanket. She wrapped it round Alex's shoulders, sitting next to her on the couch. "C'mon," she said gently. "Lie down. Let me hold you for a bit."

Alex nodded, allowing Olivia to guide her into her lap, whimpering with pleasure at the warmth of the embrace and the woollen blanket. "S'nice," she said, reaching out and grasping one of Olivia's hands.

"You want to talk about it?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Alex said slowly. "I never get to talk about Daddy. Mother and Carolyn hate it when I mention his name."

"What happened?" Olivia asked.

"Cancer," Alex said. "Lung cancer," she inhaled sharply at the memory.

"How long ago?" Olivia wanted to know.

"Six years," Alex said.

"Oh Alex," Olivia said. "You were, what, 22?"

"21," Alex replied. "Nearly 22. They were divorced," she said. "Mother didn't approve of him. It's ironic, really. She wanted him, his money, his status, his _respectability_. She came from an ordinary family, you know. Her father was a dentist. But she was always desperate to make her mark in society."

"I always imagined your mother came from old money?" Olivia was surprised.

Alex snorted. "Ellie Brown?" she said. "No. She re-invented herself. Very successfully too. She became Eleanor Madison-Adams, and started hunting for a rich husband. She found one too. What she wasn't expecting was that Daddy wasn't impressed by his own wealth and family background. She despaired of his lack of worldliness. Daddy was happiest in his workshop, tinkering with old radios. He had zero interest in the society pages. They divorced when I was 11," her voice cracked. "I begged him to take me with him, but he said I'd be happier with Mother. I think he truly believed it. Back then, everyone assumed the children would be better off with the mother."

"So _he_ moved out? Wasn't it his family home?" Olivia didn't really understand.

"He didn't care about things like that; Mother did. So he just gave her everything. He moved to a house nearby, so's we could visit. I was there as often as Mother would let me. _That_ was her punishment if I acted out, keeping me from seeing Daddy. So I made sure I didn't do anything to rile her. In truth, I think she was glad to get rid of me. She and Carolyn were always so busy, plotting the next house party or soirée. I _hated_ it," she said. "I never went back after I left for college. Daddy let me stay with him in the vacation. Until he got sick," she gulped. "Then he didn't want me around. Said he didn't want me to have to see him deteriorate. But I couldn't leave him, Liv," her voice was anguished.

Olivia lovingly ran her hand through Alex's hair. "I know, baby," she whispered. "I know."

"We compromised in the end," Alex continued. "We hired a nurse, so that he could keep his dignity, and to protect me from the worst of it. He died in my arms, Olivia," a tear rolled down Alex's cheek.

Olivia didn't know what to say, so she just continued to caress her lover tenderly.

"Some of it was good," Alex said, unexpectedly. "It was awful, watching him get sicker each day. But he had some good days, and we just talked and talked. And if he was feeling bad, he'd just listen. I told him everything about me. He knew I was gay, and he genuinely didn't care. He made me promise him that I wouldn't compromise in love. He said he half-wished her had never met my mother, and instead found somebody who loved him for what he was. But then," she was weeping openly now, "he said he could never regret meeting her, because if he hadn't, he wouldn't have me. I was his favorite," she said, "with Graham coming a close second. He never got along with Carolyn, they didn't understand each other. But he loved me, and I loved him. So much."

"Oh Alex," Olivia's heart broke for her. "I'm so sorry, baby. That's too young to lose your father."

"He made me understand love," Alex burrowed into Olivia's front. "He taught me what was important. That's my biggest regret," she said.

"What is Alex?" Olivia asked.

"That he never met you," Alex turned and looked up into Olivia's warm brown eyes, seeing only love and concern. "He would have loved you. You'd have been real good friends."

"I think I would have loved him too, from what you say," Olivia's tone was warm and loving.

"I won't miss them," Alex said suddenly. "Mother and Carolyn. I liked Sarah," she said, referring to Carolyn's 16-year-old daughter. "But she'll get away from them as soon as she can. She has real drive, and determination. I'll miss her. But I won't miss them."

"I'm so sorry," Olivia said. "I never wanted you to lose your family for me."

"I _found_ my family with you," Alex told her. "My _real_ family. And one day we'll have a family of our own, huh?"

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

At 3am, Alex turned over in the bed, surprised to find it empty and the space next to her cold. "Liv?" she called. "Olivia?" she saw a light under the door. She got up and made her way into the living room. Olivia was seated on the couch, surrounded in paperwork and photographs.

"Liv? What are you doing?" Alex asked.

Olivia looked up, startled. She had been so engrossed she hadn't noticed Alex coming out of the bedroom. "I've got it!" she announced, waving a photograph in the air.

"Got what, baby?" Alex was still sleep-fogged.

"The link! _A_ link, anyway," Olivia said. "A book. See, here, in this photograph of the first crime scene, you get a good view of the bookshelf. Here," she thrust a magnifying glass at Alex.

"I don't have my glasses," Alex said. "You tell me what's there."

"'Judaism: a Beginner's Guide for the New Convert'," Olivia announced.

"_And_?" Alex asked patiently, rubbing her eyes in a desperate attempt to wake up.

"It's in all their homes!" Olivia sounded excited. "Well, I can see it in three out of four. I'm betting that it'll show up at the other house too. Don't you see?" she was gabbling now.

"Explain it to me," Alex said drily.

"It's a very specific book," Olivia gestured to the laptop in her lap. "And from what I can see, it's only available online from these two bookshops. I'm betting that all of the victims got theirs online from the same shop. _That's_ the link!" she said proudly.

"Oh my God," Alex said, as realization dawned. "Have you got their computers?"

Olivia nodded excitedly. "I'll get the computer guys to check for this tomorrow," she said, and then let out a huge yawn.

"It already _is_ tomorrow. How long have you been sitting in here?" Alex asked.

Olivia looked at her watch. "Three hours?" she admitted, shamefaced.

Alex reached out and took her hand. "This can wait," she said firmly. She pulled Olivia off the couch and led her to the bedroom. "You need to sleep," she kissed her softly, as they snuggled down in the bed. "I'm real proud of you Olivia," she said.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Yes!" Elliot punched the air. He ran round the side of the desk, and kissed Olivia soundly on the cheek. "Great catch, partner," he smiled.

"So what do we do now?" Olivia asked Captain Cragen, who had joined them.

"Fin and Munch are going to the bookshop, see what they can find. You two are needed at the ME's office, apparently Warner has made some interesting discoveries.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Diesel?" Elliot asked.

"Microscopic residues, on all four victims," Melinda told him.

"So what does that mean?" Olivia asked. "Surely diesel is found all over the city?"

"It is," Melinda agreed. "But this is not the standard diesel fuel that you put in your car. This has been treated."

"Red diesel," Elliot said.

"Exactly," Melinda replied. "I had it analyzed. It's Solvent Red 164, used for oil heaters, as well as in some industrial applications."

"So you think all the victims were all killed in the same place before being dumped, and that place had Solvent Red 164 in it?"

Melinda nodded. "It's not much, I know."

"It's something," Olivia said. "Thanks Melinda."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Melinda Warner drove home that evening, her mind on the case. She tried not to worry about Olivia. The detective seemed even more hell-bent on solving the case than usual, but she could understand that; the MO was so horrific that even she had trouble when performing the autopsies.

Olivia would be fine, she told herself, especially now that she had Alex to take care of her. She smiled at the thought. For years, she had hoped Olivia would find the right woman, but it just never seemed to happen. She and Rosie had kept trying to get her to go out, go somewhere where she could meet someone, but they rarely had any success. And now, without even leaving the precinct, Olivia had found the beautiful blonde who was a perfect match for her.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

As she heard the key turned in the lock, Alex looked at her watch in surprise. It was not even 6pm, and Olivia was home. She looked up from chopping onions, and smiled. "You're early," she said, as she wiped her hands and approached her lover. She kissed her thoroughly, smiling at Olivia's eager response.

"I'm glad you've taken note of the house rules," Olivia's voice was a little ragged.

"I'm just glad to see you home before midnight," Alex said.

Olivia grinned, slightly shamefacedly. "Cragen sent me home. Told me to get some sleep," she said.

Alex smiled back, delighted that Olivia was being forced to take care of herself.

"What are _you_ doing home anyway?" Olivia asked. "Not that I'm not thrilled that you are, but this is early for you too."

Alex pointed to a stack of papers on the coffee table in the living room. "I still have work to do," she said. "But I wanted to cook dinner for my girlfriend first."

"You don't _always_ have to cook, Alex," Olivia said. "It's my turn to cook for you."

"I wanted to," Alex looked slightly embarrassed. "Mother sent me on all these cookery courses when I was a teenager. I think she was trying to make me eligible, so that I could find a nice young man and settle down," she laughed at the irony. "So I'm making use of the lessons now. I never liked to cook just for myself; now I have you, I'm finding that I love it. It makes me happy to cook for you," she smiled, half-apologetically.

Olivia put both her arms around her. "It makes me happy that it makes you happy," she said softly. She kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Tell me counselor, is this food... time-sensitive? Or can we take a little... hiatus... before we eat?"

Alex kissed her back. "We have all the time we need," she told her. "We can heat it up when we're ready," she reached over and turned off the heat on the stove.

Olivia took her hand and was leading her to the bedroom when the telephone rang. "Leave it," she instructed Alex. "If it's important, they'll leave a message." They had just reached the bedroom door when the message clicked in. They heard a tinny voice; a young girl. Gracie's voice, Olivia realized.

"Auntie Livvie?" the girl sounded a little anxious. "Ma said to call you. Are you there? The baby's coming."

Olivia leapt to the phone and grabbed it. "Gracie!" she said. "I'm here. Are you okay honey?"

Gracie nodded, without realizing she couldn't be seen. "Can you come over? Ma says she and Mom need a ride to the hospital."

"We'll be there in three minutes," Olivia grabbed her purse and looked for her jacket.

Alex handed her the jacket and grabbed her own purse. She smiled at Olivia, pushing the slightly flustered woman out of the apartment. "Rain check?" she grinned, her eyebrow cocked at a jaunty angle.

"Definitely," Olivia kissed her quickly.


	17. Chapter 17

Melinda Warner looked at her watch; 5.40pm, later than she had hoped, but still not bad. She was trying very hard to make sure that she got home as early as she could these days. Rosie was still bursting with energy, but Melinda wanted to be there so that the woman she thought of as her wife did not have to deal with all the demands of domestic life on her own.

Melinda also wanted to make sure she saw their daughter for as long as possible before the six-year-old's bedtime. As she turned her key in the lock, she smiled at the thought of the girl who had brought so much joy into their lives. She opened the door, and was delighted to see her daughter coming towards her. "Hey, baby girl," Melinda said. "I was just thinking about you."

"Come quick, Ma," Gracie grasped her mother's hand urgently. "I don't think Mommy's feeling very good."

Melinda's blood ran cold, as she sprinted into the living room, where she saw her wife sitting on the couch, her features tense, a grey cast to her face. "Rosie?" Melinda put her hand on her back, which was damp with sweat. She noticed Rosie taking careful breaths. "I'm here, Rosie," Melinda's voice was soft and calm. "Gracie says you don't feel good."

"Back hurts," Rosie's voice was tight and small. "Kinda queasy too."

Melinda knelt in front of her, and carefully ran both hands over Rosie's swollen belly. She smiled. "I don't think that's backache, honey. I think you're in labor. Did you throw up?"

Rosie nodded, her lips a thin, tight line.

"That's quite normal," Melinda said soothingly. "A lot of women get sick during labor. You still feel sick?"

Rosie nodded, sweat breaking out on her forehead.

"Okay, let's get you to the bathroom," Melinda remained calm. "And then I'll take a good look at you. I think we'll be heading for the hospital soon."

Melinda helped Rosie to kneel in front of the toilet and held her as she heaved.

"Is Mommy okay?" Gracie's frightened voice came from the door.

"She's going to be fine," Melinda told her reassuringly. "Gracie, can you call Auntie Livvie? Ask her if she can drive us to the hospital. Your little sister is just about ready to say hi."

"'kay, Ma," Gracie headed for the telephone.

"That's good, Rosa," Melinda reached up for a warm towel, and wrapped it round her wife's shaking shoulders. "You're doing really well."

Gracie re-entered the bathroom. "Auntie Livvie's coming," she told her mothers.

"Good girl," Melinda smiled at their daughter. "What would we do without you?"

Gracie smiled back. "Are you alright Mommy?" she looked at the women currently cradled in Melinda's arms.

"She's feeling better now, aren't you honey?" Melinda addressed Rosie directly. Rosie nodded, her eyes closed.

"Gracie, would you run that washcloth under the warm tap, and then pass it to me?" Melinda asked. Gracie did as directed, and Melinda tenderly wiped Rosie's face and upper chest. "How's that?" she asked her solicitously.

"Better," Rosie said. "Help me up."

Shakily, Rosie got to her feet with Melinda's help. She smiled weakly at Melinda. "So it's really happening?" she asked.

"It looks like it," Melinda smiled. "Let's get you lying down, I want to take a look at you."

"'kay," Rosie nodded, taking a step forward. "Oh God," she cried out suddenly, clutching at Melinda's hand.

"Rosie?" Melinda looked at her face, which was contorted with pain.

"Mel?" Rosie sounded panicked. "Something's... aaagh," a warm flood of fluid shot down her legs.

Melinda caught her wife as she pitched forward, and gently guided her to sit on the lid of the toilet. She cupped her face tenderly. "Well," she said softly. "We may be a bit further on that we thought," she smiled. "That's your water broken. And you saved the carpet," she tried to inject a little humor to relax Rosie who was looking terrified. "Hey, Rosa," she said softly. "This is all good. This is just how it's supposed to happen. Look at me, Rosie," she said tenderly. "You're doing great. Olivia will be here any minute with the car. Let's get these off," she gently removed Rosie's pants and underwear, and wiped her down with the cloth that was still in her hand. "We'll go to the bedroom and I'll just check you over quickly." She heard a knock at the door.

"Auntie Livvie!" Gracie cried.

"Make sure it's her before you open the door," Rosie called out.

"Auntie Livvie, is that you?" Gracie called through the closed door.

"It's me," Olivia said. "And Auntie Alex."

Gracie opened the door and accepted a warm hug from both of her honorary aunts.

"Hey Gracie," Alex knelt at her level. "Are you doing okay?"

Gracie nodded solemnly. "Mommy's having her baby," she said. "Ma's taking care of her. Will we all go to hospital?"

"We'll wait a minute and see what your Ma thinks," Alex told her.

"I'm just going to check on them," Olivia said, affectionately caressing Gracie's head as she made her way to the bedroom. She saw Melinda kneeling in front of a bowed Rosie, who was sitting on the edge of the bed. She knocked softly on the door. "Hey," she called softly.

Melinda looked up. "Olivia," relief flooded her voice.

"Wanna ride?" Olivia smiled, and rattled her keys.

"I think so," Melinda said. "I'm just going to check things out," she helped Rosie fully on to the bed and directed her to lie down. "See where we're at."

Olivia approached Rosie's head, taking her hand as Melinda draped a sheet over her to preserve her modesty. "It's D-Day, huh?" Olivia smiled, as she squeezed Rosie's fingers.

Rosie nodded and tried to smile.

"You don't need to be scared, Rosie," Olivia's voice was soft. "It'll be okay."

Rosie swallowed. "It's all real now," she whispered. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Of course you can," Olivia told her. "And you've got Melinda, she'll be with you the whole time, won't you Melinda?"

Rosie cried out as another contraction shook her; the pain was indescribable, and she clung desperately to Olivia's hand as she rode out the spasms.

Melinda looked up, her voice quiet and calm. "Looks like we're a little further along than we thought," she said. She approached Rosie's head. "Hey, Rosa," she stroked her face. "This baby's not going to wait for any hospital. Our daughter's going to be born right here."

Rosie looked panic-stricken. "Here?" she said. "But I don't know what to do! What happens if anything goes wrong? Who's going to take care of Gracie? Is the baby alright? Is there something wrong with her?"

Melinda's voice was soothing. "Everything's fine, Rosie. The baby's doing well, you're doing well. But we don't have time to get to the hospital; you're almost fully dilated. Someone is in a hurry to meet you," she kissed her softly. "Olivia, can you call the midwife? The number's by the phone."

"Of course," Olivia nodded and darted away. She was back in two minutes. "On her way," she told them. "She says she'll be here in 20 minutes, max. What can I do?"

"You stay with Rosie," Melinda told her. "I'm going to keep an eye on progress. You'll be okay, honey, both of you," she reassured her wife. "And Gracie's keeping Alex entertained in the living room."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"She's fine, Gracie," Alex reassured the six-year-old child. "Truly."

"I heard her shouting," Gracie looked perturbed.

"Ladies do that when they're having babies," Alex told her. "It's kinda sore when a baby comes. But once she's here, your Mom is going to forget all about the pain. She'll just be so pleased to meet your little sister."

"Did Ma shout when I was born?" Gracie wanted to know.

"I'm sure she did," Alex told her. "We'll ask her all about it later. And I'll bet she tells you that it was all worth it once she saw your face," she smiled at the child. "Have you got any pictures of you as a baby?" she cast about for a distraction technique. "I bet you were really cute."

Gracie grinned widely. "Ma and Mom have got lots of pictures," she told Alex. "Do you want to see them?"

Alex nodded enthusiastically, so Gracie went over to a large closet and started dragging out album after album out. "This is the first one," she carried it over to Alex. "When I was real small." She settled on the couch, dragging Alex with her. "Here's a picture of the day I was born." Alex looked over at a family picture of the three of them. Melinda looked exhausted, but exhilarated as she cradled a small, perfect bundle. Rosie sat on the bed next to them, her arm round her wife, her other hand stroking the baby's face. Alex almost gasped at the look of love in the eyes of both the women.

"Ma says that was the best day of her life," Gracie said shyly. "Even though it hurt a lot."

Alex smiled at her. "That's how your Mom's going to feel later," she said. "It'll hurt when the baby's coming, but then when she's here, all the hurt will be forgotten. Sometimes something can be really difficult, but then it's so worth it once it's finished."

"Have you had any babies?" Gracie asked Alex.

Alex grinned and shook her head. "Not yet, Gracie. But I hope to one day. Though it'll be hard to have a baby as cute as you were," she pointed down at a picture of a grinning three-month-old Gracie. "Look at what a beautiful baby you were."

Gracie smiled. "Will you have babies with Auntie Livvie, like Ma and Mom?" she asked.

Alex nodded. "I hope so, Gracie. That's what I want, more than anything."

"You love Auntie Livvie?" Gracie wanted to know.

"More than anything," Alex told her.

Gracie nodded. "I love Auntie Livvie too," she said. "She's real nice."

"She is, isn't she?" Alex agreed. "She's the nicest person I know."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Rosie cried out again, gripping Olivia's hand in a vise-like grip.

"How long is that?" Melinda asked.

"Since the last one?" Olivia looked at her watch. "Just over four minutes."

"Where is that damned midwife?" Melinda demanded.

"It's only ten minutes since I called," Olivia remained calm. "She'll be here soon. What can I do?"

As she asked, Rosie moaned again, bruising Olivia's hand with the force of her grasp.

Melinda made a further check on progress. "You're 10cm dilated, baby," she said with a gentle smile. "Are you ready to push?"

"Oh God yes," Rosie breathed.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Here she comes," Melinda smiled as she saw the baby's head emerging. "Oh shit," she said, her blood running cold as she spotted the cord wrapped round the baby's neck.

"Stop pushing," she instructed Rosie sharply. "Cord's in the way." Melinda scrabbled

"Can't stop," Rosie panted, "oh God, help," she screamed as she forced herself not to push.

Olivia saw her distress, and did the only thing she could think of. She climbed up on the bed behind her, sitting with one leg either side of her and pulled her into her arms, supporting her firmly. She could feel Rosie's hand on her arm. "That's it, Rosie," Olivia whispered. "Squeeze as hard as you can," she placed a hand on her belly, and felt another contraction building. She could feel and hear Rosie panting desperately, trying to stop pushing as Melinda struggled frantically, trying to release the cord from the baby's neck. "As hard as you like," with all her strength she held on to the distraught woman. "That's good," she reassured her, "you're doing really well." Olivia could see the panic on the woman's face, and knew how important it was that she keep her as calm as possible. Melinda had gone worryingly quiet as she fought to release the stranglehold that the cord had formed round the baby's neck, a stranglehold that would only tighten if Rosie were to push again. Rosie screamed in pain and distress, digging her fingers deep into Olivia's arm.

"Nearly there," Melinda said as she managed to get her fingers under the slippery cord. She finally managed to slip it off the neck of the unborn child. She looked up, relief flooding her face. "It's okay, Rosie," tears rolled down her face. "She's going to be okay. You can push now, sweetheart. You did good, real good."

Rosie let out an anguished howl, pain, fear and relief all fighting for dominance. Olivia's arms encircled her lovingly. "It's okay now, Rosie," she told her. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Try and steady your breathing," Melinda advised from her position down the bed. "That's it, Rosa, nearly there honey. Just a few more will do it."

Olivia supported the exhausted woman as she bore down, crying out as she pushed.

"She's nearly there," Melinda kept up a running commentary. "That's her shoulders coming. Once more Rosie, one last big push, you're doing so well."

Rosie gave a loud scream, pushing with all her might. She collapsed into Olivia's arms, as her daughter slid out in Melinda's waiting hands. For a few terrifying seconds, there was complete silence in the room, finally broken by the cry of a baby.

Olivia's face split into a wide grin and she hugged Rosie tightly from behind her.

"She's here," Melinda's voice was awe-stricken. "She's perfect, Rosie," she tried not to sob. "Olivia, can you help me? Will you hold her as I cut the cord?"

Olivia slid out from behind Rosie, making sure that she was settled comfortably. She approached Melinda who passed her a tiny, towel-wrapped bundle. "Hey baby girl," Olivia whispered as she took her tenderly in her arms and kissed her softly on the forehead. Melinda delved into her doctor's bag, finding a clip and scissors. She clipped off the cord, cutting it carefully.

"You want to take her to meet her Mommy?" Melinda's eyes were filled with tears.

Olivia was overwhelmed. "I'd be honored," her voice cracked. Very carefully, she passed the tiny infant to Rosie, who took her in her arms.

Olivia looked on in wonder as Melinda kissed Rosie tenderly. Tactfully, she withdrew from the room, wanting to give the family a few minutes to themselves. She shut the door behind her, and let out a deep breath. The emotion of the delivery had stretched her to her limits, and she put her hands on her thighs as she leant forward, breathing deeply to try and collect herself. She didn't notice Alex approaching, only realizing she was there when she felt her warm hand on her back.

"Everything okay?" Alex's voice was tender and concerned.

Olivia nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She smiled. "It's all good," she told her lover. "Beautiful baby girl. They're all okay," she started to weep as Alex took her in her arms and held her for a few moments.

"You wanna come tell Gracie the good news?" Alex asked. Olivia nodded.

They went into the living room, where Gracie was watching television. Olivia crouched at the child's level. "Hey Gracie, d'you want to come meet your little sister?" Olivia asked her gently.

Gracie flung her arms round Olivia. Olivia held her to her for a few moments, relishing the warmth of the much-loved little girl. "C'mon," she led her by the hand, and knocked softly on the door. "Are you ready for Gracie?" Olivia called.

"Always," Rosie's voice sounded stronger. "Come on in Gracie, I wanna see you," she called.

Olivia pushed her through the door.

"You too, Liv," Melinda came to the door and took Olivia's hand. "And Alex," she beckoned across. "We want you to meet the newest member of the family. This," she said as Olivia and Alex entered, "is our new daughter. Come and meet Katie, Katherine. Katherine Olivia Obayomi-Warner, to give her her full name."


	18. Chapter 18

**[oops, forgot to add a warning for this chapter; some graphic stuff lower down, ignore/don't read if it's not your thing. As always, huge thanks to all who have taken the time to review.] **

A knock at the door announced the arrival of the midwife, so Alex went to let her in.

"You've missed all the action," Alex smiled as the woman entered.

"Baby too impatient to wait for me?" the midwife laughed. "I'll just go check everyone's doing okay." Alex showed her to the bedroom.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

By the time everything was organized at the Obayomi-Warner apartment, and Rosie and baby Katie had been given the all-clear, it was nearly 10pm. Olivia and Alex made their weary way home, tired but exhilarated by the event.

Alex swiftly heated up the food, and served it to Olivia on the couch, settling next to her with her own plate. They ate in silence, and slid the plates onto the table in front of them afterwards. Olivia shifted position and pulled Alex into her arms, so that they were lying on the couch, entwined together. She kissed Alex tenderly.

"She's so beautiful, isn't she?" Olivia's voice was full of awe. "I've never been so close to such a new baby."

"You helped to deliver her," Alex reminded her. She took Olivia's hand, and pulled up the sleeve on her shirt. "And here's the proof," she ran her fingers lightly over the five bruises made by Rosie's fingers where she had clutched so desperately at Olivia. "This looks sore," Alex kissed the skin softly.

Olivia smiled. "It's nothing," she said. "Poor Rosie was trying not to push, she had to save Katie, stop her being strangled by the cord." Absentmindedly she rubbed the skin, and pulled the sleeve back down. "I was the first to hold her, after Melinda," she remembered how she had felt with the new, tiny life in her arms. "She was so beautiful. So little. So innocent. All fresh and new, all ready to start being a person. Starting out on her journey."

Alex looked at Olivia, realizing how emotionally drained she was. "Hey, Liv," she took her hand. "Are you okay?"

Olivia nodded, trying not to cry.

"It's okay, Olivia," Alex said lovingly. "Let it out."

Olivia looked her in the eye. "I just... seeing her there... so new, so innocent. It made me think. A baby like that, it can't have any bad in it. It makes me wonder what my mom saw that was so awful. Did she see something in me that reminded me of my father? Do I look like him? And why couldn't she forgive me, if she saw me when I was like that? She's never forgiven me for him," tears slid down her face. "She thinks I'm intrinsically bad in some way. She called me a deviant, Alex," Olivia caught her breath as she struggled not to weep.

Alex didn't know what to say. She got up from the couch and put both hands out to Olivia. "Let's go to bed, sweetheart," she said tenderly. "You've had a rough time, you're exhausted. Try not to think about her. She's damaged, and you can't fix her. You've tried Olivia. You trust my judgment, right?"

Olivia nodded as she let Alex lead her into the bedroom.

"My Daddy made me promise him I would never compromise on love. He made me swear I would only settle with the very best. _You're_ the very best, Liv. In every way."

Olivia looked up at her, her eyes sad.

"Some days, Mom can't even bear to look at me," she whispered.

"Then she is the loser," Alex pressed Olivia on to the bed. "Every moment I'm not looking at you is a moment wasted."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

Olivia woke the next morning at 6.20am, hating the empty space next to her. She relaxed and smiled when she heard the shower running. Alex was still there. Still with her. She made her way to the bathroom, and saw the silhouette of her lover in the shower. Her mouth went dry. Stripping off her sleep shirt and shorts, she stepped into the shower, embracing Alex from behind.

Alex grinned as she felt Olivia's warm hands wrap round her and settle against her flat stomach. "Hey," she said softly. "Good morning."

"It is now," Olivia smiled. She brought her hands up to cup Alex's breasts, grinning as she felt her nipples hardening instantly at the touch. "Wanna fool around?"

Alex turned in the embrace and faced Olivia. She peered anxiously into her eyes, relaxing as she realized that Olivia looked well-rested and free of the tension of the previous night.

"I have to be at work at 8am," Alex protested.

"Well I had better be quick then," Olivia ran her hand down Alex's back, clasping a pert buttock.

"Liv," Alex tried to wriggle out of her hold. "Liv, shouldn't we wait until we have more time? I mean, if we can... oh Liv," she gasped as Olivia pressed her gently against the tiled wall and pushed a well-muscled thigh between her own. "Do we really have time? We should really... oh my God," Olivia's other hand slid between her legs, "oh Olivia. Oh God, that's it. Just there. Harder."

Alex reached up and pulled Olivia's head down, pulling her mouth to her own nipple. "I want to feel your mouth on me," Alex's breathing quickened, and she mewled as Olivia's tongue flicked over a sensitive nub. Alex's hand very gently caressed one of Olivia's breasts; with her forefinger and thumb, she tweaked the large, stiff nipple, giggling as Olivia's gasp of delight.

Olivia pushed Alex harder against the wall, and pulled back marginally so that she could drink her full length in with her eyes. "Alex," Olivia panted. She took her face in both hands and kissed her passionately, thrusting her tongue into her lover's mouth, moaning as she felt Alex respond with equal ardor. Hands and tongues were everywhere as they pressed against each other, both too far gone in passion to be able to consider any self-control. Alex dragged Olivia's head back to her breast, crying out with lust as Olivia toyed with the exquisite globe, alternately nipping gently at the nub and then suckling as much as she could into her mouth. She moved to the other breast and repeated her actions, grinning with delight as she felt Alex twisting helplessly in her grasp, rocking unwittingly against her thigh.

Olivia finally released the tormented flesh, and started to move south, kissing her way down Alex's perfect, ripe body. She could see Alex's arousal as she neared her target and could barely contain her own lust.

"Together," Alex panted roughly.

"Nunh uh," Olivia said. "Not this time. This is just for you."

Alex cried out as she felt soft fingers part her folds. Olivia loved the sounds that Alex made during their lovemaking and she moaned in response to Alex.

"Oh Liv," Alex was almost incoherent. "Oh God. You can't... oh my sweet Lord," she felt Olivia's talented tongue lapping and probing. "Olivia, I can't... can't wait. Inside," she begged, her hand cupping the back of Olivia's head, trying to pull her impossibly closer to her. "Please," she pleaded as Olivia inserted first one and then two fingers and started to pump. Alex was rocking uncontrollably now. As Olivia's tongue flicked over the tight bundle of nerves at her center, she felt herself lose control. "Now!" she screamed as Olivia suckled it into her mouth, dragging her teeth across, at the same time sliding a third finger into her lover and thrusting vigorously.

Alex screamed her climax as she bucked wildly against Olivia, her every nerve ending singing with lust and release. Olivia caught her as her legs buckled and pulled the still thrusting woman to her, her own lust building further as she skin-to-skin contact increased.

Alex finally regained some control. "Your turn," she panted, addressing her attentions to the breast she realized she was clutching.

"I'm so close," Olivia panted, gulping loudly as she felt Alex's tongue on her tortured nipple. "Oh Alexandra," she grabbed Alex's hand and shoved it roughly between her thighs, inhaling sharply as she felt the elegant fingers reach their target. "I'm going to...," she shuddered, crying out as she crested. Slowly the two women slid to the floor, the water still pounding over them as they collapsed, still intertwined, kissing urgently and tenderly. They lay together for long minutes as they regained some control over their bodies.

"Wow," Alex said eventually.

Olivia nodded, still breathless.

"I've never... not like that," Alex's body was still trembling.

Olivia grinned. "Me neither," she said.

"That was...," Alex said.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed happily. "It was, wasn't it?"

Alex kissed her tenderly, running her hands through her wet hair.

"We're not going to have time for breakfast," Olivia sounded apologetic.

Alex grinned. "I'll buy you a coffee and donut at the drive-thru," she promised.

"It's a deal," Olivia smiled.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Four days," Munch said. "It's always four days. Four days after ordering the book, he breaks into their car at work and takes them God knows where. Then he dumps them, randomly as far as I can tell. Warner is sure they are all killed in the same place?"

Olivia nodded. "All the residues match exactly."

"How does he get their details?" Elliot wanted to know.

Fin waved a sheaf of papers. "Just heard back," he said. "It looks like the website's been hacked. And all of our vics had the book delivered to them at work."

"That's not unusual," Olivia said. "A lot of people get online shopping delivered to the workplace."

"Something else our vics have in common," Munch flicked through the pages in his hand. "They're all public servants. Two were teachers, one a library assistant, and the other worked for the mayor's office."

"He feels he has rights over those women," Huang chimed in. "His taxes make him their paymaster. Or that's how he views it."

"So what?" Elliot said. "We contact every public servant in the city who may be considering turning to Judaism? That's going to be in the thousands."

"We need to narrow the odds," Olivia said. "Draw him in."

"How?" Elliot asked.

"We set a trap. Bait the hook. See if he bites. I should order the book," Olivia swallowed.

"Oh no," Elliot said. "There's got to be a better way. A safer way."

"There isn't," Olivia replied. "Can you think of anything? It's nearly a week since he last killed. He must be on the prowl for a new victim. We have to do it before another innocent woman dies."

Munch nodded, accepting the truth of her statement. "We should set you up with a new identity."

"Why?" Olivia asked. "Think about it. It's perfect. I'm a public servant. He's getting more daring. He imagines we have no idea at all how he finds his victims."

Huang nodded. "The challenge of getting into the police parking lot, that would just excite him further."

"A false address, at least," Elliot insisted.

"Home address," Huang said. "He just needs to Google Olivia to check how long she's been at this precinct."

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Are you sure you want to do this Liv?" Elliot asked Olivia when they were alone.

She fixed him with a look. "No," she admitted. "But I have to."

"We'll make it as safe as possible," Elliot said. "I'll tail you every time you leave the precinct, if I'm not already with you."

"Cragen's authorized a GPS tracker on my car too," Olivia sounded relieved. "So if you lose sight of me, you'll still know where I am."

"You'll have to live at the apartment too," Elliot referenced the false address Olivia was being given.

Olivia nodded, unable to hide her disappointment. She knew Elliot was right.

"What is it Liv?" Elliot had noticed the change in her expression.

Olivia shook herself. "It's nothing," she said. She smiled. "It's just... I've started seeing someone," she admitted. "It was nice coming home to someone in the evenings."

Elliot grinned. "About time!" he said. "Who's the lucky guy?"

Olivia shook her head. "I'd rather not say, not just yet," she hedged. "Once this is all over, okay?"

Elliot nodded. "Don't think I'm going to forget," he grinned.

Olivia tried to smile. She had been dreading this moment. She was happier than she had ever been, but a small part of her was terrified of Elliot's disapproval. He was a staunch Catholic and she hated that his religious convictions could turn him against her. But there was no way she was going to give Alex up, and she was determined that Elliot would learn to accept her. But if he didn't, that was his problem, not hers. She just couldn't face it yet.

a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$

"No," Alex's voice was tiny and scared. "Please God, no."

Olivia approached her in their kitchen, and took both of Alex's hands. "I _have_ to do this, Alex," she said quietly. "The guys will be watching me the whole time. Quite honestly, the hardest part is going to be being apart from you while it's all going on."

"When?" Alex whispered.

"From tomorrow," Olivia told her. "The online order will be placed tomorrow morning."

"And it'll be four days after that?" Alex asked.

"That seems to be his MO so far," Olivia kept her tone calm and quiet. "But we're not relying on that. The guys are covering me from the moment the order goes in. My car already has a GPS tracker attached, and they'll keep a constant check on that. I'll be fine, Alexandra," she reassured her girlfriend. "I won't take any risks, I swear to you." She kissed her softly. "God I'm going to miss you."

"At least we can still see each other at work," Alex pulled herself together. She was petrified of the risk that Olivia was taking, but she knew she couldn't stop her doing her job, and she wanted to be as supportive as possible.

Olivia smiled. "I'll even take you to lunch tomorrow," she promised.

"No touching though?" Alex said sadly.

"Not until all this is over, and I've told the guys," Olivia said.

"Are you ashamed of me Liv?" the words were out of Alex's mouth before she could stop them.

"No!" Olivia almost shouted. "Never! I'll never be ashamed of you, of us. I _love_ being gay, Alex. Really. But we have to keep it quiet for this case; all the vics so far have been straight, so it's important it looks like I am too. But as soon as it's over, I swear I'm going to tell everyone about us. I can't wait to tell the world."

"And Elliot?" Alex was astute. She saw doubt clouding Olivia's face.

"Him too," Olivia said firmly. "I don't care if he can't handle it. Sure, it would make me sad if he hates me for what I am. But I don't care, being with you is far more important than that."

"You never told him you were gay before?" Alex pressed.

"It never came up," Olivia said. "I never lied about it, though," she was firm. "If he'd asked, I'd have told him. It's just, some parts of Catholicism, they seem so …. harsh. But he's going to have to accept me for who I am, and if he feels he wants a different partner, then that's what going to have to happen."

Alex nodded. "Hold me," she asked.


	19. Chapter 19

"It's done?" Alex asked Olivia as they met for lunch the next day.

Olivia nodded. "This morning," she agreed. She reached under the table where nobody could see her and took Alex's hand. "It'll be okay."

"Nobody would tell me," Alex said tremulously.

Olivia looked at her. "What do you mean, honey?" she asked.

"If something happened to you. Nobody would think to let me know." Alex realized how selfish she sounded.

Olivia nodded slowly. "You're right," she said. "I didn't think of that. I'll tell them this afternoon, at the precinct I mean. We've still got to be careful until this op is over, but there's no reason to hold back with the guys."

Alex shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I'm being selfish. You have enough to worry about. We can do it at another time."

"I'm doing it today," Olivia was firm. "I want them to know. I want them to know how lucky I am."

a$a$a$a$a$a$

"I need my file," Olivia spoke to Elliot.

"Huh?"

"My file. I need to update my details. My emergency contact," she smiled.

Elliot grinned. "Ah, so at last we're gonna learn who's keeping Detective Benson's bed warm! The mystery guy."

Olivia swallowed. "Mystery girl, actually," she looked him straight in the eye. "And she's no mystery. You know her quite well. It's Alex." She took the proffered file from him and turned to put it on her desk and make the necessary amendments.

"Cabot?" Elliot asked, shocked. "ADA Cabot?"

Olivia nodded. "We're together."

"You gotta be kidding me," Elliot replied. "You and the ADA? What is this Liv," his voice turned a little nasty. "Some sort of experimentation? A walk on the wild side?"

Olivia turned to face him. "Don't you dare," her voice was icy. "Don't you dare demean this. Alex is the most important person in my life. Nothing you say will change that."

"Are you telling me you're... a _lesbian_?" Elliot was incredulous. "C'mon, Liv, that's something I would have known."

"And why would you have known that?" Olivia demanded. "You know nothing about my personal life; nothing at all. I'm just going to say this once. Yes, I am gay. I always have been. I didn't tell you before, not because I am ashamed, but because I like to keep my private life private. I'm only telling you now because Alex is concerned that something could happen to me, and she wouldn't even be informed. It makes me sad if you can't support me. I'll start the paperwork to change partners as soon as this op is over. You won't need to face me, or my _perversions_, over coffee every morning. And I won't have to face your outdated prejudices." Olivia stalked off, her face grey and her fists clenched.

Fin approached Elliot. "You are one prize prick, Stabler," he said menacingly. "You don't deserve her."

a$a$a$a$a$a$

Olivia emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later. Despite her efforts to hide it, it was clear she had been crying. She didn't expect to see Fin standing by the door as she exited. She nodded, and walked off quickly.

"Liv?" Fin trotted after her.

Olivia looked at him. "Got something to say, _Detective_?" she asked, her words laden with sarcasm.

"Don't tar us all with the same brush, Olivia," Fin said in a kindly voice. "Elliot is a neanderthal prick. If he doesn't want to work with you, then it's his loss. Everyone knows you are the best in the department."

Tears sprang to Olivia's eyes. "Fin, I'm so sorry," she said. "I was angry. I guess I'd hoped that he'd react differently."

"He'll come around," Fin said.

"I don't care if he doesn't," Olivia was defiant. "I have nothing to be ashamed of."

Fin pulled her into a tight hug. "I know, Olivia," he said, "I know."

a$a$a$a$a$a$

"He did _what_?" Alex was livid when Olivia called her on the phone that evening.

"It doesn't matter any more, Alex," Olivia said tiredly. "I'm sick of thinking about it. The important thing is you're now my emergency contact, and everyone else has been really supportive. Though Munch said he was disappointed that you were now officially off the market," she smiled. "He even asked if he has to stop fantasizing about you now!"

"And what did you tell him?" Alex laughed.

"I told him he can look but not touch!" Olivia was relieved to be able to slough off the worst parts of the day with humor.

"Alexandra?" Olivia's voice was serious.

"Yes Liv?" Alex sounded concerned.

"I miss you. It's only been just over six hours since I saw you, and I miss you so much."

"It'll be over soon," Alex soothed. "In less than a week, you'll be back here with me. I have it all planned. We'll have a romantic meal, candles, soft music, the works."

"I just want to hold you," Olivia said.

"Me too, honey. I love you," Alex told her.

a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Coffee?" Elliot gestured as Olivia arrived at the precinct.

"No thanks," Olivia remained civil.

"Liv, we need to talk," Elliot said.

"I don't have anything to say," Olivia was firm. "Unless it's about work."

He shook his head.

"Well, then, unless you can tell me you don't have a problem with what I told you, I don't need to hear what you have to say. Can you say that?"

"No," Elliot said quietly.

"In that case, subject closed," Olivia said coolly.

"But Liv..." Elliot wheedled, but she turned on her heel and left the room.

a$a$a$a$a$a$

"It's been two days since the order," Munch said. "If the perp sticks to his usual routine, we can expect him to act on Friday evening."

"I want complete vigilance at all times," Cragen warned. "This man is unpredictable."

Elliot nodded agreement. "We're tailing Olivia's car the whole time," he said. "And there are two plain clothes in the apartment building."

"The hardest part is going to be when you're in the car with him Olivia," Cragen said. "You have to keep up the pretence until he gets to... wherever he takes you," he avoided using the expression 'murder scene', but it was in all their minds. "Without evidence from the scene, we have nothing on him, apart from hacking and possibly kidnap."

"I understand that Captain," Olivia said. "And I'm ready for it."

a$a$a$a$a$a$

"Somebody'll be following me at all times, Alex," Olivia told her lover on the phone that evening. "And we've got the tracker, too. If that were to stop working, they'd intervene immediately. Nobody's taking any risks on this one."

"I know that," Alex tried to sound strong.

a$a$a$a$a$a$

"I'm going to the market on the way home," Olivia told Elliot. "We need this to look as realistic as possible."

"I'll be right behind you," Elliot said. "Then Fin will take over from the market, so he doesn't spot the car. I don't think we need to worry anyway, we're not expecting him until tomorrow."

a$a$a$a$a$a$

Olivia noticed that the blanket on the back seat of the car had moved from this morning; her mouth went dry. There was somebody hiding in the footwell, draped in the blanket. This was it.

Without betraying herself, she took out her cellphone, and called Elliot's number. "Hey Susie," she called brightly when the phone was answered, sticking to their pre-arranged code. "I'm gonna stop at the market on my way over, pick up some wine and some chocolate cake. You need anything else? No? I'll see you in a half hour." She looked and saw that the tracking device was still in place, just below the driver's seat.

She tried to keep her features relaxed as she opened the car door and slid into the driver's seat. She adjusted her mirror, and started the engine. Pain exploded in her head; her last thought as she lost consciousness was that her attacker was escalating. There had been no evidence of head injuries with the previous victims. She slumped to one side, and was unaware of being roughly shoved into the passenger seat as the perp took her place in the driver's seat.

"We're live," Elliot hissed into his radio; Fin and Munch started the engine of their car. They would hang further back than Elliot's car, and follow the information from the tracking device. If Elliot lost the tail, they at least would know where Olivia was.

Olivia's car edged out into the traffic; for ten minutes, Elliot kept a close watch, trying not to get too close so that he didn't arouse suspicion. So he didn't see Olivia's attacker draw up at a stop light and casually open the driver's door, reaching below him to remove the tracking device from beneath the car. He flung it into the back of an open truck next to the car. He gave an evil grin as the truck turned one way and he turned the other. That would teach them, he thought. Damned cops thought they knew everything. They were about to be outwitted by Derek Abrahams. He smiled to himself. This one was a real beauty too; all in all, this was shaping up to be a good day.

Elliot managed to keep the car mostly in view for the next few miles, but then a huge mail truck pulled out in front of him, blocking the entire road. He cursed and pressed the horn, but by the time he got past, there was no sign of Olivia's car. "Fin!" he bellowed into the radio. "Which way did he go?"

"He's travelling north along Lexington," Fin told him calmly, watching the tracker move across the screen.

"What do you mean, Lexington? That's miles from here," Elliot's blood ran cold. He had tricked them. Somehow he had gotten rid of the tracker. "I'm near the Meatpacking District, lost him at the last intersection. He's either gone north on 9th, or he's headed for the port. Shit!" Elliot's mind was in overdrive. "Red diesel. It's got to be the port, most of the equipment there is powered by diesel. There's miles of land there," his tires screeched as he headed towards the port, his heart in his mouth.

a$a$a$a$a$a$

Olivia's head pounded and her stomach roiled as she struggled back to consciousness. She was freezing, and she could feel blood trickling down her face. She blinked and looked around. She seemed to be in a sort of metal box. Oh God, she realized. She was in a shipping container. Her shirt had been torn off; she could see it on the ground. She was sitting on a wooden box, her right hand above her head. She pulled at it, realizing too late that it was handcuffed to a metal hook.

In the corner of the shipping container, a small man was hunched over. At the sound of the rattling metal, he turned around and looked at Olivia, a twisted smile on his face. To her horror, Olivia realized that he had been leaning over a small portable gas stove, which was heating something on the end of a steel pole. So this was it.

Derek Abrahams approached Olivia. "Jewish bitch," he spat. "Or are you? Is this all part of a sting? They won't find you now anyway," he laughed evilly. "They're tracking an old truck."

He came right up to her, taking a knife out of his back pocket. He placed this against her head and, as she turned her head, she could see, just out of reach, her badge, the keys to the handcuffs and her gun. He grinned. "What's wrong, baby?" he wheedled. "Can't you reach your gun?" He placed his knife at Olivia's throat, very slowly bringing it down between her breasts, breaking the skin and causing a thin beading of blood to appear in the gulf. He slipped the knife under the front of her bra and flicked it, snapping it apart and releasing her breasts. Olivia tried not to react to the horror of what was happening.

Abrahams put his knife down out of reach. He let out a low whistle. "These are really something," Olivia tried to jerk away as he grasped both breasts in his sweaty hands, kneading them roughly. "See what you're doing to me," his breathing quickened as he became aroused. He pressed himself against her; Olivia could feel his stiff penis through both sets of pants. He squeezed her nipples painfully. "I just need to make these perfect," Olivia saw that the steel pole heating over the gas stove was tipped with a swastika. She knew she had one chance, and one chance only, or she would die horribly.

Abrahams stepped away from her, and as soon as he turned his back to pick up the heated pole, she reached down, relieved that he hadn't found the small handgun she had strapped to her ankle. In one swift moment she seized the gun and fired.

Olivia had never fired a gun with her left hand, so she had no idea what her aim would be like, so she was almost surprised when Abrahams pitched forward. She was almost in a trance as she emptied all six chambered bullets into him. He was dead before he hit the ground, his face landing on the red-hot metal swastika, the acrid smell of burning flesh filling the shipping container.

a$a$a$a$a$a$

Elliot drove like a lunatic, trusting his gut that the assailant would head for the yard that held disused shipping containers. He was filled with horror at the danger Olivia was facing. He had just screeched to a halt when he heard gunshots. "Nooo!" he screamed as he leapt out of the car and ran to where the sound came from.

He flung the door of the shipping container open and saw Olivia, naked from the waist up but still alive and, as far as he could see, relatively unharmed apart from the blood on her face. She was still holding the gun, her face twisted with horror, her eyes unfocused. He realized that her right hand was shackled to the wall. "Liv?" he called, but there was no response. "Liv?" he tried again, louder. "Are you okay?"

"Get this off me," she whispered, barely audibly. "Get it off," she became louder. "I have to get out of here. Now," she was yelling now and pulling desperately at the shackles, hysteria threatening. "Get it off!"

Elliot noticed the key and grabbed it. He put his hand on Olivia's cuffed arm. "It's okay, Liv, just hold still for me." The smell of burning flesh was all-encompassing.

The lock came undone and Elliot put out his hand to steady Olivia. She pushed past him roughly, and bolted outside. She had barely made it three paces when she fell to her knees, retching horribly, the horror overwhelming her as her body convulsed.

Elliot was at her side in seconds. He quashed his natural instinct to scoop her up in his arms. Instead, he knelt by her as she vomited, speaking in a low, gentle voice. "It's okay, Liv," he told her. "It's over. You're safe now." He took off his jacket, and draped it over her shoulders, placing his hand softly on her back, grateful that she didn't shrug him off. Encouraged, he rubbed gently, trying to impart some of his own strength. She slumped to the side and tried to drag the jacket over her bare breasts. Elliot was grateful as she allowed him to pull her into his arms, where he held her as she tried to catch her breath.

Elliot thumbed his radio. "We're in the container yard. She's gonna be okay. We need Cabot here, _now_," he held his partner tight.

"She's on her way with Cragen," Munch's response crackled over the radio. "We're nearly there."

In a few moments, Fin and Munch came running over to Elliot and Olivia. Elliot threw his car keys at Fin. "My gym bag is in the trunk," he said. "There's a sweatshirt in there, get it would you?"

Fin returned with the sweatshirt, and he and Munch tactfully turned away as Elliot helped Olivia into it. Once she was dressed, he picked her up and carried her over to a small wooden bench. He laid her down on the bench, sitting down next to her and pulling her head into his lap. "Are you hurt?" he asked her eventually.

"M'okay," Olivia whispered. She tried to sit up.

Elliot put a gentle restraining arm round her. "Not yet, Liv," he said. "Just give it a few minutes. A bus is on its way."

"No!" Olivia became agitated.

"Alex is coming too," Elliot soothed. "She'll go with you when you get checked out. You don't have to go anywhere without her."

Olivia nodded.

a$a$a$a$a$a$

Alex felt sick as she sat ramrod straight in Cragen's car. Then she heard Elliot's words, "We're in the container yard. She's gonna be okay. We need Cabot here, now," and she cried out with relief.

Cragen drew up as close as he could to Olivia and Elliot; Alex was out of the car almost before it stopped moving. Elliot ceded his place to Alex, and watched in wonder as the prim ADA took her girlfriend in her arms, not even noticing the blood that spilled on her white jacket. She rocked Olivia gently, whispering lovingly to her. "It's over Liv," she said. "You did it. You're safe now. Nobody can hurt you. It's over, he's dead. He won't touch you again. It's over, my darling, it's over."


	20. Chapter 20

"Oh come on," Olivia protested at the hospital. "I'm fine, truly. I don't need to stay overnight."

"You were unconscious for the best part of an hour," the doctor told her. "We need to monitor you for 24 hours."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. She knew it wasn't the doctor's fault, but after her experiences that day, she just wanted to get home and shut out the world. Shut out everyone except Alex. She wanted to feel Alex's arms round her. That, and only that, would make everything right.

"We need to suture this wound," the doctor said, carefully probing the gash on Olivia's cheek. "I'll be right back," she set off to locate the suture kit.

"You'll be in a private room," Alex told her gently. "I'll be with you the whole time."

Olivia shook her head. "No, Alex," she tried to be brave. "You go home. You need your sleep."

"That's why I'm staying," Alex said. "I won't get any sleep at home without you there beside me."

"You won't get much sleep here," Olivia tried to smile.

"At least I'll be with you," Alex failed to hide the emotion from her voice. "I'm so happy you're safe, Liv," she whispered. "Does your face hurt?"

Olivia shook her head. "It's nothing," she said.

The doctor returned. She smiled kindly at Olivia. "Four stitches should do it. You're in luck," she grinned. "I have a great reputation for my embroidery. You'll look good as new."

Olivia smiled back. "Thank you," she said with sincerity. "For all you're doing. I'm sorry I was snarky."

"Oh I've seen much worse than that," the doctor said. "You should see my kids' reactions when I tell them it's time to leave the park." She laid a reassuring hand on Olivia's arm. "You've had a rough day," her tone was kind. "I think we can allow a little leeway."

Olivia nodded, not trusting herself to respond.

"Once this is done," the doctor was already cleaning the wound, "we'll get you settled in your room. Are you feeling up to some dinner?"

Olivia shook her head. "No," she said quietly. "I'm not sure I could keep it down."

The doctor looked at her. "Nauseous?"

"No," Olivia said. "I just... the thought of food, it's just..."

"That's okay," the doctor replied. "You'll let us know if you start to feel bad, though? It's important, with a head injury."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you, Doctor...?"

"Evans," the doctor replied. "Rebecca Evans. Seamstress extraordinaire," she smiled, trying to keep the mood as light as possible, as she injected the local anesthetic.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

"I'd like to give you a mild sedative, can I do that?" Dr Evans asked, as Olivia settled into her bed.

Olivia opened her mouth to protest, when Alex spoke. "I think that sounds a great idea," she said firmly, "don't you agree Liv?"

Olivia gave a half smile, and nodded. "Thank you," she said, as she rolled up her sleeve.

Once they were alone together, Alex approached the bed. She ran her hand through Olivia's thick hair, and kissed her very softly. "Hey," she said.

"Hey," Olivia replied.

"You need anything?" Alex asked, as she pulled up a chair and settled herself by Olivia's head.

"No," Olivia said. "You," she amended. "I need you. I'll always need you."

"I'm right here," Alex said, caressing her uninjured cheek. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You should go, get some dinner at least," Olivia yawned.

"I will," Alex replied. "Just as soon as you fall to sleep. I'll grab a sandwich. But I'll only be gone five minutes, so if you wake up and you're alone, I'll be right back, I swear."

Olivia was already asleep.

Alex sat with her for a further half hour, relieved to see that Olivia's sleep seemed deep and untroubled. She then eased out of her seat, intent on tracking down some food. It was now 10pm, and she hadn't eaten since breakfast.

She stepped out into the corridor, and was startled to see Elliot on a chair just by Olivia's room.

"Elliot!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"They told me she's okay," Elliot replied. "I just wanted to hear that from you."

"She's going to be just fine," Alex replied. "Why didn't you come in?"

"I didn't want to intrude," Elliot told her, looking a little uncomfortable.

Alex stiffened, assuming that it was Elliot's prejudices that had kept him away from them.

"Alex?" Elliot's voice was uncharacteristically unsure. "Will you do something for me?"

Alex nodded, slowly.

"Will you tell her I'm sorry?" Elliot said. "I was a bigoted pig. I don't care what the church says, you two are real good together. I don't believe a loving God could possibly have a problem with you being together. Tell her I'd understand if she still wants a new partner. Tell her I'm glad she's okay."

"Thank you," Alex said quietly. "I know that'll make her very happy. I'm taking her home tomorrow, you should drop in some time, I know she'd be happy to see you."

Elliot nodded. "Thank you," he said. He shrugged his coat on, and left.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

Alex returned to Olivia's room, clutching a less-than-fresh chicken sandwich and a bottle of water. Olivia was still sleeping peacefully. She sat back down in her chair and pulled a blanket round her shoulders. She looked at her sleeping lover, and was filled with emotion. Even with the stitches and growing bruise on her face, Olivia was still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. "Thank God," Alex whispered. "Thank God you're okay, Olivia. I love you so much."

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

"I can go?" Olivia looked relieved.

"Time off for good behavior," Dr Evans smiled. "Everything's looking good, you've been here nearly 22 hours, I think we can bend the rules. You won't be alone for the next 24 hours, will you?"

"She certainly won't," Alex said.

"Miss Benson," Dr Evans' voice was serious.

"Olivia, please," Olivia said.

"Olivia," Dr Evans placed her hand lightly on Olivia's. "I know you know more about this sort of situation than anyone should ever have to know," she pulled a card out of her pocket. "But it really _does_ make a difference if you can talk to someone. It's hard, I know. Believe me, I _know_," her voice hitched slightly. "If you can bring yourself to talk to Corinna," the name on the card was 'Corinna Dixon, PhD, Trauma Counseling', "it really will help."

Olivia nodded, and pocketed the card. "I see so much in my job," she said. "Somehow I thought I'd be immune. And I always thought if...," she paled, "that I'd cope okay."

"Nobody's immune," Dr Evans said.

"You said you _know_?" Olivia was almost afraid to ask.

"It was years ago," the doctor said.

"How did you cope?" Alex asked.

"Badly, to start with. But I got better, with help. And now," she smiled. "Now I'm happily married, two kids so far. Life is good."

"Thank you," impulsively Olivia pulled her into a hug.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

"Home sweet home," Olivia visibly relaxed as they entered the apartment. "I'll make some tea."

"I'll do it," Alex said, moving toward the kitchen.

Olivia put a hand on her arm. "I'm not an invalid," she said gently. "I want to do it."

Alex looked at her for a long moment, then nodded. "Okay," she said. "I'm sorry. It's just such a relief to have you back safe."

Olivia pulled her into a soft hug, and kissed her tenderly. "Don't ever be sorry for caring," she said.

$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a

Alex felt unexpectedly nervous as they made their way to bed. Until that point, they had taken every opportunity to touch each other, to look, kiss and make love. She tried to imagine how Olivia was feeling after the violation she had suffered. So, casually, she spent a little more time in the bathroom than usual, and was unsurprised to see Olivia changed into her night clothes when she emerged. It was Olivia's turn to look nervous. Olivia approached her, and cupped her cheek. "I don't want to make love tonight," Olivia's voice cracked.

"Would you be more comfortable if I took the couch?" Alex's tone was understanding and kind.

"No," Olivia answered quickly. "I want you here. I need you here. I just feel a little... I don't know... I don't..."

"Liv," Alex cut in. "It's okay." She took her hand. "This is uncharted territory. For both of us. We just need to keep talking. I need you to tell me if anything I do makes you uncomfortable. We _will_ fix this, Olivia," she looked deep into her brown eyes.

"It's dumb," Olivia tried not to cry. "It's not like anything actually happened."

"Stop that," Alex said. "This is huge. A lot happened. I hate that it happened. But you were assaulted Liv. He ripped your shirt and your bra off. He touched you."

"He grabbed my breasts," Olivia whispered; nausea rose in her throat as she remembered. "I had to shoot him. I _had_ to," her anxiety increased. Olivia had only killed once before, and she still found that memory agonizing.

"I know you did, Olivia," Alex said softly. "He was going to kill you. He was going to torture you, then rape you, and then kill you. He was a psychopath Liv. He would never have stopped."

"Will you hold me?" Olivia pleaded.

Alex wrapped her shaking lover in her arms and held her lovingly. "Bed?" she suggested after a few minutes.

Olivia nodded, and allowed Alex to lead her to the bed and tuck her in. Alex slid in next to her, and her heart filled with joy as Olivia snuggled up to her. "You okay?" Alex asked.

"I am now," Olivia replied. She reached out, taking Alex's hand, and pulled it nervously to her own breast. Alex held her breath, allowing Olivia to guide her every movement, feeling Olivia's fingers mold her own round the full, warm flesh. Olivia breathed in sharply.

"Is this okay?" Alex asked.

"It's wonderful," Olivia was weeping softly. "I thought... maybe... I'd think of him. But I can only feel you. Your touch. Soft, gentle, kind."

"We'll be okay, Liv," Alex said quietly. "Though I'm going to do my best to persuade you to see that counselor. I'll go with you if you'd like."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you," she said. She snuggled into Alex's arms, feeling momentarily safe. She wondered how long it would be until she once more felt safe all the time.


	21. Chapter 21

**[sorry for the delay with this chapter, and thank you so much for the reviews, all of which I treasure.]**

"Liv, it's okay," Alex's voice was gentle, unthreatening. She looked at the clock; 2.23am. At least Olivia had had a few hours undisturbed sleep. "You're okay," Alex put a warm hand out to still her restless lover. This was the sixth night that Olivia had been plagued by terrifying nightmares.

Olivia jerked away instinctively from the touch, her breathing quickening as panic rose. "No," she whimpered, still trapped in her nightmare. "No. Not her. Don't touch her."

"Olivia," Alex spoke a little louder. "It's me, baby. Only me. We're both safe. Everyone's safe from him. He's dead, my darling. It's alright."

Olivia backed away and curled into a fetal ball. "Not Alex," her muttering was indistinct. "Not her."

Alex reached out and switched on the night light. She saw Olivia, shaking, sweat soaked, her eyes still closed, the vivid nightmare still playing out on the back of her eyelids. She was pale, and her breathing came in ragged gasps. Alex knew she had to do something, before Olivia went into a full-blown panic attack. "Livvie," she tried to keep her voice calm, and she reached out and very gently stroked the back of one of Olivia's hands. "Livvie, it's me." She increased the pressure on Olivia's hand, and was grateful as she finally succeeded in prying the fingers away from their death grip on the sheet. She held Olivia's hand between her own, chafing it reassuringly. Olivia stopped trying to pull away from her.

"You had a bad dream," Alex kept talking. "It's over now, Liv," she whispered, as she saw Olivia open her eyes. She wanted to weep when she saw the raw terror in those beautiful chocolate orbs. "You're here, with me. In the apartment. In our bed," she thought she could see the fear start to dissipate marginally from Olivia.

"Real?" Olivia asked, her voice hoarse and weak.

"It's real," Alex reassured her. "I'm real. It's over Liv," she saw disbelief in Olivia's eyes, and did the one thing she had learned would help to calm her lover. She unbuttoned her own silk nightshirt and, very slowly, pulled Olivia's hand to her breast. She covered her hand with her own, holding it against herself, praying that some small part in Olivia's brain would make the connection, and bring her fully back.

Olivia started, but allowed the contact. Slowly, she started to come to, the nightmare finally receding and consciousness returning. Her eyes filled with tears, as memories of the nightmare caused her to shiver uncontrollably, her nerves at breaking point. "Lex?" she asked shakily.

"It's me, honey," Alex moved over to her, sliding an arm under her and pulling her tenderly into her arms. "It's over," she whispered into her hair. "Shhh baby."

"I thought... I dreamt... it was you. He was... oh God," Olivia's breathing quickened as the terror returned.

Alex rocked her lovingly. "We're both safe," she said, over and over. "Try and relax, Olivia. Concentrate on my voice. I know it's hard, baby, but try and slow your breathing a little. See if you can take deeper breaths. That's it, that's good," she whispered, as Olivia tried to control herself. "You're doing real good. That's it, Liv, that's it sweetie."

Alex could feel Olivia's damp tee under her fingers as she rubbed her back lovingly. She wanted to get her into dry clothes, but as soon as she tried to pull the tee up, Olivia's panic worsened. "Okay, honey, you stay as you are, it'll dry. Just try and stay with me if you can. Remember, the worst is over."

Eventually Olivia calmed, and it was only when she finally fell asleep in Alex's tender embrace that Alex realized her own front was soaked with Olivia's tears. Very carefully, she shed her own nightshirt without releasing Olivia and, naked, settled down to sleep.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"I'm sorry," Olivia's first words in the morning almost broke Alex's heart. "I'm so sorry."

Alex sat up and turned to her lover. "You have nothing to apologize for, Liv. _Nothing_."

Olivia nodded. "I'll call her," she said, in a very small voice.

"Who?" Alex asked.

"The counselor," Olivia replied.

"Are you sure?" Alex wanted to know. "You need to do this because you want to Liv, not for me."

"I want to do it for both of us," Olivia sounded choked. "I love you so much Alex. More than I could ever have imagined. I want to get back to normal, as soon as possible."

"I'll come with you," Alex promised. "Whatever you need."

Olivia nodded. "I do need you," she whispered.

"You have me," Alex said quietly. "Wherever and whenever you want."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"I'm going to call Rosie," Alex said later that day. "She said we should only come if you were feeling good. You've hardly slept in a week."

Olivia shook her head. "No," she said. "I'd like to go." Before all the trauma, she and Alex had agreed to sit for baby Katie while Melinda and Rosie took Gracie to the movies.

Alex looked doubtful.

"I think it might help," Olivia told her. "I want to see Katie. She's so tiny, and innocent. I think I'd like to be reminded of that innocence. Is that crazy?"

Alex smiled. "No, honey, that's not crazy. It makes perfect sense."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Go through," Melinda waved Olivia through to the living room, where Rosie was giving baby Katie a last feed before they went to collect Gracie from school to take her to the movies. "Alex, let me show you how the coffee machine works." She pushed Alex into the kitchen so that she could surreptitiously quiz her about Olivia's state of mind.

"Olivia!" Rosie said, with real pleasure as her favorite detective entered the room. "Forgive me for not getting up," she smiled, indicating the infant clamped to her breast.

Olivia smiled, and leant down to buss Rosie's cheek. "Dinner time, huh?"

"It's always dinner time with this one," Rosie grinned in return. "She sure does love to eat."

"How is she doing?" Olivia was relieved to be able to focus on something other than her assault.

Rosie failed to keep a soppy smile off her face. "She's amazing," she said, softly, her hand unconsciously stroking her daughter's chubby cheek. "She's such a joyful child. She's always smiling. Just like Gracie in that way," she said. "And she's so good. She hardly ever cries. You're just a little angel, aren't you, Katie Olivia?" Rosie addressed the child tenderly.

"Can I ask you a question?" Olivia asked, as she sank gratefully onto the couch. She hadn't realized how exhausted she was.

"Ask me anything you want," Rosie smiled. "I can't guarantee I'll answer!"

"What's it like, breastfeeding?" Olivia wondered if she was being too personal.

"It's incredible," Rosie told her, sincerely. "I know I've been real lucky. Some mothers have problems; even Melinda had trouble getting Gracie to latch on to start with. But this hungry monster," she looked down, "took to it like a duck to water!"

"And what's it like for you?" Olivia asked.

"It's just the most satisfying thing I've ever done," Rosie said. "Being able to feed your child, it's a beautiful thing. It was wonderful with Gracie too, being able to give her bottles of expressed milk. It gave Melinda a break too! And she feeds Katie. So does Gracie sometimes. But there's just something about having your child at your breast... it's almost spiritual. Does that sound dumb?"

Inexplicably, Olivia's eyes had filled with tears. "Not dumb," her voice cracked. "Not dumb at all."

"Well I think this one has finally had her fill," Rosie lifted the child with practised ease to her shoulder, patting her back to expel the excess air. A rumbling sound filled the room. Rosie grinned. "And now her diaper's had it's fill too! I'll be right back. Stretch out on the couch, Katie can lie on you when we get back, she loves her Auntie Livvie."

"Is she okay?" Olivia asked, as the six-week-old baby snuggled into her front, sighing contentedly.

"She's great," Rosie told her. "You know where her crib is if you want to put her down."

Olivia shook her head. "She can stay for a while," she tried to sound diffident, but Alex could tell how much she was enjoying holding the enchanting child. "Why don't you go out for pizza after the movie?" Olivia suggested. "We'll be fine here, won't we Alex?"

Alex nodded. "We can always call you if there's a problem."

"We'll call _you_ after the movie," Melinda said. "Then we'll think about it."

"Give Gracie a big kiss from me," Olivia said, her sentiments echoed by Alex.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Within five minutes, Olivia had fallen to sleep, her grip on the sleeping child secure.

Alex sat and watched her lover, thrilled and grateful that her slumbers were undisturbed. She watched carefully, but Olivia's face remained peaceful. Every now and then, Olivia's hand rubbed small circles on Katie's back, and a smile played across her mouth.

Three hours later, Alex's cellphone began to ring. She went out to the kitchen to take the call, unwilling to disturb Olivia's much-needed sleep.

"Hello?" she whispered.

"Is everything okay?" Rosie sounded concerned.

"Everything's great," Alex told her.

"Katie still asleep?" Rosie asked.

"They both are," Alex said affectionately. "I know Olivia's supposed to be taking care of Katie," she tried to rein in her emotions, "but I think today Katie's taking care of Olivia. She hasn't slept like that since... for a long time," she said.

"That's great," Rosie said. "Would you be okay for us to go for a pizza then?"

"Oh yes," Alex said. "Take as long as you want. I've got your number if we need you."

"I'm so glad Olivia's okay," Rosie said.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"She's a beautiful girl," Alex slipped her hand through Olivia's as they walked home.

Olivia nodded deep in thought.

"So's Gracie, of course," Alex added. Gracie had become a strong favorite with the blonde attorney.

"It's always a risk, isn't it?" Olivia said suddenly.

"What is, Liv?" Alex asked.

"Having a child. Even more so for gay couples, you can't know the sperm or the egg donor, not like you know your own partner."

Alex nodded, wondering where this was going.

"But it's worked out for Melinda and Rosie, hasn't it?" Olivia pursued.

Alex nodded again.

"I was looking at Katie this evening," Olivia went on. "It doesn't matter who her biological father is." She took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter who _my_ biological father is either. That beautiful girl, she's so small, so innocent. Her moms are going to teach her how to be. _Who_ to be. That's what matters, isn't it?" By this point, they had reached the apartment building, and were getting into the small elevator.

"I totally agree," Alex said. "I don't understand how your mother didn't take one look at you and realize none of it was your fault."

"I don't care about that any more," Olivia said, not entirely truthfully. "But I've been thinking, Lex. About having babies. You and me. I'm six years older than you are. Maybe _**I**_ should have our first child? I mean, not now. But in the next couple of years. I won't let history affect the baby. We won't let that happen. It would be our baby. What do you think?"

Alex could barely speak. "I think that would be just wonderful," she cupped Olivia's cheek tenderly, and kissed her very softly.


	22. Chapter 22

"So did you like her?" Alex asked Olivia on the way home after Olivia's first appointment with the counselor.

Olivia nodded, her features tense.

"Do you think she's gonna help?" Alex's tone was gentle.

Olivia nodded again. "She breeds orchids," she said, irrelevantly.

Alex smiled. She took one hand off the steering wheel and placed it over one of Olivia's. "It's okay, sweetie," she said. "We don't have to talk about it. Whatever you need."

"I'm tired," Olivia yawned.

"I know, baby," Alex said. "You're barely sleeping. We're nearly home, do you think you could sleep for a couple of hours now?"

Olivia shook her head. "I don't want to," she said.

"I know you're scared you'll have nightmares," Alex replied. "But you're going to make yourself sick. Did you tell the counselor about the nightmares?"

Olivia nodded. "I told her everything," she whispered, paling at the memory of the painful conversation she had had.

"Did she suggest anything?" Alex pursued.

"She thinks I should take these," Olivia reluctantly pulled a sheet of paper from her pocket.

"Okay," Alex exhaled gratefully. She had prayed that Olivia would be prescribed something to break the cycle of insomnia and fear. "We'll get you settled on the couch, and then I'll shoot over to the drugstore, get this filled."

"No!" Olivia's voice rose in panic and her breathing quickened.

"Or you can come with me?" Alex realized that Olivia didn't want to be on her own.

Olivia nodded, her breathing relaxing. "I think I may be losing my mind," she said, in a voice so small it was almost inaudible.

Alex pulled over, just outside a small market with a drugstore next to it, as well as a cafe. She turned to Olivia, reaching out and taking her hand, chafing it between her own. "No you're not," she said quietly. "You're trying to recover from a trauma. But you need to sleep to help you to recover. We'll get these," she waved the prescription, "then you and I are going to spend the afternoon together on the couch. You will get through this. _We'll_ get through it. And then we've got our whole lives ahead of us. We have so many exciting things in our future."

"A family?" Olivia whispered, a small kernel of hope blooming in her chest.

"A _big_ family," Alex grinned.

"I've never really had a family," Olivia said. "It was just me and my mom," her face clouded again.

"Don't think about her," Alex was brisk. "She's not good enough for you. That's one thing she has in common with my mother."

"What about your brother?" Olivia asked.

"Graham?" Alex smiled. "You'll love him. He's living in Florida right now. Come on Liv, I'll take this into the drugstore and we'll get a coffee while they fill it. I'll tell you all about Graham. You've got to meet him soon. Not _everyone_ in my family is awful."

Olivia reached over, and kissed Alex very softly. "Thank you," she whispered.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Four kids?" Olivia laughed.

"Graham's eight years older than me," Alex told her. "And he's always loved children. His wife, Carla, loves them too."

"You miss him?" Olivia asked, astutely.

Alex nodded. "We try and see each other as often as possible," she said, "but we've both been so busy recently. He's started a new business, making his own furniture. Mother was appalled, initially. She wanted him to become the next attorney general. But her friends have convinced her that 'bespoke' furniture is classy, and they all want to buy from him, so now she approves."

"Your mother is a gorgon," Olivia smiled.

"Not kidding," Alex was relieved to see Olivia start to relax. She reached out and touched her briefly. "Was it okay, really?" she asked.

Olivia nodded. "It was good," she said. "She knows what she's doing. And I do know how much counseling can help. I just never thought it would be me that needed it."

Alex nodded. "I know," she whispered.

"So how old are Graham's kids?" Olivia changed the subject.

Alex grinned. "Eight, six, four and two," she said. "Every two years, like clockwork. And all boys," she rolled her eyes.

"A noisy household, then," Olivia smiled. "How wonderful," she said, wisftully. "One day, huh?" she looked at Alex.

"Definitely," Alex replied firmly. "As many as you want."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Are you sure you're ready?" Alex was concerned.

"Totally," Olivia reassured her. "It's been two and a half weeks, Alex. I have to get back to work. That's the best thing for me."

"What does Corinna think?" Alex asked, for the fourth time. She had hoped that Olivia's counselor would advise her to take more time off.

"She agrees with me," Olivia said. "I have to get back to real life. And I'm still seeing her twice a week for the next two weeks, and once a week after that."

"If you're sure," Alex sounded doubtful.

"I'm sure," Olivia was firm. "Though my day would go more smoothly if my favorite ADA were to meet me for lunch...," she batted her eyelashes flirtatiously.

"I think she'll probably find time in her busy day," Alex was delighted to see Olivia in such a light-hearted mood.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Hey, Liv," Elliot gave Olivia a warm hug as she walked in. "It hasn't been the same without you."

Olivia smiled. "Thanks, El. What have I missed?"

Seeing that his partner was keen to get on with the job, Elliot took the hint and started going through all the recent cases with her.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"You doin' okay?" Elliot asked casually, as they drove away from an interview.

Olivia looked at him, and realized that he really did care. "I'm good," she said. "I've still got some … stuff … to work through, but I'm getting there."

"Alex helping?" he asked.

"More than you can ever imagine," Olivia replied.

He nodded. "I'm glad," he said, after a few seconds. "Liv, about that, I'm..."

Olivia put a hand out to him. "It's okay, El. I know. And it was a shock. You just need to know that she's the most important thing in my life. By far. And I need you to respect that. And her."

He nodded again. "I know. I do. And I'm happy for you. For both of you."

"Thank you," Olivia spoke quietly.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

**Three weeks later**

"So how has your week been?" Corinna Dixon asked Olivia at their session.

"It's been good, mostly," Olivia told her.

"Any difficult cases?" Corinna asked.

"One was particularly bad," Olivia admitted. "But I'm okay. I've talked to Alex about it."

"You've made your peace with it?" Corinna wanted to know.

"Yeah," Olivia exhaled and sat back in the soft chair.

"So there's one thing we've avoided talking about," Corinna leant forward, her voice soft and unthreatening.

Olivia knew what was coming, and found her throat tightening in anticipation of Corinna's next words.

"How about your love life? Have you and Alex been able to relax?"

Olivia blinked and looked down in her lap, startled to see her hands trembling.

"Olivia?" Corinna pushed, when Olivia didn't reply.

Olivia reluctantly looked up to meet her gaze. "It's... difficult," she admitted at last. "I haven't... I mean, it's not that I don't want to. And every day, at work, I think about it. I think about Alex," she blushed. "Her beautiful body. I don't deserve... what must she think of me now? But every day, I tell myself I'll find the courage. She's exquisite, you know?"

Corinna smiled kindly. "I can tell," she said softly. "She's a very beautiful woman."

"Sometimes I remember how it was... before," Olivia gulped. "And I go home, planning to... but I can't. I just can't," tears escaped unbidden and rolled down her cheeks.

"What do you think is stopping you?" Corinna asked gently.

"I look at her. Sometimes I see hope in her eyes, but then... when I don't... I can almost see her deciding. She doesn't want to either. She probably can't see me without seeing him. I feel... sullied, in some ways. She's too pure for me now. I don't want to make her dirty too," Olivia was starting to hyperventilate.

Corinna got up from her chair, and knelt by Olivia. "Just breathe, Olivia," she said, quietly. "Slow and even. That's it."

"I just wish I..." Olivia gasped out.

"No talking, not for a few moments," Corinna said. "That's it, you're doing well. I need you to try and relax. Panic will only make this worse."

Within a few minutes, Olivia had collected herself. Corinna returned to her own chair.

"How do you feel now?" Corinna asked.

"Foolish," Olivia said. "Those things I said, I mean, intellectually I know they are wrong. But I'm scared, if I'm honest. We used to be … spontaneous. Both of us. But Alex isn't initiating anything. I know … or at least, I hope … that it's just because she's nervous too. That it's not that she doesn't want me."

"She still touches you, right? Holds you?" Corinna asked.

"All the time," Olivia said. "And I _do_ want to. More than anything. Just looking at her sometimes, I just want to rip her clothes off. But something stops me."

"Have you talked to her?"

"Not about this," Olivia admitted. "Everything else, we've talked about. We talk all the time."

"I think maybe it's time," Corinna said. "She's in the waiting room, right?"

Olivia nodded. Alex always came with her to her appointments, however busy she was. Olivia knew what a sacrifice that was for her.

Corinna got to her feet and crossed to the door. She opened it, "Alex?" she called. "Can you just step in here for a few moments?"

Alex sprang to her feet, worried that something had happened. "Is she okay?" she asked as she strode toward the door.

"She's fine," Corinna said, as she ushered her in, "aren't you, Olivia?"

Olivia nodded, and gave Alex a weak smile.

Alex went straight to her and took her hand.

Corinna pushed her chair to where Alex was standing. "Sit," she said. "I'm just going into the inner office for a few minutes, give you some privacy. Alex, Olivia wants to talk to you. She _needs_ to talk to you." Quietly, she let herself out of the other door and shut it.

"Liv?" Alex was beginning to panic. "Are you alright, sweetie?"

"Yeah," Olivia sounded a little vague. She looked up into Alex's eyes, and saw only love, compassion and tenderness. "Corinna thinks we need to talk. About our sex life."

"Okay," Alex was unfazed. "Let's talk. But before we do, Liv, I need you to know one thing. You are so much more to me than sex. I'm not in any hurry. I need you to be ready, and I can wait as long as it takes."

"I think I am ready," Olivia said in a small voice. "Every day, I think I am. And then... I come home, and I wonder how you could ever want me again. After... he was the last person to … touch me. He wanted me. Something about me made him want me. I couldn't bear it if... I mean, did I make him do it? And if I did, you could never want me again. I'm not making sense."

Alex's eyes filled with tears. She cupped Olivia's cheek tenderly. "No," she whispered. "You're not. I love you, Livvie. So much. More than I've ever loved anyone. But I have to tell you, what you're saying is crazy. Utterly crazy. And you know that, don't you Liv? That's why you're here, so Corinna can help you with all these dark thoughts. You're beautiful, and pure, and just about the most delicious thing I have ever seen. I want you, all the time. I want you every minute of the day. I'll never _not_ want you. And whenever you're ready, my darling, I'm with you. Every step of the way. But not before. This has got to be on your terms."

"I don't disgust you?" Olivia asked tremulously.

"You never could," Alex said, simply. She kissed Olivia softly, deepening the kiss as Olivia responded. Olivia moved over in her large armchair, and pulled Alex to her, so that she joined her in the seat. Both women giggled.

"Kiss me again," Olivia demanded, smiling.

Alex moved one hand to the back of Olivia's head, drawing her in close, as she kissed her again, feeling her ardor growing. She whimpered with pleasure as she felt Olivia's tongue tangle with her own, and almost cried out with pleasure as Olivia's hand slipped inside her jacket and squeezed her breast. "Oh Liv," she whispered, her nipple hardening instantly when Olivia thumbed it through her shirt.

"Let's go home," Olivia pulled back before she was overcome with lust.

"'kay," Alex agreed breathlessly.

Olivia stood up and pulled herself together. She knocked on the door to the inner office. "We're going," she called.

Corinna emerged, smiling widely when she saw the flush in both women's cheeks. "You worked it out?" she enquired.

"Oh yeah," Alex took Olivia's hand.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Oh my God," Alex came for the third time. "Oh Liv. Olivia. Oh dear Lord," she panted, her strong arms supporting Olivia as she followed seconds later, her eyes half-lidded as she bucked helplessly.

Olivia cried out, and collapsed bonelessly into Alex's firm grasp. "Alexandra," she whispered.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked.

"Better than I've been for weeks," Olivia was breathless. "How did we go so long?"

"Some things are worth waiting for," Alex grinned.

"Thank you," Olivia snuggled into Alex.

"For what?"

"Your patience. Your love," Olivia was earnest. "For making me feel loveable again. For staying with me."

"Always," Alex whispered, running a hand through Olivia's soft hair. "Always and forever."

For the first time in over six weeks, Olivia slept soundly all night, safe in her lover's embrace.


	23. Chapter 23

"Next week?" Alex shrieked with delight. "Of course we'll meet up. Whenever you want. Wherever. I can't wait for you to meet Olivia," she listened for a few minutes, her smile widening. "She's wonderful," she turned her back to Olivia. "She's beautiful," she said in a quieter voice, but Olivia could still hear it. "She wants to meet you too, Graham, don't you Liv?" Alex called out.

Olivia nodded enthusiastically.

"At Trattoria Verde? 7pm Wednesday? We'll be there, can't wait. We'll see you then. Bye Graham," Alex was still smiling as she hung up the phone.

"Your brother's coming to New York?" Olivia guessed.

"Isn't it great? He and Carla are coming for a week. They want to catch a few shows, see old friends."

"How often do you see him?" Olivia asked.

"Not often enough," Alex replied. "About once a year the past few years. And the boys change so quick at this age."

"Are they bringing the children?" Olivia was keen to meet her 'nephews'.

Alex shook her head. "Not this time. They're going to Carla's mom for the week."

Olivia looked disappointed.

"Next time," Alex said. "Graham can't wait to meet you. And he said he's got some news for us."

"I can't wait to meet him either," Olivia smiled. "If he's anything like you."

Alex laughed. "He's nothing like me, but I love him so much. He and Dad were the only ones who told me it was okay to be gay. He used to make a joke of it, said we'd both be chasing the same women, but I've always known he was on my side. And I just love Carla. The boys are a handful, but they're really sweet. Though I've only met Nicky, the youngest, twice so far. They change so quickly at that age."

"We can maybe take a vacation in Florida?" Olivia suggested. "Then I can meet the rest of the family."

"Great idea," Alex kissed her girlfriend enthusiastically.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"So this is the famous Olivia?" a tall, handsome blonde man turned to Olivia, and kissed her affectionately on the cheek. "I can see you weren't exaggerating, Ali-Baba, she's beautiful."

Olivia smiled and blushed. "I'm so pleased to meet you," she said with real warmth. "I've heard a lot about you."

"All bad, I'm sure," he grinned.

"Oh totally," Olivia teased. "Where's Carla? I was hoping to meet her too."

"In the bathroom," Graham replied. "She'll be back any moment. She's been talking about meeting Al's new squeeze for days, she wouldn't miss this for the world."

"Al? And Ali-Baba?" Olivia laughed.

"Childhood nicknames," Alex explained. "Try as I might, I can't get him to call me Alex. _Nor_," she tried to look disapproving, "can I get him to treat my girlfriend with any respect. _Squeeze_, Graham?" she complained. "Is that the best you can do?"

Graham grinned. He turned to Olivia. "You'll have to forgive me Olivia. I can never resist the temptation to have a dig at my little sister. Seriously, though," he said, "where did Al find you? You really are stunning."

"Flirting while your wife's away from the table?" a throaty amused voice spoke from behind her husband.

"Any chance I can get, C, you know that," Graham stood to welcome his wife as she returned to the table. Olivia was charmed to see him drop a quick kiss on her cheek, and take her hand. The man was clearly besotted.

"_This_," Graham announced, the pride in his voice unmistakeable, "is Carla. My better half."

Carla turned to greet Olivia with a warm hug, and it was at this moment that Olivia and Alex noticed her protruding belly.

"Not _again_, Carla?" Alex laughed, as she hugged her sister-in-law.

Carla smiled. "We'll stop after this one, I swear," she ran her hand over her belly. "I just couldn't bear the idea of not squeezing one more little Cabot into the world."

"So this is your news?" Alex asked.

"Indeed it is," Graham looked so proud that Olivia's heart went out to him. Somehow Graham had managed to sidestep his maternal genes and, like Alex, was a warm and genuine person.

"Does mother know?" Alex couldn't stop herself asking.

"We saw her today," Graham's face clouded over. "I didn't know, Alexandra," he took her hand, serious for once. "I had no idea she'd cut off all contact. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not," Alex was defiant, lifting her chin and trying to look strong. "I have all I need right here at this table."

Carla reached out for Alex's other hand, squeezing her fingers affectionately. "Your mother doesn't deserve you," she said frankly, in her soft voice. "Either of you."

"She thinks Olivia's a freak, and she's turned me into one," Alex said. "I have no interest in having a relationship with anyone that twisted."

"She thinks I'm a freak too, Sis," Graham said. "Told me it was indecorous of me to have so many children. Told me to send C to have her tubes tied. _Indecorous_, would you believe? Also she clearly doesn't know Carla if she thinks I could _send_ her anywhere. Anyway, if anyone's having any sort of operation, it's going to be me. It's a much smaller procedure for the man. Not," he winced, "that I'm looking forward to it!" he let out a bark of laughter, "I'm sorry, Olivia," he said, "I'm sure you don't want to hear about all our family planning issues! Where's that waiter? We need wine, _now_!" he grinned.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"They're delightful," Olivia smiled as Alex snuggled into her that night. "How did you and Graham get to be so different from your sister?"

"Luck, is my guess," Alex said.

"It's _my_ good luck," Olivia said. "They made me feel so welcome."

"They loved you," Alex enthused. "Both of them."

"It's very exciting, the new baby, isn't it?" Olivia commented.

Alex smiled. "Yeah. And it's so nice that they still get excited, with so many kids already."

"Do you think they meant it, us visiting when it's born?" Olivia asked. "Or were they just being polite?"

"Oh they meant it," Alex said. "Four months from now, we're going to be there. We can take the boys out from time to time, give them some time to themselves. We're getting a hotel though, I don't care what they say. Apart from anything else," she kissed Olivia, "you never know what time of the day or night one of the boys will come bouncing into the bedroom. And we," she kissed her again, and started toying with the buttons on Olivia's nightshirt, "could be busy."

Olivia nodded, squeaking as she felt Alex's cold fingers on her skin. "Yeah," she breathed, "nobody likes to be interrupted."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"It's a girl!" Alex yelled down the phone.

"Alex, slow down, what's happening?" Olivia was in the middle of reading a case file.

"Carla!" Alex announced. "She's had a baby girl. Molly. Eight pounds five ounces. Everybody's doing well. Graham's crazy excited, says he's always wanted a girl. He says she looks just like Carla."

"That's wonderful," Olivia smiled. "I'll send flowers. Congratulations, Auntie!"

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"It's not your fault, Alex. You can win every case. And everyone knew it could go either way. Don't beat yourself, up, honey," Olivia tried to reassure her dejected girlfriend.

"I know," Alex was glum. "I just hate it. That man is an animal."

"I know, Alex," Olivia said. "That's the worst part of the job, knowing we've let a dangerous criminal back on the streets."

"He _is _guilty," Alex was close to tears.

"We'll get him next time, Alex. I swear. _Now_," she smiled lovingly at her. "Now we have to pack for our vacation. A week in Florida, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Alex shook herself, determined to slough off her despair. "You did get those onesies, right?"

"They're right here," Olivia pointed to the bag on the table. "They're so cute. And we'll pick up the boys' gifts from the toy store near the airport."

"You're excited, aren't you?" Alex asked.

"Yes, I am," Olivia admitted. "They are the closest thing I've got to a real family. I know they're not really _my_ family, but..."

"They _are_," Alex said firmly. "He's my brother, and you're my family. And Graham and Carla just love you, they keep calling and telling me how wonderful you are."

"They have great taste," Olivia teased.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Auntie Alex, can we go swimming again tomorrow?" four-year-old Matthew snuggled into his favorite aunt's lap.

"Sure we can, honey," Alex said. "Olivia wants to swim every day we're here, don't you Liv?"

Olivia nodded enthusiastically, as Graham entered the room.

"Are you sure we can't tempt you to stay here?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye. "We had a lie-in this morning, we didn't get out of bed until nearly 6am!"

"Thanks for the offer," Olivia laughed. "But we're good at the hotel," she winked at Alex.

"We certainly are," Alex replied, in her husky voice.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"I can't believe the week has gone so fast," Olivia said to Carla, as they collected plates and took them to the kitchen in Carla and Graham's house. "You've made me so welcome, thank you so much."

Carla smiled, "you're part of the family now," she said simply. "Gray's so happy that Alex found you. Look at him," she nodded toward her husband, who was seated at the table, his adored baby daughter in his arms, talking animatedly with his favorite sister. "You're the final piece of the puzzle, slotted into place. Alex has never been so happy."

"She's been so good to me," Olivia told her. "Right from the outset, she's taken care of me."

"And you've taken care of her, from what she tells me," Carla said. "She's never seemed... settled, like she is now. She was always restless before, always looking for something."

"We're going to be together for ever," Olivia's voice cracked with emotion. "And as soon as it's legal, I'm damned well going to ask her to marry me."

"Have you thought about having a family?" Carla asked. "Forgive me if that's an intrusive question."

Olivia smiled. "It's not intrusive. You're my sister-in-law!" she said. "We definitely want a family. I've always wanted kids, but...," she hesitated. "I don't know how much Alex has told you about me. About my history."

"About your father, you mean?" Carla said. "She told us about that. I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind."

Olivia shook her head.

"It makes no difference, I hope you know that?" Carla sounded worried.

"Thank you," Olivia's voice was thick. "After that... I was always worried. To start with, I asked Alex if she'd have our children. But I'm coming round to the idea that we should _both_ have our babies. And I'm six years older than she is. So... well, it seems logical for me to go first."

Carla nodded. "Any child you have will be lucky to have you as its mother," she said, sincerely. "And Alex, of course. Graham thinks so too. Though don't tell Alex he said that!"

"You mean Ali-Baba?" Olivia laughed.

"He does love to tease her," Carla said affectionately.

"He's a wonderful man," Olivia said.

"He really is," Carla said. "And an amazing Dad. The boys adore him. Molly too, already," she looked over at her slumbering daughter in her husband's arms.

"How do you cope with her? Graham and Alex's mother?" Olivia blurted out.

"I don't," Carla replied, acid in her tone. "I just tell her straight what I think. She tries to avoid me, only calls when she knows Gray's home. And she doesn't mention Alex to me at all, not since that time," she smiled ruefully.

"What time?" Olivia was intrigued.

"Early on; when I was first pregnant. We'd only been married six months and we had just found out Charlie was on his way. She thought I was young and meek. She told me she was so grateful that Gray and I were making a stand for the traditional family, and that if her deviant youngest daughter ever decided to have children outside a heterosexual relationship that she would disown her. I don't think she expected my response."

"What did you say?" a smile formed on Olivia's lips.

"What didn't I say?" Carla let out a hoot of laughter. "I told her she was a bigot, and that Alex is worth 100 of her awful sister. I said that Alex had the intelligence to wait to find the right person to be with, and that when she did, she would be a wonderful mother. I told her if she repeated any of what she had said to me to Alex, she would regret it."

"Does Alex know any of this?" Olivia asked.

"No," Carla said. "I didn't want her to be hurt by what her mother thought. I hoped she'd change her mind, start to treat Alex properly. I didn't think it would help in any way if Alex knew."

"I know now," Alex said quietly, from the door to the kitchen. Neither Carla or Olivia had seen her standing there.

"How long have you been standing there?" Carla asked.

"Long enough," Alex said, stepping forward to pull her into a warm hug. "Long enough to know how grateful I should be to you. I think you are the only person who has ever stood up to my mother!"

"Apart from you," Carla reminded her, returning the hug. "I meant every word, you know."

Alex nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.


	24. Chapter 24

"Back to work tomorrow," Alex sighed dramatically as they worked together to clear their kitchen after dinner.

Olivia nudged her in the ribs. "You know you love it," she smiled.

Alex smiled back. "I do," she admitted. "Even though it doesn't always go the way it should, it still feels like we're making a difference. And I love that my work fits alongside yours. It makes us seem even more... I don't know, compatible," she grinned, knowing she was sounding foolish.

"I love it when we work together," Olivia agreed. "And I love watching you in court. So strict in your business suits," she teased. "So proper. Sometimes I'm tempted to tell the judge that you're nowhere near as proper as you make out. In fact," she kissed Alex soundly, "on occasion, I'd have to describe you as downright _improper_," she darted out of the way as Alex tried to swat her with the dish towel.

"Is that right?" Alex caught her girlfriend as she dodged the wrong way round the table. She pulled her to her and kissed her passionately. The kiss lasted for an age, until they broke apart, both a little breathless. "Is that the sort of thing you mean, detective?"

Olivia nodded. "Something like that," she admitted.

"And how about this?" Alex started to unbutton Olivia's shirt, ignoring the moan that Olivia gave as she slid her hand inside her bra. "And this?" she tweaked a turgid nipple, smiling as it pebbled in her hand.

"I think you're on the right track," Olivia's voice was husky and breathless. "Let me help you, counselor," she grabbed Alex's waist and made short work of the button on her jeans, sliding the zipper down.

"I think, detective," Alex gasped, "that we should adjourn to the bedroom. Proceed with the case in there."

"I always take my lawyer's advice," Olivia told her, grinning widely.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"What time is it?" Alex turned to Olivia in bed a few hours later, her body slick with sweat, every nerve ending still zinging.

"Nearly midnight," Olivia told her. "We should sleep," she said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, we should," Alex replied. "Liv?" she asked, suddenly sounding tentative.

Olivia propped herself up on one elbow, and looked anxiously at her lover, the change in tone alerting her. "Yes, sweetheart?" she answered.

"You did have a good time, right? With Graham and Carla? And the boys?"

"And Molly," Olivia kissed Alex very softly. "Don't forget little Molly. I had a wonderful time, Alexandra. Did you think I wouldn't?"

"I was just... worried, I guess. I mean, I knew you'd like them. But... before... it didn't matter. I didn't expect you to like Mother, or Carolyn."

"Well you were right there," Olivia told her firmly.

"But I really wanted you to like Graham and his family. They're the only family I care about. And I do. Care. I really care."

"And I do too, now that I know them. Alex, they're wonderful. All of them. Charlie, Will, Matthew and Nicky. And Molly. And Graham is _so_ like you it's untrue. And Carla is a sweetheart. She's great. I love that she's so feisty too, she's no walkover."

"She's great for Graham," Alex mused. "I just wanted you to be happy to be part of my family. The only part of my family that matters. I want you to be comfortable with them."

"I am, Alex," Olivia reassured her. "I truly am. I've never felt so welcome. I've never been part of a family, not a real one. It's a strange feeling, but I really love it. I love them," she tried to stop her voice cracking.

"I'm so glad," Alex snuggled into her side. "I never told you," she smirked slightly as she spoke.

"Never told me what?" Olivia demanded.

"I had a crush on Carla when I first met her. I was a teenager, I was only 15 when Graham brought her home. I've always had a thing for older women with dark hair, you see..."

"Oh yeah?" Olivia smiled.

"Absolutely," Alex grinned as she pushed Olivia on to her back, and pinned her to the mattress. "Want me to show you?"

Olivia nodded.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"What time is it?" Alex asked.

"Just after 2am," Olivia replied.

"Ooops," Alex giggled.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**Three weeks later**_

"Graham!" Olivia was delighted to hear her 'brother-in-law's' voice as she answered the phone. "How are you all? It's so great to hear from you. We had a wonderful time in Florida. Tell me, is Matty still hiding worms in the coffee cups? I can't get out of the habit of checking, even here in the apartment! Sure, I'll pass her over. We'll speak soon, huh? Love to everyone," she passed the phone to Alex who was standing beside her.

"Hi big brother," Alex's voice was warm. "Okay, sure, we can do that. Alone? Graham, is everything okay? No, that's fine. I understand. I'll come alone, tomorrow, 6.30pm, I'll meet you there. You swear everything's okay? I'll see you then. Bye."

Olivia looked at Alex, quizzically. "Are you okay?" she asked Alex.

Alex nodded slowly. "Yeah," she said slowly. "He sounded okay to you, right?"

"He sounded just like his normal self," Olivia replied. "What's going on, Alex?"

"He's here, in New York," Alex said. "But he's only staying one night. He's meeting up with an old friend tonight. But he wants to see me tomorrow. On my own. He doesn't want you there. He says there's nothing wrong."

"Then you must see him," Olivia said. "You'll find out then. Are you going to dinner?"

Alex shook her head. "No, he said he wants to meet me at JFK. His plane leaves at 7.45pm, he wants to meet in the coffee shop in the terminal. He said he has something important to discuss."

"Are Carla and the kids okay?" Olivia asked.

"He says they're all fine. I guess we just have to wait?"

"It looks like it," Olivia replied. "Look, I have to spend the afternoon at Rikers tomorrow, so I'll be in the car. Why don't you take a cab to the airport, and I'll come pick you up afterwards, then we can go for a quiet dinner somewhere. We can talk, if you want to. Or not if you don't."

Alex nodded. "That'd be good," she replied.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked Alex as she slid into the car the next evening. Alex looked shaken, but not unhappy.

"I'm fine, Liv," Alex replied. She turned to her and put her hand on Olivia's. "Don't drive off yet," she asked. "Kiss me first."

Olivia leant over, and kissed her tenderly, cupping her cheek. "Alex?" she asked quietly.

"Let's go home," Alex said. "We can order take-out. We need to talk. And we need a bottle of wine, you can't drink if you're driving."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"This one?" Olivia pulled a bottle of Shiraz from the wine rack and waved it at Alex.

"Great," Alex said, taking the glasses out of the cupboard.

Olivia pulled the cork and, taking Alex by the hand, led her to the couch. They settled comfortably, and Olivia poured the wine. "Comfortable?" she asked, as Alex leant into her.

"Totally," Alex said. "Liv?" her voice was tentative.

"Yes?"

"I have something to tell you. You mustn't worry, it's not bad. It could be good. Really good. But I want to say it all first, and then you can ask questions."

"Don't interrupt, you mean," Olivia's voice was laced with humor.

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean," Alex smiled. "Is that okay?"

Olivia nodded, taking one of hands absent-mindedly, and threading her fingers through Alex's. She brought Alex's hand to her lips and kissed it.

"It's Graham," Alex started. "He had an idea. Actually, it was Carla's idea. And it's a bit... off the wall. And I don't want you to feel pressured. Not in any way. It's just a suggestion. A thought."

Alex looked at Olivia, as if she were unsure what to do.

"Just say it, honey," Olivia said softly.

Alex nodded. "Okay," she whispered. "You know Graham and Carla have five children?"

Olivia smiled.

"They've decided that's enough. I think Graham would go on having them for ever, but he knows it's not fair on Carla. And they need time as a family, to devote to each child. And time for each other. So Graham's going to have a vasectomy. _But_," Alex looked agitated. "Carla had an idea. She actually came up with it as soon as she met you. But she waited until we spent that week with them, so she could get to know you properly. And she did. And she loves you. She suggested to Graham that perhaps, if we ever decided to have a family, he could … freeze some sperm. And then if you had a baby, it could be a Cabot too. It might have part of me in it, if you follow. But I know it sounds really weird. And if it were anyone but Graham and Carla I'd think it was odd, and I'd worry that they'd want to have a part of the child's life. And of course if we did it, they would be involved. As uncle and aunt, that is. They're our family. But you might not want to, and …," Alex realized she was gabbling. She stopped suddenly. "I guess that's it. That's not quite how he put it. But he says he can go to a clinic for us if we want him to. That's why he didn't want you there. He didn't want to see the look of horror on your face, that's what he told me."

Olivia was stunned into silence. For a few long minutes, she processed what had been said.

"Liv," Alex looked deep into her beautiful brown eyes. "You don't have to make a decision now. I just wanted you to know what he'd offered. We both know that it doesn't matter who your father is, who anyone's father is. If and when you have a baby, it will be beautiful and perfect, because you're it's mother. And I'll be its mother too. Just as you'll be mother to any babies I have. Oh God," she started to panic. "I shouldn't have said anything. It was a dumb idea. I'm sorry, Olivia. This is too much. I know. I'm sorry," she was silenced as Olivia put a finger to her lips.

Olivia leant forward and kissed Alex softly on the lips. The kiss deepened, and she cupped the back of Alex's head. "If we did this, and we had a girl," she said quietly. "She could look like you. She could have your eyes."

"My defective eyes," Alex smiled, as she removed her glasses.

"Your beautiful eyes," Olivia said. "You have the kindest eyes I've ever seen. And the most honest. Let's do this, Alexandra. It's a wonderful offer. It's incredibly selfless of him. Of _them_," she said. "Carla has to be the most understanding woman in the world."

"They had a miscarriage, before Molly," Alex told her. "She said she was desperate for another child, and suddenly it looked like they might not be able to have one. She told Graham that she felt horribly selfish, wanting another baby when they had already been so blessed. So when Molly came along, she told him she wanted to help another couple."

"She's a very special woman," Olivia said.

Alex nodded.

"When does Graham's flight land?" Olivia asked.

Alex put on her glasses and peered at her watch. "In an hour and ten minutes," she said.

"Call him. Say yes," Olivia said.

"Are you sure you don't want to think about it?" Alex asked her.

"I've thought about it. Knowing that a child of ours could have anything of you in it, that's good enough for me," Olivia's voice cracked.

"Suppose it comes out as a clone of my mother? Or Carolyn?" Alex was only half-joking.

"Then we'll have to enrol it at all the best schools and learn needlepoint," Olivia giggled, "and we'll buy co-ordinated linens, and be seen at all the best restaurants."

"We'll have to drink more expensive wine," Alex joined in the joke, lifting her glass, "and stop buying beer."

"And move into a shiny apartment, with lots of glass and white furniture," Olivia stopped when she saw Alex's face cloud over. "Oh Alexandra, I was only kidding."

"I know," Alex said thickly. "I was just remembering. Remembering how unhappy I was in that apartment. And remembering how happy I've been since I moved in here. This couch," she gestured to the tatty item of furniture they were on, "makes me happier than a couch ever has." She smiled. "That sounds dumb. I know a couch doesn't make a person happy. But this one does. I've spent so many evenings on here, in your arms. Happy. Safe. Loved."

"_So_ loved," Olivia said, "I love you more than I ever knew I could." She reached over and tugged at Alex's shirt. "We've got just over an hour, right?"

Alex nodded.

"How about we make a new memory on this couch? Purely for nostalgic reasons, of course," Olivia suggested.

"It would give the couch a sense of... history," Alex smiled, her hands already unfastening Olivia's belt.

"And posterity," Olivia added, as ever quick to laugh.

"I would say we owe it to the couch, detective," Alex shed her own shirt, grinning at Olivia's eyes as they feasted on her taut nipples which she knew were clearly visible through the sheer bra she had selected that morning. "See something you like, Detective Benson?"

"I need to investigate more closely," Olivia's voice had fallen an octave, as she reached out behind Alex and released the flimsy clasp of her bra. She cupped both breasts tenderly, bringing her mouth to one pink nipple. She closed her lips round the bud, her breathing quickening as she heard Alex's gasp of pleasure. She flicked her tongue out. "Oh yes," she whispered, "this all seems to be in order, counselor."


	25. Chapter 25

**[Thank you so much for all your reviews! Gets a bit graphic towards the end of this chapter, so don't read it it's not your thing.]**

"Alex, what _is_ it?" Olivia was becoming impatient. "I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," Alex sounded tense. "I guess I'm a little tired."

Olivia shook her head. "It's more than that," she spoke kindly. "I can tell something's bugging you. And I want to help."

"I'm being dumb," Alex said, eventually. "It really doesn't matter Liv."

"It matters to _me_," Olivia was tender. "I want to fix it if I can."

"You can't," Alex said sadly, but without recrimination. "And it really is just silly. I mean, we have to do it."

"Have to do what, honey?" Olivia asked.

"We have to move. We're gonna need a bigger apartment. If we have kids."

"_When_ we have kids," Olivia smiled. "I know," she put her hands up in mock-surrender. "Nothing in life is guaranteed. But if the worst came to the worst and neither of us could have them, we can adopt. Is that what's bugging you honey? You don't want to move? You don't have to worry, I'll do all the work, I know you're really busy."

"You're busy too," Alex smiled. "And it's not the work. It's this place," she gestured all around her.

"What about it?" Olivia asked. "It's just an average apartment, it's kinda shabby now."

"It's perfect," Alex almost snapped at Olivia. "Oh God, I'm sorry," she instantly regretted her sharp tone. "I didn't mean to get bitchy. I've lived in a lot of places, Liv. Most of them big, and soulless. We had a huge house when I was growing up, four cars in the garage, for only two drivers. Crazy. And my last apartment had everything you could want, except that it never felt like a home. This place is a home. _Our_ home. Everything here has been just what a home should be. And yes, it's only one bedroom, and we only have one car between us. But we only need one car."

"We're not getting another car," Olivia remarked mildly, "unless you want to?"

Alex shook her head, and smiled a little bashfully. "I know I'm not making sense. I've been happier in this apartment than I've been my whole life. _But_," she grinned, "I guess it's not the apartment that's made me happy."

Olivia smiled. "It's the couch, isn't it?" she teased.

Alex nodded. "It sort of is. It's us. Together. On the couch."

"We'll take the couch. God knows we've made out on it often enough. Though if that's the criterion, we're going to have to take just about every stick of furniture in the place. _And_ the bath mat."

Alex grinned back at Olivia. "The bath mat was only that one time," she protested. "And it was only to stop you getting splinters in your butt."

"I appreciated your concern," Olivia laughed. "Believe me." She looked directly at Alex. "I'm not even pregnant yet," she said, more seriously. "We don't have to go and look at the apartment, not if you're not ready. Even if things go as well as they possibly could, we've still got almost a year before we need more space."

Alex shook herself. "No," she said. "We should go. It sounds perfect."

Olivia smiled. "Melinda thinks it is. Three bedrooms, a study for you, small yard out the back. And," she grinned, "it's only two buildings away from their apartment."

"I don't want a study," Alex said quietly. "I don't want to lock myself away from you. I like it how we have it here, a table by the couch, so I can work while you're reading."

"Then we'll use it for something else," Olivia said immediately. "We'll make it into a fourth bedroom. That does mean," she sighed dramatically, her eyes glinting with humor, "that we'll just have to keep on having babies. But that's a sacrifice we'll just have to make!"

Alex took Olivia in her arms. "Thank you," she said quietly. She reached out and stroked Olivia's cheek tenderly, and kissed her softly, nibbling at her lower lip. The kiss grew in intensity, and Olivia gasped as she felt Alex's tongue against her own. After a few minutes, Alex reluctantly pulled back.

"Hey," Olivia sounded disappointed. "I was enjoying that."

"So was I," Alex agreed, "but," she looked at her watch, "Melinda's due here any minute." At that very moment, they heard a tap on the door, causing Olivia to bark with laughter.

She opened the door, laughing as Gracie cannoned into her, demanding a hug, which she gave freely. After a moment, Gracie freed herself and charged toward Alex.

"She's hyper today," Melinda laughed, kissing Olivia on the cheek.

Olivia grinned at her and Rosie, who undid her winter coat to reveal a snuggling four-month-old baby Katie. Very carefully she pulled her out of her sling and passed her over to Olivia. "Hey, Liv," Rosie said cheerfully, "someone's been missing you," she said, and they all laughed as Katie's face split into a gummy grin at the sight of her favorite detective.

"Well I've missed her too," Olivia cradled the smiling child expertly. "We've got time for tea before we go, haven't we? Alex has been baking," she said proudly, "she's made your special cookies, Gracie."

Gracie's eyes lit up.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"It's perfect!" Alex swung Olivia round in her arms once they got back to their apartment. "It's just... it's perfect," she laughed at her suddenly small vocabulary. "I mean, there's nothing about it we need to change. It's..."

"Perfect?" Olivia laughed, her eyebrow cocked.

"Perfect!" Alex grinned. "We are going to buy it, right?"

"We'll make an offer tomorrow," Olivia promised.

"I feel really silly now, for making such a fuss," Alex admitted. "I'll still miss this place, but that one has the same atmosphere as here. It feels... I don't know... It just feels..."

"Like home?" Olivia supplied.

Alex nodded. "Just like home," she agreed. "We're going to have to pack everything up here."

"It'll be good for us," Olivia answered. "It's a good opportunity for us to throw out things that we don't need, or that are worn out. Some of my old clothes need to go straight in the trash!" she laughed.

Alex looked at her. "You won't throw out your Academy sweatshirt?" she sounded almost panicked.

"Well it is kinda old," Olivia said. "And it's very tatty. And it's got a hole in the cuff..."

"Please?" Alex pleaded.

Olivia smiled. For some reason she couldn't fathom, Alex had taken to wearing the old sweatshirt around the apartment, and seemed to view it almost as a comfort blanket. Olivia had noticed that at times of particular stress, or when she was very tired, Alex would change out of her work clothes and wear the sweatshirt with her old jogging pants. "Okay," she kissed Alex softly. "Whatever you want," she promised. "And you do look kinda sexy in it," she grinned. "Come to think of it, you look kinda sex _out_ of it too."

"How about I wear it tonight?" Alex replied, in a sultry tone.

Olivia gulped and nodded. "Just so long as you promise _not_ to wear it tonight, too," she said.

"I might need some help with that."

"I think I could probably help you out," Olivia's voice was husky.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"So tomorrow, huh?" Olivia sounded a little scared.

"That's what the ovulation kit says," Alex replied. "But we don't have to do this, Liv. And if we do it, it doesn't have to be this month. This has to be your choice."

"_Our_ choice," Olivia corrected her. "I still want to go ahead. How do you feel about it?"

"I feel the same way," Alex said.

"So we go to the clinic then?" Olivia said.

"Yeah," Alex replied. "I've been reading all about it," she said. She reddened slightly. "And I called the clinic. To ask."

"What, Alex?" Olivia asked.

"The literature... It says your chances of conceiving are higher if you... if you..."

"If I _come_ after the insemination?" Olivia helped her out.

Alex looked slightly shocked. "Yes, exactly that," she said.

"What?" Olivia laughed at her startled face. "You didn't think I'd read it all too?"

Alex laughed. "Of course you did," she realized. "The clinic were very helpful when I spoke to them," she went on. "They said they'd leave us afterwards, for as long as we want. You have to stay still for about 40 minutes anyway."

"Well maybe we should get some practise in now," Olivia suggested, a glint in her eye. "Just so's we don't waste their time tomorrow."

"I think that's a very good idea," Alex replied, taking her glasses off as they headed for the bedroom.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"I'm not going to be able to wait two weeks," Alex said the next evening. "Aren't there tests that work earlier?"

Olivia put her arms round her. "Two weeks will be up in no time," she said. "Some tests can tell earlier. You know that, you've read every leaflet on pregnancy that's ever been written! But after two weeks we can at least be sure. That'll save us building up false hopes."

"He's very fertile, you know," Alex said of her brother.

"With five kids? You're not kidding!" Olivia laughed.

"This could be it," Alex was suddenly awe-struck with what they had just done. "We could be on our way to being parents."

"Don't build your hopes up, honey," Olivia warned. "You know as well as I do that this could take many attempts. We can't even guarantee it'll happen."

"It'll happen," Alex said, mulishly. "And soon. I just know it."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Just try and relax, honey," Alex said gently.

"I'm trying," Olivia was tense.

"I know," Alex said. "I know you are."

"Do you think it's ever going to happen?" Olivia's voice had a quiet desperation.

"I do," Alex said. "This is only our fourth try, honey. And if it doesn't, well we'll try not to worry about it. One of us will surely manage it."

Olivia nodded, as she lay down again. "I hate this," she whispered. "It's so... _clinical_."

"Well it _is_ a clinic, baby," Alex tried to lighten the mood.

"I just don't know how we're supposed to relax in a place like this," Olivia's voice took on a stubborn tone. "With all these sample trays, and test tubes and things around."

Alex looked round; the room was softly furnished, and there was only one tray in it that betrayed its real purpose. She raised one eyebrow comically.

Olivia smiled, a little abashed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm overreacting, I know. It's just so much more fun at home."

"We'll have fun at home too," Alex smiled. "At least now they leave us to it, we can do it all ourselves," she gestured to the tray by the bed. "And maybe this will help you get in the mood," she hung her jacket up and unbuttoned her shirt, tantalisingly slowly.

Olivia's eyes widened as she realized that Alex was bra-less. "You are not going in to work after this, not without a bra!" she declared, shattering the mood.

Alex sniggered, and lifted her purse. "It's in here, Liv," she told her. "I thought it would be more fun here without it," she leant down and kissed her lover passionately. "Now stop thinking about work, and just think about me. Ignore all that," she gestured to the tray, "and just look at me."

"That's hardly a hardship," Olivia was slightly breathless as she recovered from the passion of the kiss. She pulled Alex to her and kissed her softly, her hand reaching out to cup a soft breast. She felt Alex respond, and watched eagerly as Alex slowly undid the ties on her scrubs gown, pulling the sides apart at the top to reveal Olivia's breasts.

"Well hi there," Alex smirked as she slid one hand over a full breast, gently taking the nipple between her thumb and forefinger. "It looks like somebody's happy to see me," she grinned at the feeling of the rock-hard nub.

"Always," Olivia replied huskily. "Even in here," she kissed her again, sighing with pleasure as they made out together for several minutes.

Eventually Alex pulled back. "You ready for me, honey?" she asked softly.

Olivia nodded, so Alex pulled her gown up and, very gently and tenderly, parted her legs, sliding her hand to her heated center. Alex smiled as she caressed the ripe folds. "Good girl," she whispered, and slid the syringe in, depressing the plunger carefully. "Here," she passed Olivia the cervical cap, "you're better at getting this in than I am," she said, watching as Olivia sited the rubber cap in place. She helped her to lie down again, and slid the pillow under her butt.

They both knew Olivia had to remain in position for at least 40 minutes, to maximize the chances of conception.

Alex shucked off her shirt, skirt and pantyhose, so that she stood there in just her panties. She helped Olivia move over slightly and climbed on to the bed next to her. "Now," she smiled, "what _will_ we find to do to pass the time?"

Olivia reached out and clasped a firm breast. "I'm sure we'll think of something," she said in a sultry tone.

Alex kissed her again, and allowed her hand to trail down her lean body, stopping at her hips to push gently, "try not to move too much, baby," she reminded her.

Olivia nodded, and tried to force herself to remain still. Her resolve was sorely tested when Alex's fingers reached her center, and her thumb flicked playfully over the swollen nub she found there. "Oh God, Alexandra," she breathed, screwing her hands into fists as she strove not to press herself hard against Alex's hand. "You don't know what you're doing to me."

Alex grinned. She knew exactly what she was doing to her. This was one of the many things she loved about Olivia; she was instantly responsive to her touch, and it filled Alex's heart with joy to bring Olivia to the brink of ecstasy, and to watch her as she tipped over the edge. She pressed her own center against Olivia's muscled thigh, and started to rock gently. As she rocked, she pressed her hand harder against Olivia's core, and matched the rhythm of her hand with the rhythm of her hips.

"Oh God," Olivia was incredibly frustrated, she just wanted to throw Alex on her back and thrust against her wildly until they both came together, but she knew she had to stay in position. "Oh Alex... more. Oh baby, I'm going to... harder. Lex, I'm...," she panted desperately.

"Just let yourself go," Alex gasped, "it's you that matters this time. I can come later. You need to just let it happen, Liv, come on baby, you're nearly there," with her spare hand she grasped a full breast, and closed her lips around the large, dark nipple, tonguing it at the same rhythm she had already set up.

"Alex," Olivia choked out, "you're so... oh my God...," unwittingly she lifted her hips, pressing urgently against Alex's hand, "oh baby, I'm... oh God," she felt her climax building.

Alex grinned as her tongue toyed with the hardened bud in her mouth, "now, Liv," she whispered, and dragged her teeth over the nipple, nipping playfully, "now!" she commanded as she bit down, causing exquisite pain to her lover.

Olivia's climax was explosive, and Alex tried futilely to still her bucking hips. "That's it, honey," Alex whispered, as the aftershocks rode through Olivia, making her whimper helplessly. "That's it, my darling. You did it, you were amazing. God you're beautiful," Alex felt tears gather in her eyes. "You're so beautiful."

Olivia turned her head to face Alex. "You," she gasped, after a few minutes, still struggling to gain control of her breathing. "You're the one that's beautiful. That was... thank you Alex. I couldn't do this without you."

"You don't have to do anything without me," Alex tucked a strand of hair behind Olivia's ear.

Olivia nodded. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, honey," Alex gathered Olivia in her arms and held her tight.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**Two weeks later**_

"Tea?" Alex asked Olivia at breakfast that morning.

Olivia nodded. "Thanks," her face was tense.

Alex leaned over and put her hand on Olivia's arm. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked.

Olivia nodded; then she shook her head. "It's due today," she whispered. "My period."

Alex nodded. "I know," she said. "Did it come?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not yet. But it probably will."

Alex squeezed her hand. "Don't anticipate bad things, Liv," she said quietly. "You know, we could do this the easy way. We could just do a test."

Olivia's mouth formed into a stubborn line. "I can't," she whispered. "I need it to happen this time. And if I find out it hasn't, I'm never going to be able to pretend everything's okay. I need to deal with disappointment in my own time. Does that make sense?"

"Of course it does," Alex said. "It's Monday today. If nothing happens, we can do a test on Friday evening? If you want to. There's no pressure."

"'kay," Olivia was monosyllabic. "I've gotta go," she kissed Alex softly. "Early interview, Elliot's meeting me downtown."

"You'll be careful?" Alex said.

"Of course," Olivia smiled. "See you later."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"How long does it take?" Alex pulled impatiently at the wrapper.

"Read the instructions!" Olivia laughed. Every day that had passed, and she had not gotten her period, she felt more confident. She even imagined that her breasts felt a little tender, but she hadn't shared that with Alex. Not yet.

"Three minutes," Alex said as she peered at the back of the packet. She thrust the stick at Olivia. "Now!" she commanded. "Do it now!"

"Okay, counselor," Olivia said humorously. "I'll be right back."

"Want me to come with you?" Alex offered.

"To watch me pee on a stick? No thanks," Olivia laughed. She saw Alex's slightly downcast expression. "Oh honey, I know you want to part of everything. We'll look together, huh? In three minutes?"

Alex nodded happily.

Olivia emerged from the bathroom a few moments later.

"Where is it?" Alex demanded impatiently.

"On the back of the toilet," Olivia said. She looked at her watch, and pressed a button a couple of times. "Okay," she said, "this will beep in three minutes. So, until it does," she grinned, "I want you to remind me exactly why we want to be parents together."

Alex grinned back. She stepped forward and took Olivia in her arms. She cupped the back of her head and kissed her, very softly and tenderly. She ran her hand down Olivia's soft cheek. "It would be amazing, wouldn't it?"

Olivia was suddenly nervous. "We can't get our hopes up," she said, a little shakily.

"I think it may be a little too late for that," Alex admitted. "You?"

Olivia nodded. "It feels... different... this time."

"If it isn't... if you aren't..." Alex started.

"We'll cope," Olivia told her firmly. "I have you. I'm already happier than anyone deserves to be. You're all I need."

"Ditto," Alex said, and dipped her head again to kiss Olivia.

They broke apart suddenly at the sound of Olivia's watch beeping.

"Ready for this?" Olivia took Alex's hand.

"No," Alex whispered. "Let's do it."

They were still hand in hand when they looked down at the stick sitting on the white porcelain shelf.

Alex took her glasses off, wiped them on her shirt, and put them back on again. She looked at a stunned Olivia, then looked down at the stick once more. For a full minute, neither of them spoke.

Finally, Alex turned to Olivia. "You did it," she whispered.

"We did it," Olivia replied, her voice shaking. "We did it."

"We're going to be moms," Alex said. "You'll be the hottest mom in the neighborhood."

"_You_ will," Olivia said. "And you won't even have stretchmarks!"

"I can't wait for your stretchmarks," Alex said, sincerely. "I can't wait to see you getting bigger. You'll be so beautiful, our child inside you."

"I'll waddle," Olivia laughed.

"Yeah," Alex said dreamily. "I can't wait," she kissed her. "My beautiful, fertile, sexy girl."

"Make love to me?" Olivia asked. Alex took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Four weeks later**_

"How is she?" Rosie asked as she entered the apartment.

"She's asleep," Alex kept her voice low. "Very bad night," she looked anguished.

"It's okay, Alex," Rosie said gently. "I know it's awful, but it won't last for ever."

For the past three weeks, Olivia had been suffering horribly from morning sickness. Some days, it seemed, she was okay, most of the time at least, but on others the nausea was relentless. She was determined still to work, but three times recently Elliot had sent her home. Yesterday she had come home in the middle of the afternoon and, when Alex returned early that evening, she found her lover huddled in the bathroom, miserably clutching the toilet bowl. Alex managed to get her into bed, but it seemed that sleep offered no respite, and the constant nausea kept propelling her back to the bathroom.

"At least it's Saturday today," Rosie said, "she won't feel she has to push herself."

"And I can be here," Alex said.

Olivia had banned Alex from taking any time off work to care for her. "It's only morning sickness, Alex," Olivia had said. "It's unpleasant, sure, but I'm not actually sick. And I'm not having you miss any more work for me. That would just make me feel worse."

Rosie set a bag on the kitchen counter. "Melinda used to make me peppermint tea in the night, that always helped."

"I've been giving her ginger tea," Alex volunteered. "But she says that doesn't work."

"Ginger doesn't work for everyone," Rosie told her. "It can even make it worse in some cases. Has she seen her OBGYN?"

"Yeah," Alex replied. "I made her go on Tuesday. She was _not_ happy with me. But everyone says that excessive vomiting should be checked out."

"And did the doctor have any advice?" Rosie asked.

"She checked her over, said everything's okay. She said the biggest risk is dehydration at this point, so Liv's taking hydration salts whenever she feels up to it. She's also eating whenever she can, just small amounts. Her doctor says she's underweight, but not dangerously so. She wants to see her every week for the next little while. Olivia's pissed at me," she said miserably.

"No I'm not," Olivia's voice came from the doorway to the bedroom. "I'm just being cranky. You were right, Alex," she smiled at the blonde attorney. "You usually are! Hey, Rosie," Olivia approached her and kissed her on the cheek. "How are you?"

"I'm great, Olivia," Rosie replied. "I'm more worried about you. You're having a lousy time, right?"

Olivia smiled wearily. "Yeah," she replied honestly. "Please tell me this doesn't last for ever."

Rosie smiled back. "It doesn't," she said. "It just feels like it's going to while it's happening to you."

"It's worth it in the end though," Olivia tried to be positive. "How are the girls?"

"They're wonderful," Rosie said dreamily. "They're with Melinda this morning, she's taking them to their grandma's for a couple of hours. She wanted me to have some time to myself."

"And you're spending that time here?" Olivia quirked an eyebrow at her.

"I just wanted to drop in, see how you're doing."

"Rosie brought some mint tea," Alex told Olivia.

"It was real helpful to me," Rosie said. "If I had it bad, Melinda would bring me the tea, and that really helped to settle me. We also worked out that cold food is better, on bad days. And soda, not diet soda, was good too; the sugar helped. And you just need to sleep as much as you can, Liv. If you have a bad night, you have to take time off work to make up for it. Lack of sleep makes a huge difference."

"Okay," Olivia said resignedly, "you're right, I know. That's what Alex has been telling me. I should have listened to you, honey," she took Alex's hand.

"How do you feel now?" Alex asked.

"Okay," Olivia sounded dubious.

"You want to try some peppermint tea, maybe some yoghurt too? That should be okay, do you think Rosie?"

Rosie nodded. "You need to eat whenever you think you can," she said. "And it will stop. Eventually. They even say it's a good sign, though that's easy for them to say. It means the pregnancy's really taking hold."

"Oh it's definitely taking hold," Olivia turned a ghastly shade of green. "Would you excuse me? I just..." she darted toward the bathroom.

"2.30pm?" Alex was on the phone when Olivia emerged shakily five minutes later. "We'll be there. Thank you."

Rosie took Olivia's arm and led her toward the couch. She settled her there, wrapping a warm blanket around her shoulders. "The tea's there," she nodded to the table. "Whenever you can manage it."

Olivia nodded miserably. "Thank you," her voice shook.

Alex sat next to her on the couch. "We've got another appointment with the doctor," she said softly. "I know you hate going, but you can't cope with this for much longer."

"Is that who was on the phone?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Alex replied, fearful that Olivia was going to ream her out for interfering.

"Thank you," Olivia replied. She smiled wanly at Alex's stunned expression. "I've been a bear," she said. "I'm sorry. I know you're right." With a shaking hand she reached out for the tea; Rosie stepped forward and passed it to her.

"Try and sleep," Rosie advised. "And call me, if I can do anything."

"Thank you," Alex said.

"You'll let us know what the OBGYN says?" Rosie asked.

"Of course," Alex replied.

Rosie let herself out of the apartment.

"Bed?" Alex suggested.

Olivia shook her head.

"We'll stay here," Alex said. She went into the bedroom, emerging a moment later with the warm quilt and a pillow. She sat back next to Olivia, and put the pillow on her lap and wrapped the quilt round her exhausted lover. She pulled her gently on to her lap, and held her tight.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"What did the OBGYN say?" Rosie asked when Alex phoned her.

"She's given her some anti-nausea tablets, and they seem to be working. She's sleeping again," Alex sounded relieved. "And she slept all this morning too."

"It shouldn't be for too much longer," Rosie reassured her. "It just feels like hell while it's ongoing."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**Six weeks later**_

"What are you looking at?" Olivia gave Elliot an icy stare.

"I'm just looking," Elliot grinned.

"At what?" she demanded, testily.

"Evidence," he replied. "So far, you're not looking too pregnant. I'm just wondering if this whole thing has been a ruse. An excuse for time off work."

Olivia scowled at him. "Just because I seem _finally_ to have to have come to the end of the morning sickness. Or morning, noon and night sickness, as I like to call it, does not mean you can start making jokes."

"No morning sickness jokes?" Elliot asked.

"No," she said, firmly.

"Oh well," he grinned. "I'll just have to wait a few weeks, and then I'll start up with the fat jokes."

Olivia swatted him around the head. "How you're still married after four kids, I'll never know," she said, darkly. "How did Kathy put up with your 'pregnancy humor'?"

"She didn't," he said. "I only tried it once with her."

"Well don't think I'm going to be any more tolerant," Olivia threatened.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Good day?" Olivia asked as Alex came through the door that evening.

"Pretty good," Alex said. "Though I've missed you. _And_," she grinned, cupping a full breast very tenderly, "I've missed _these_."

Olivia grinned too. Her breasts had, at long last, stopped being as acutely painful as they had been. They were still very tender and sensitive, but Alex knew that, and she knew how to handle them carefully so that she maximized Olivia's pleasure while minimizing any pain. Just in the last two weeks, Olivia's libido had returned with a vengeance, and she and Alex took any and every opportunity to exploit it. "Well I've missed you too, Alexandra," she said. "See," she gestured to the table in the kitchen, "I even cooked for you."

Alex looked over, and saw the table, which was laid with a white linen cloth. It had two candles on it, as well as their best cutlery. The dinner smelt delicious, and Alex's mouth watered.

"It'll be ready in a half hour," Olivia took Alex's coat and hung it up.

"Hmm," Alex said, "I wonder if we can think of anything to do in that time?" She was already unbutton Olivia's shirt. "Hey," she looked up at Olivia. "New bra?" she fingered the lacy material, unable to keep a wide smile off her face.

"Had to," Olivia told her, trying not to gasp as Alex kissed between her breasts, nipping and suckling as she went.

"Gone up a size?" Alex smiled.

"Two," Olivia breathed.

"That's my girl," Alex said, her breath hitching as she lowered the straps and reached out to release the clasp at the back. She caught Olivia's breasts as they spilled out from the fabric, and held them tenderly. "Oh Olivia," very softly she kneaded the silky skin. "You're... oh God, you're... you're flawless."

"Hardly flawless," Olivia's breath quickened.

"You are to me," Alex kissed her, savoring the softness of her lips. She slipped her tongue into Olivia's mouth, as ever thrilled by the familiar sensation of Olivia's sweet mouth.

She felt Olivia's hands roaming over her own torso, and pulled her toward the bedroom.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"This is fantastic," Alex said as she ate. "You're a great cook Liv."

"Not as good as you," Olivia demurred.

"I couldn't do better than this," Alex told her. "This is amazing."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**A week later**_

"Wow," Alex was still breathless as she lay in her panting girlfriend's arms. "Any time you want to wake me like that, that's fine by me."

Olivia grinned. "It's the hormones," she gasped, "I'm sorry. I just … I want you all the time."

"Don't be sorry," Alex said. "If this goes on for ever, I'll be quite happy."

Olivia pulled a face. "I'm guessing we'll be taking a break when the baby's born."

"One step at a time," Alex turned in her arms and kissed her. "I'll just enjoy this while it lasts. Once that baby's here," she ran her hand over Olivia's belly, "you may never want sex again!"

"I can't imagine that _ever_ happening," Olivia told her. "Not while _these_ are on display anyway," she smiled as she caressed a pert breast.

"We should shower," Alex said, reluctantly.

"It's still early," Olivia pouted.

"I know, honey," Alex said. "But we promised Melinda and Rosie we'd meet them at the mall at 8.30am, they're buying a new couch, remember?"

Olivia nodded. "I don't know why they need us there," she said.

"Because they always fight over soft furnishings," Alex laughed. "We're there to keep the peace or, if it gets too bad, to take the girls to the park while they slug it out!"

"Well I can think of something I'd rather be doing," Olivia kissed Alex tenderly, almost distracting the blonde attorney from her plans.

"Nice try, detective," Alex said when they finally broke apart. "Now come on," she threw the quilt back and took Olivia's hand, leading her toward the bathroom. "We'll shower together, will that make up for it?"

Olivia nodded eagerly. She loved showering with Alex. Their shower stall was just a little too small for the two of them, and Alex was so tender and loving, especially now, that joint showers nearly always ended up in a make-out session. So she was disappointed when Alex, while as gentle as always, made sure they were both out of the shower and wrapped in warm towels within five minutes. "I know," Alex said, "we'll make up for it later. Here," she pushed Olivia so that she was seated on the bed, "you take your time, I'm going to head out and pick up some warm rolls from the bakery."

"It's only 7am," Olivia said, while Alex dressed hastily in jeans and a white shirt that clung perfectly to her slender frame, "nothing'll be open."

"The bakery opens at 5.30am, Liv," Alex said.

"How do you know these things?" Olivia demanded. "You're like some kind of domestic goddess."

Alex grinned, as she picked up her keys. "I'll be right back," she kissed her lover.

"Don't forget your coat," Olivia called. "It's icy out there."

"Got it," Alex grabbed it from the hook by the door and let herself out.

Three minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

"What?" a half-dressed Olivia laughed. She shrugged on her robe. "Did you forget your wallet?" She strode to the door, stopping out of habit to look through the peep-hole. Instead of seeing Alex as she had expected, however, she saw a young blonde woman, dressed in jeans and a thin sweater. She looked damp and very cold.

Olivia opened the door. "Hello?" she said.

The girl looked at her. "Does Alex live here?" she asked, through chattering teeth. "Alex Cabot?"

"Yes," Olivia replied. "She's just gone out. She'll be back in a few minutes. Are you okay?" she could see that the girl was freezing. "Come in," she put her hand on her arm. "Geez, you're soaked," she said, guiding her in to the apartment. "Come in and get warm."

"I don't mean to intrude," the girl said. She was 19 at most, Olivia guessed, probably younger. "I just didn't know where else to go."

"Sit," Olivia led her to the couch. She pulled the comforter round her shoulders. "Stay there a moment," she dashed into the bedroom. She emerged a moment later, clutching a towel, a t-shirt, warm sweater and jogging pants. "Here," she thrust them at the girl. "I've got to finish dressing. You take these and put them on. We'll put your wet clothes in the laundry."

The girl looked up at her. "You don't even know me," she said.

"I don't need to know you," Olivia's tone was gentle. "You look sick, you need to get warm. Once you're warmed up, you can tell me what you're doing here."

The girl nodded.

"I'll be right back," Olivia said. "Okay?"

When Olivia came back, the girl was still sitting on the couch, seemingly not having moved. She was staring sightlessly at the wall.

"Hey," Olivia said, "you didn't change."

The girl looked at her, but didn't seem to be understanding her words. More worryingly, she had stopped shaking. "Oh shit", Olivia thought. "Hypothermia."

"Okay," Olivia was brusque. "We need to get you out of these things," she sat next to the girl. "Will you let me help you?"

The girl looked at her again for a few seconds, then finally nodded.

Swiftly, Olivia pulled the girl's sweater and t-shirt off. "I'm taking your bra off," she told her, "it's soaking."

The girl nodded as Olivia slid the straps down her arms, trying not to react to the horrific bruising down her back. Olivia dried her off, and helped her into the clean t-shirt and sweatshirt. She undid her damp jeans, and slid them off, followed by her underwear. She was businesslike as she dried her off and helped her into the jogging pants. "Socks!" she exclaimed, and shot into the bedroom. She was back in a moment, with the warmest socks she could find, which she slipped on the girl's icy feet. She went to the linen closet and returned with a thick quilt, which she wrapped round the girl.

Olivia then went to the kitchen, where she heated up some milk. She filled up a mug, spooned in some sugar, and took it to the girl, setting it on the table next to the couch. "Hey," her voice was soft. "Do you think you could manage some warm milk?" she put her hand gently on the girl's arm, and was relieved to feel her shivering.

The girl nodded. Olivia sat next to her, and helped her wrap her shaking hands round the mug, keeping hold.

After a few sips, the girl turned to Olivia. "Thank you," she whispered.

"You want to tell me your name" Olivia asked.

"Sarah," she said in a tiny voice.

"Hi Sarah," Olivia's tone was warm and kind. "I'm Olivia," she said. "It's good to meet you. So you know Alex, huh?"

"She's my niece," Alex's voice came from behind her. "Oh my God, Sarah," Alex approached and knelt in front of her. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Auntie Alex?" Sarah said, and her eyes filled with tears. The tears spilled over and started to roll down her cheeks. "I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry, I..." her hands shook, and Olivia took the mug from her to stop her spilling.

Olivia got up from the couch and pushed Alex down in her place. Alex took the sobbing girl in her arms, and held her. The comforting gesture somehow opened the floodgates, and Sarah started to weep in earnest, shaking with cold, her body wracked with gut-wrenching sobs.

Olivia stood and watched, horrified at the misery she witness.

"Carolyn's daughter," Alex mouthed to Olivia.

Olivia remembered the one occasion when she had met Carolyn, in Alex's flat. She had thought then that she was a cold, controlling bitch, and she also remembered Alex referring to her poor relationship with her own daughter.

"It's okay, Sarah," Alex was whispering to the frightened girl. "Whatever it is, we'll make it okay. I swear to you."

Olivia nodded. She went to the phone. "Hey Melinda," she said when it was answered. "We've got a bit of a situation here. Alex's niece arrived, unexpectedly," she lowered her voice. "I think something may have happened. We're not going to be able to make it. No, I think we'll be okay," she replied to Melinda's offer to come over. "We'll call you if we need to, is that okay? Thanks so much, and I'm sorry to let you down. We'll see you soon."

She returned to the couch, where Sarah was finally starting to calm. "I'll light the fire," she said to Alex.

Alex nodded. "Thank you," she said quietly, brushing the hair from Sarah's pale forehead. "She needs to warm up."

After nearly an hour with the fire blazing in the grate, Sarah finally stopped shaking. She was still as pale as milk, and the look of misery on her face remained. "How are you doing, honey?" Alex asked softly.

"Okay," Sarah said. She tried to sit up, but Alex put a restraining hand on her shoulder.

"You stay like that for a while longer," she said gently.

"I didn't know where to go," Sarah whispered.

"You did right to come here," Alex said. "Didn't she, Liv?"

"Yes," Olivia said. "We'll take care of you Sarah. Whatever's happened, you're safe now."

"Can I stay?" Sarah sounded anxious. "Just for a bit?"

"You stay as long as you want," Olivia said. "You're welcome here. And you're safe."


	27. Chapter 27

"Do you feel like telling us what happened?" Alex spoke softly.

Sarah swallowed. "She threw me out," she said in a shaky voice.

"Carolyn did?" Alex asked.

Sarah nodded.

"Why?" Olivia asked.

"She walked in on me. Me and Jill," she blushed. "She was supposed to be out for the day; she came back early."

"When was this, honey?" Alex asked.

"Nearly three months ago," Sarah told her. "She was crazy. I mean, _real_ crazy. I've never seen her like that. I know she's kinda controlling, but I had no idea she was so … bigoted. She told me I was a deviant. She told me... she told me...," her voice trailed off.

"What did she tell you?" Alex's tone was warm and encouraging. "You can tell us anything. We've both been through something similar."

Sarah looked up at her, trustingly. "I'm sorry, I hate saying this. She told me that there was something wrong with me. That it must be the same thing you've got wrong with you. That was the first time I found out. About you. I had asked her why we hadn't seen you around, and why that picture of you in Grandma's house had disappeared from the piano. But she always made some excuse. It's only when she walked in on us that she told me. She said I was a freak, just like my aunt."

Alex was tight-lipped with fury. "How dare she?" she spat. "Oh I don't mean the stuff about me. I couldn't care less what she thinks of me. But how can she do that to her own daughter?"

"Your mother did," Olivia said softly, tears in her eyes.

"Yours too, in a way," Alex whispered. "My God," she tried to smile, "look at us all!"

"You said that was three months ago?" Olivia asked, her detective mind wanting more information. "Where have you been since then?"

"I went to stay with Jill," Sarah started to shake again. "I know she didn't really want me there. She was never really my girlfriend," she admitted. "I mean, I liked her. I liked her a lot actually. More than she liked me. Much more. I think I thought I was in love with her. But she never lied to me. Jill is... well, she's a player, I suppose. She told me right from the off that she wasn't looking for commitment, or even for love. She never led me on."

"Where did you meet her?" Alex asked.

"She fixed my car," Sarah said. "She's an auto mechanic. I thought she was amazing. And when I saw her rolling out from under my car, in her tight t-shirt and grease marks on her face, well..." she grinned bashfully. "She looked hot," she admitted with a smile. "But we were never going to be part of a great love affair. If Mom hadn't walked in on us, it would have fizzled out soon enough. But Jill's kind, even if she's flaky. She told me I could stay with her as long as I wanted. It wasn't ideal. She's only got one bedroom, so we were in the same bed. So, sometimes... you know," she reddened again. "She tried to be tactful," she continued. "Only brought other women home when I wasn't there. Sometimes she'd stay out all night, but she'd never rub my face in it, never said where she'd been."

"Something happened though?" Olivia asked. "Last night?"

Tears sprang to Sarah's eyes, and she looked down at her shaking hands. Alex put a hand over one of Sarah's. "It's okay, now, Sarah," she said. "You're okay here."

"I had an accident at work," Sarah's voice shook. "It was my fault. Someone left the cellar door open, and I didn't notice. I fell backwards down the stairs."

"Oh thank God," Olivia said involuntarily. "Oh I'm sorry Sarah. I didn't mean I was glad you fell. I saw the bruising. I was worried..."

"I wasn't assaulted," Sarah said. "But it hurt like hell. They made me go to the emergency room, have x-rays. Nothing's broken, but by the time I got out of the hospital, I just wanted to lie down. So I got back to Jill's apartment three hours earlier than I would have done if I'd worked my whole shift. And she was there. They were there. Both naked. I was embarrassed. And I didn't know what to do. So I ran off. I'd only gone a few hundred yards when I realized that I'd left my purse in the apartment, and my coat. But I couldn't bring myself to go back. I had three dollars in my pocket, so after I'd walked around for a couple of hours, and it had gotten real cold, I found a late-night café. But that shut at midnight. I just didn't know what to do."

"You should have called us," Alex said.

"It was late," Sarah said. "Anyway, I didn't have your number; that's in my cell, and I left that in my purse. I couldn't even remember where you lived. I knew the street, but didn't know what building."

"How did you find us?" Olivia asked.

"I walked up and down, looking for Alex's car. When I spotted it outside, I guessed that you were in the building next door. I waited until 7am, I didn't want to disturb anyone, and I pressed some buzzers. Three people were rude and told me to go away, but the fourth asked me to describe you. She told me she thought you were in this building. So I started pressing buzzers again, and I was told you were here. So I knocked on the door."

Olivia walked over to a table by the side of the room, and opened a drawer. She pulled out the spare key, and handed it to Sarah. "Here," she said. "You keep this. You can come and go here any time you want. Any time of the night too. Promise me you'll never spend another night out like that? You're lucky you didn't freeze to death."

"I thought I might," Sarah whispered. "I've never been so cold. But I found an empty basement, and it had an old furnace in it, and that was warm. So I stayed close to that. But the floor was concrete."

"You were lucky," Olivia said. "Places like that are havens for vagrants, drug addicts, they can be dangerous."

"I was the only one there," Sarah said.

"Just never do that again, you swear to me?" Olivia sounded sharper than she intended; she had just seen so many tragedies that began with stories like Sarah's.

"I swear," Sarah said. "Now I know where you live."

"Good girl," Alex gave her hand a squeeze. "How do you feel now? Can you manage some food?"

"I'm starving," Sarah said.

"When did you last eat?" Olivia asked her.

"Uh, breakfast I think," Sarah thought back.

"Oh God, that's 24 hours ago. Now wonder you're hungry," Alex said. "Come, sit, I'll make pancakes."

"She makes really good pancakes," Olivia smiled. "Your aunt has many talents."

Sarah ate ravenously, finally pushing her plate away with a sigh of satisfaction.

Alex noted with pleasure that her color had improved, and she seemed less shaky. "Better?" she asked.

Sarah nodded. "Thank you," she said, and yawned involuntarily.

"I'm betting you haven't slept," Olivia said. "C'mon," she guided her to the spare bedroom.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"She was at college, last thing I heard," Alex sounded worried. "If I remember right, she was studying neuroscience at Cornell. So she wouldn't have time to work?"

"Maybe her parents won't pay her tuition," Olivia suggested. "What's her father like? Surely he can't allow her mom to treat her like that."

Alex snorted. "He's worse than she is. He'll do anything she wants, he just wants her money. I don't think they even like each other, but for both of them, the lifestyle and what people think of them is what matters most."

"Well I know what I think of them," Olivia huffed.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Yeah, my tuition ran out last month," Sarah said sadly. "And it's such an expensive course, I couldn't pay for it on my own. Hell, I couldn't even afford to pay my own way at Jill's. So I got a job, flipping burgers. It was hell. Damn," she looked at her watch. "I should be there now. They'll fire me if I don't turn up."

Olivia put a hand on her arm. "You're not going anywhere," she said quietly. "First, you need to recover from the last 24 hours, or you'll make yourself sick. And second, if you do have to work a job, we'll make sure it's a better one than that. You're welcome here as long as you want to stay. Relax."

Sarah nodded. "Thank you," she said.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Alex entered, carrying two heavy bags of groceries. "No," she laughed as Olivia got up to help her. "You're not lifting either of these. You can, on the other hand, make some tea. I'm parched," she grinned.

Olivia smiled back and filled the kettle. Alex started stacking the contents of the grocery bags in the various cupboards around the kitchen. Olivia wrapped her arms round her from behind, resting her head on her shoulder. "I love you," Olivia whispered.

Alex turn in her arms and looked at her closely. "I love you too, Liv," she said. "Is everything okay?"

Olivia nodded. "I want to talk to you. I'll make the tea, and we can sit down."

Once they were settled on the couch, clutching their steaming mugs of tea, Alex looked at Olivia. "Spill," she demanded, good-humoredly.

Olivia smiled. "I've been thinking," she said. "About Sarah."

"Where is she?" Alex looked around her.

"She went for a walk," Olivia said. "Or at least that's what she told me. I'm guessing she's gone to collect her stuff from Jill's apartment. But she wanted time on her own, so I let her go."

Alex nodded. "Good," she said. "She doesn't need us fussing all the time."

"That's what I thought," Olivia replied. "She's a really nice girl, isn't she?"

Alex nodded. "God alone knows how," she grimaced.

"I want us to help her," Olivia stated. "She's clearly a smart cookie. And she continued going to school for the last few weeks of the semester, even though she knew the tuition was running out. She's keen Alex. I think she was hoping her parents would relent. But they didn't, did they?"

Alex shook her head.

"She's got two years left on her course, right?" Olivia said. "I think we should pay her tuition. I know," she held up her hands. "It's a lot of money. Money we should be saving for junior," she put her hand to her belly, "but we'll be okay. They can both go to college, and any other kids we have. We'll just have to be careful. We're both well paid..."

She tailed off as Alex leant forward and put her finger to Olivia's lips. Alex leant forward and kissed her softly. "I love you for suggesting it," she started speaking.

"But?" Olivia feared that Alex was going to argue.

"No 'buts'," Alex told her. "I just need to tell you something. And I want you to swear you're not going to be pissed at me."

"I could never be pissed at you," Olivia said.

"You might be. I had forgotten all about it. I know that sounds ridiculous, but truly I had. But it's exactly this sort of scenario that my Dad had in mind," Alex said.

"You're not making sense," Olivia said. "What had you forgotten? And what has your Dad got to do with all this?"

Alex took both their mugs and set them on the table. She took Alex's hands in hers, and looked her straight in the eye. "I love you, Liv," she said. "And I didn't deliberately keep this from you. Truly I didn't."

"What?" Olivia felt a cold shiver down her spine as she feared what Alex would say.

Alex saw the blood running from Olivia's face. "Oh Livvie," she said, "don't worry. It's nothing bad. It's good. It's really good. I just can't believe I didn't tell you before and didn't want you to think I've been keeping secrets. When Dad knew he was sick, he called me in and we had a long talk. He told me," her voice shook as she remembered, "he told me that he had always loved me and that he always would. He also told me that he had always known I was gay, and that he genuinely didn't care one way or the other. He said the only doubts he had about it were because of other people's prejudices, and that he worried I would be affected by them. He said that he didn't think mother would ever come to terms with my sexuality, and that, sooner or later, there would be a rift."

Olivia squeezed her fingers as she felt Alex trembling. "He was right," she whispered.

Alex nodded. "He sure was. He said that, when mother kicked him out, he had signed over most of the property and money to her, that he didn't need much himself. But he took a chunk, and he wanted me to take that. He guessed that mother would cut me off from the family, and all the money. I told him I didn't need it, but he made me take it. He reminded me that I might have kids one day, and there might come a time when I needed it, or when it would make life easier. He told me I didn't have to use it if I didn't want to. And genuinely, I had forgotten about it. I put it in a high-interest account, and it's been sitting there ever since. I've never needed it, you see? And when we got this place," she gestured around her, "I was so excited to have someone I love so much, who wanted to sign a joint mortgage with me, I didn't even think that we could have paid it off immediately, if we had wanted to. I'm sorry, Olivia. I should have told you."

Olivia looked stunned. "How much?" she asked eventually.

"Two mill," Alex's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Two million? Two million _dollars_?" Olivia was astounded.

"No, shekels," Alex joked.

"Wow," Olivia was stunned.

"Are you pissed?" Alex asked. "I'd hate for you to hate me for this."

Olivia leant forward and kissed her tenderly. "I could never hate you," she said softly. "Not for one second," she said. "It's just... weird, that's what it is. Weird. That sort of money, it's just numbers to me."

"Me too," Alex said. "And I didn't want that to be part of me. Part of who I am. I've always worked, Liv," she said. "I've always paid my own way. I got a good job, on my own merits."

"And you're so good at your job," Olivia reassured her. "You earn every penny."

"I always thought I'd give a lot of it to charity," Alex said. "One day. I've nearly done it a few times. But then I remembered what Daddy said. Suppose, God forbid, one of us had to go into the hospital. Or one of our children needed expensive medical treatment. I'd never forgive myself if I'd thrown away the chance to save them."

Olivia nodded.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered.

"For what?" Olivia asked.

"For keeping secrets. I hate it when people keep secrets, and I did it myself. I suppose, in truth, I probably didn't want you to think differently about me. Maybe I didn't forget; maybe I deliberately suppressed it. I just didn't want anything to jeopardize the chance of being with you. I didn't want you to think I was some spoiled princess."

"Spoiled princess?" Olivia was startled. "You? The woman who would rather sit on a battered couch, or make love in an old chair, than live in a state-of-the-art apartment? The woman who spent our first week together emptying buckets of puke? You couldn't be further from spoiled, Alexandra. You are beautiful, and kind, and honest. And now you're telling me we'll never have to worry about money. I know it's a crazy amount, and one day we'll work out what to do with it. Today, though, we'll just celebrate that we can get Sarah back into education, where she belongs and where she's happy."

Alex nodded. "You're happy for her to stay here?" she asked.

Olivia smiled. "For as long as she wants. She's a sweet girl, and she needs our support right now. This thing with her mom is awful for her. We'll have to be her family from now on, until her mother comes round."

"She won't come round," Alex sounded bitter. "She and mother will get together, and together they'll lament their dreadful luck in breeding deviants."

"Fuck them," Olivia stated, startling Alex. Olivia rarely swore. "I mean it," Olivia's tone became angrier. "How can a mother do that? My mom's bad enough, but she's a victim of sexual abuse, and a raging alcoholic, she rarely has any control over what she says and thinks. But Carolyn? She's what, 40 years old?"

"38," Alex said.

"She should damned well know better. And how your mother can think those things about _you_, I just have no idea. You're wonderful, Alex. Even with all that hatred, you are just about the loveliest thing I've ever seen. Even if I didn't find you totally irresistible, it would still be clear to me that you are a truly good person."

Alex smiled. "Irresistible?" she teased.

"Oh God yes," Olivia smiled, her fury suddenly spent.

"How irresistible?" Alex laughed.

"Totally. Utterly. Completely," Olivia's voice lowered an octave as she felt the familiar stirrings of desire. "Absolutely," she kissed Alex and pushed her gently so that she was lying on the couch. "Wholly. Unconditionally," she reached out and took Alex's hand, bringing it to her own breast.

Alex wrapped her fingers carefully around the perfect mound, smiling as she did. "I swear these are getting bigger by the day," she said. "And," she flicked a finger over a straining nipple, "I think I should carry out a closer examination. I don't want them to feel I'm neglecting them," her breathing had quickened and, laughing, she pulled at Olivia so that she fell on top of her. She put a hand up to stroke Olivia's cheek. "Are we okay?" she asked, suddenly serious.

"Always," Olivia whispered, nuzzling at her long neck. Olivia sat up partially. "C'mon," she put a hand out to Alex.

Alex pouted. "I was having fun," she complained.

"Me too," Olivia said. "But your 19-year-old niece has a key, and we don't know what time she's coming home. You want her to catch us?"

Alex threw her head back and laughed, her full throaty laugh that Olivia loved so much. "Maybe we should adjourn, detective," she agreed.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Olivia cried out in ecstasy as she felt Alex's tongue swirling round her stiffened nipple. Her breasts remained super-sensitive, and a few times recently Alex had brought her to her climax just by using her tongue on her breasts. "No," Olivia panted, "not yet. I don't want to yet, I want to feel you," reluctantly she pulled Alex away from her nipple. "I want to taste you," she slipped her own tongue in Alex's mouth, "I want to drive you crazy," she started to work her way down Alex's body.

"You already do," Alex gasped, as Olivia's tongue toyed first with one breast, and then the next. "Oh Liv," she squeaked, as Olivia traveled further south, nipping and tasting as she went.

Alex's soft, salty, sweat-soaked skin was irresistible to Olivia, who could barely contain her excitement as she reached her target. "You're so perfect," Olivia whispered as her tongue slid into Alex's overheated center.

Alex whimpered, as she succumbed to the assault. She knew she was close. "Want to see you," she panted. "Your face," she pulled Olivia to a sitting position and slid down the bed so that they were facing each other. "I need to see your face," she repeated, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. "Your beautiful face," she kissed her passionately, tasting herself on Olivia's lips. "I think I'm... oh Livvie," she thrust a hand between Olivia's legs, and cried out involuntarily as she felt Olivia's strong fingers work their way inside her, "I'm going to...," she felt Olivia started to thrust gently, and matched her rhythm. She saw Olivia's eyes shut in ecstasy. "I can't wait much longer," Alex cried, trying to delay the exquisite moment.

Olivia panted wordlessly, moaning as her ardor increased sharply. She felt Alex's tongue return to her breasts, more urgently this time, tonguing, nibbling and suckling. "Lex," she begged, her hips starting to thrust against Alex's hand, "more... harder... one more finger, honey... oh God yes. C'mon, together, we can do this together... relax and... oh Alexandra," her words were staccato, coming in short bursts.

Tears streamed down Alex's face; she had never before been so overcome, with emotion, with lust, with love. "Liv," she was almost incoherent. She suckled on a full breast, delighting at its ripeness and sensitivity, "shall we...?," she screamed as they crested together, bucking ferociously against each other. Olivia's cry of release was the single most erotic noise that Alex had ever heard.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Olivia grinned as Alex soaped her down in the shower.

Alex hands stilled around her belly, and Alex looked into Olivia's eyes. "The baby?" she whispered, in awe. Olivia's stomach was still flat but, finally, had started to soften.

Olivia nodded. "I think so," she said. "Unless I'm just eating too much."

"Oh Liv," Alex kissed her. "It's really happening, isn't it?"

Olivia nodded, happily. "Too late to change your mind now," she teased.


	28. Chapter 28

"You're kidding?" Sarah looked astounded. "No," she shook her head. "You're so kind, but it's too much. I can't ask you to do that for me."

Olivia smiled. "You didn't ask us," she said mildly. "We offered. And we're not taking no for an answer. We can afford it, and it would make us both so happy, wouldn't it Alex?"

Alex smiled and sat next to her niece on the couch, taking her hand. "We want to do this. Both of us. We really do. It's a privilege to be able to make a difference in this way. Please say you accept."

Sarah felt her throat tighten. She nodded, barely able to speak. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you so much."

Alex smiled widely. "I'm so pleased you said that, because we have a meeting tomorrow morning at the college. I'm sorry, I know it's interfering, but I called them this morning, and they were so pleased to hear you were coming back. You're very popular there, and they told me you got great marks."

Sarah nodded. "It's a fascinating course," she said. "I loved the work."

"Then you can love it again," Olivia told her. "Wait there, we got you something that might make things a little easier for you," she disappeared into their bedroom, emerging a moment later with a gift-wrapped box, which she put on Sarah's lap.

Sarah just stared.

"Well open it!" Olivia demanded. "Alex is fit to burst!"

Alex grinned.

Sarah pulled off the wrapping and saw the writing on the box. "A laptop!" she was overwhelmed. "You two... you're amazing. Thank you. I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything," Alex put her arm round her. "Just enjoy."

Sarah nodded. "I will," she promised. "I'll work so hard, I'll make you proud."

"We're proud already," Alex said. She passed her an envelope. "In there are details of a new bank account we've set up. You're getting a monthly allowance, but you must promise to let us know if it's not enough. We don't want you having to work when you should be studying. And if you want to live at the college, or move in with friends, we won't mind."

Sarah shook her head. "No," she said. "I want to stay here with you. As long as I won't be in the way."

Olivia sat on the couch next to Alex, and reached over to touch Sarah's arm. "Of course you're not in the way. We love having you here. But before you make that decision, there's one thing you should know. We... that is, Alex and I... well, I don't know how to put this."

"Olivia's pregnant," Alex said, and burst out laughing. "What?" she said. "How else can you say it?"

Olivia grinned. "That about covers it," she said. "We're having a baby," she took Alex's hand.

"Oh my God, that's _fantastic_," Sarah shrieked. "When?"

"Just under six months," Olivia told her. "A winter baby."

"That's just wonderful," Sarah said. "I'm so happy for you. You'll be amazing moms."

"I hope so," Alex said. "We'll certainly try. But it's going to be noisy round here for a while. It may not be conducive to studying."

"It'll be perfect," Sarah exclaimed. "I always wanted a baby brother or sister."

"You're about to get your wish then," Olivia told her. "You're part of this family now."

Sarah nodded, too emotional to speak.

Alex hugged her tightly.

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

"Ready to go?" Olivia shook her keys at Alex, who was still stuffing papers in her briefcase.

"Just coming," Alex said. "I just want to make sure I've got everything, in case we have questions."

Olivia smiled. "You're so organized," she said. "I love that you're so prepared for this," she kissed Alex softly.

Alex melted into the tender kiss and neither woman noticed Sarah coming out of her room. "Oh, I'm sorry," Sarah said, looking away.

Olivia barked with laughter. "Don't be," she said. "If you're staying here, Sarah, that's something you're going to have to get used to. It's not my fault," she pretended innocence. "Blame your aunt. She can't keep her hands off me!"

Alex feigned outrage, stalking out of the door in a mock-huff.

Sarah giggled.

"You okay?" Olivia asked her with a smile. "I know we steamrollered you into this."

"I'm great," Sarah said. "I'm so excited. I feel like I got my life back, but without a controlling mother."

"You've got two controlling aunts instead," Olivia said as they left the apartment.

"I think I can get used to that," Sarah smiled.

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

Olivia's phone started to ring as they reached the car, so she threw the keys at Alex, "you drive," she told her, saying "Benson" into the phone.

Alex opened the car and ushered Sarah into the back seat. She looked up and saw all the color drain from Olivia's face. Olivia put one hand on the roof of the car to steady herself. "I'll be there," she said.

Olivia turned, to find Alex was standing right by her.

"Liv?" Alex asked softly. "What's wrong honey?"

Olivia shook her head. "It's work," she said. "Bad case. I'm sorry, I have to go. You two'll have to go without me. I hope it goes well," she said.

"Liv, let me drive you," Alex said.

"I'll get the subway," Olivia said. "Just go, you don't want to be late. You have to give a good impression."

"Will you be late?" Alex was concerned; she could see Olivia was fighting to hold it together.

"Probably," Olivia said. "I'll call you."

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

Alex was very worried about Olivia; she could tell something had upset her badly, but she knew that it wasn't the time to interrogate her. And she had to get Sarah to the college. So she drove her to Cornell, pretending everything was okay.

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

Captain Cragen was waiting by the elevator as Olivia emerged. Quietly he ushered her into his office.

"I'm so sorry, Liv," Cragen said, after telling her what had happened.

"It was always going to happen," Olivia said. "My mother is a drunk. _Was_ a drunk," she amended. "Was anyone with her when she died?"

Cragen shook his head. "She died instantly, Olivia," he said. "She fell down the subway stairs, she was dead when she hit the bottom."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you," she said. "For telling me yourself."

"There will have to be an inquest," Cragen said gently. "I'm so sorry."

"So there'll be an autopsy?" Olivia felt faint, and lowered herself into a chair. She had witnessed countless autopsies, but the idea that her mother would be on the slab made her feel nauseous and weak.

"Dr Warner has volunteered, if you'd like her to do it," Cragen said. "It's irregular, but the 12th precinct have agreed, if you'd like that."

"I... I don't know... I'm just...," Olivia's words stuck in her throat. Cragen handed her a glass of water, which she sipped gratefully. "Thank you," she whispered. "I think I would like that. If Melinda doesn't mind."

"She doesn't mind," Cragen said.

Olivia stood. "Thank you," she said. "You've been very kind. I'll go over to the 12th, organize things. Do the paperwork," she swallowed. "I'll need to talk to Melinda about the services, when … the body will be available."

"That's one more thing," Cragen said. "Your mother will have to be...," he hesitated.

"Identified," Olivia supplied. "I realize that. Can I do that now?"

Cragen shook his head. "Not yet," he said kindly. "Later today probably. Maybe tomorrow. Melinda needs..."

"To clean her up. I understand," Olivia was brusque as she put out her hand. She shook his hand firmly. "I know you've gone out of your way to make this easier. Thank you."

Cragen nodded, watching sadly as his favorite detective walked proudly out of his office. He desperately wanted to call Alex Cabot, but he knew it was not his place.

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

"Has Olivia called yet?" Sarah asked Alex at 8pm that day.

"No," Alex responded a little sharply, her whole body language betraying the tension she felt.

"Have you tried calling her?" Sarah asked.

"Her phone's off," Alex's voice softened. She turned to her niece. "I'm worried, Sarah," she said. "I called Elliot, he wasn't in today, he has no idea what's going on."

"So it wasn't a case then?"

"No, something's happened, and I don't know what it is," Alex said. "I don't want her under stress, especially now. She had such bad morning sickness, and she has to be careful or it comes back. I wish she'd take care of herself."

The phone rang, and Alex dived for it. "Olivia?" she demanded as she picked it up. "Oh Rosie, no, I'm sorry. I was just hoping you were Liv. I haven't seen her since this morning. I'm sure she'll be... oh my God," she said. She nodded a few times. "Where?" she asked, and wrote something down on a pad. "Thank you. I'm sure she won't mind."

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

_**9pm that day**_

Olivia stood in the relatives' viewing room, her eyes fixed on the body of her mother. She looked shrunken, almost shriveled. Smaller than Olivia had ever realized. Somehow, now, the acidic remarks that had hurt so badly at the time seemed inconsequential. Serena Benson now seemed pathetic, forlorn. Unloved, though Olivia had loved her fiercely for so long. Still did love her, she realized with a jolt of surprise. She knew her mother had been through hell. She knew from her job just how painful sexual abuse could be; she had seen too many lives warped and twisted, too many victims who had never fully recovered; who never would recover.

Unwittingly, Olivia put her hand to her stomach, which was just starting to become a little round. She didn't care what happened to her in the future, she would never allow anything to cast a shadow on her baby's life. _Their_ baby's life, she thought, and a small smile crossed her face.

She realized that she had only once introduced Alex to her mother, and that meeting had been an unmitigated disaster. Serena had tried to be civil, but as the evening went on, and she drank more and more, she became acidic and unkind, scoring points off her own daughter. Worse, in Olivia's eyes, she had started to direct her venom toward Alex, so Olivia had taken her by the hand and left. She had only seen her twice herself since that fateful day, and her mother had been unrepentant.

A small part of Olivia felt relieved that her mother would no longer cause her anguish, and she felt a pang of guilt at that thought. She tried to imagine what life must have been like for Serena, and it broke her heart. She wondered how she would feel if the child she was carrying turned out to be a daily reminder of the worst day of her life, but still she couldn't imagine blaming the child. She must, she realized, look like her father. Not father, she told herself sternly. That rapist. The man who had ruined her mother's life, and blighted her own.

She started to feel a little sick and faint, and she let her face lean against the viewing glass, shutting her eyes in misery. She was half aware of the door behind her opening, and realized that the morgue staff must want to go home. "I'm sorry," she was unnerved to hear the weakness in her own voice. "I'll go..." suddenly she was aware of a familiar presence standing by her side, and the hand that she knew almost better than her own took her hand and held it firmly.

"There's no hurry," Alex told her. "You take all the time that you need."

Olivia opened her eyes, and saw Alex there, her own sadness reflected in the blonde's eyes. She started to shake, as the shock of the day started to register. Alex folded her into her arms and held her tight.

The two women stood there for a full ten minutes, neither of them speaking. Olivia knew she should cry, but somehow she couldn't do it. She felt small and frightened, and her mind could only take in the feel and scent of her lover. She felt she might crumble, and Alex's strong arms around her were stopping her from falling apart completely.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said eventually.

"You don't have to be sorry," Alex said. "Will you let me take you home?"

Olivia nodded.

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

Sarah was in her bedroom when they got back to the apartment. It was only just after 10pm, and Alex knew that her niece was being tactful. She had been shaken when Alex had told her what had happened, and she knew that her aunts needed some time to themselves.

Alex led Olivia to the couch. "Have you eaten anything since breakfast?" she asked Olivia gently.

Olivia shook her head.

Alex knelt in front of her. "You should try and eat something," she said. "You know it makes everything worse."

Olivia nodded. Her head was already swimming and she was feeling horribly sick, which always happened if she allowed herself to get too hungry. She swallowed carefully. "I'll make you some eggs," Alex said. "Scrambled okay?"

Olivia turned green. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, as she stumbled clumsily to the bathroom. Alex followed behind her, but Olivia slammed the door behind her, and Alex heard the lock turn seconds before she heard the unmistakeable sound of retching.

Realizing that Olivia wanted to be left alone, Alex turned away sadly.

Five minutes later, Olivia emerged from the bathroom, looking horribly wan and shaken. Alex went up to her and took her in her arms. "It's okay, sweetheart," Alex said.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said again.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Alex said. "Nothing at all. Let's get you into bed."

Alex peeled off Olivia's clothes, and dressed her in her warmest pyjamas. She helped her into bed, propping her up on pillows. "Here," she said softly, holding a mug of peppermint tea to Olivia's lips. Olivia tried to take it in her shaking hands, but couldn't manage without spilling. "Let me hold it, baby," Alex whispered. "Just take a few sips. There, good girl, that's better, huh?" Olivia's shaking diminished marginally. "Just a little more. That's good honey. There's a bottle of water here too, if you get thirsty in the night. We'll start again tomorrow," she passed her a couple of her anti-nausea tablets. "Just take these tonight. Tomorrow's Saturday," she said soothingly as she placed the empty mug on the nightstand. "We can take it easy. Now let's get you lying down." She helped her settle in the bed.

"Stay?" Olivia pleaded.

Alex smiled at her. "Of course, Liv," she was already shedding her clothes. Alex reached for her nightshirt.

"No," Olivia said. "I want to touch you. Properly."

Alex looked concerned; sex was the last thing on her mind.

"I just want to feel your skin," Olivia's voice sounded so small and scared.

Alex nodded, and slid in naked next to her.

Olivia immediately snuggled up to her. Alex took Olivia's hand and placed it over her own breast, knowing how comforting that was for her. "I can feel your heartbeat," Olivia whispered.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked.

Olivia nodded. "I am now," she said.


	29. Chapter 29

The following week was a hard one for both women. Olivia coped bravely with all the bureaucracy that came with her mother's sudden death and, with Alex's help, prepared for the funeral which was to take place the following Friday. She was aware that Melinda's involvement in her mother's autopsy had helped to speed up the process, and for that, she was grateful. She knew that her mother was no longer in her body, but the thought of her lying in the fridge in the morgue for a moment longer than absolutely necessary filled her with horror.

Alex watched sadly as her lover put on a brave face, even insisting on going to work. "What else would I do, Alex?" Olivia had asked her. "Sit around in the apartment, brooding? I'm better busy." Reluctantly, Alex had agreed with her. She was pleased to note that Olivia was doing all she could to stay healthy, and on top of things. She watched Olivia closely, and was glad when she saw her eating small, regular meals, even when she could see that she really did not want to.

What worried Alex above all was that Olivia did not seem to be facing up to things, emotionally. "You can always talk to me," she said to her gently, as she lay across from her in bed a couple of days after the death. "You don't have to be brave with me."

"I'm not being brave," Olivia admitted to her. "I'm just... numb. I don't know what to say. What to think. I should feel sadder. What sort of a daughter am I?"

"You have always been a good daughter, Liv," Alex said. "Everybody reacts differently."

"I feel like a cold-hearted bitch," Olivia whispered.

Alex reached out and stroked her soft cheek. "You trust me, right?"

Olivia nodded, miserably.

"Well trust me on this. You have the warmest heart of anyone I've ever met. And any problems in your relationship with your mother were _her_ fault, not yours. Don't beat yourself up, Liv. And we're just going to take this one day at a time, okay?"

Olivia nodded again. "I'll be glad when it's over," she whispered.

"Just a few more days to the service," Alex said. "You need to take care of _yourself _rightnow."

"I'm trying to," Olivia said.

"I know, sweetheart," Alex replied. "I know. This is an awful time for you; the death of a parent, it's always shocking, whatever history you have. I was a mess when Daddy died. Don't put any pressure on yourself to feel a certain way."

Olivia reached over and took her hand, holding it tight.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Sarah?" Alex saw her niece's face as she came home that Thursday night. "What's wrong?"

"I think she's throwing up," Sarah said, gesturing to the bathroom. "She's been in there for ages. I didn't want to go in... I called and she said she's alright, but she sounds awful Alex."

Alex put her hand on Sarah's shoulder. "It's the stress," she told her. "The funeral's tomorrow, and she's bottling it all up. Poor Olivia, she's trying so hard, but it's getting to her." Alex shrugged off her coat, dropped her briefcase and approached the bathroom door. She heard a low moan, and tapped on the door. "Liv?" she called softly. "I'm coming in."

"I'm okay," Olivia called weakly.

"I know," Alex replied. "I know." She tried the door handle, and was very relieved to find that Olivia hadn't locked the door. "I'm still coming in."

She saw her lover huddled on the cold tile floor, her face white as milk. "It's just dry heaves," Olivia said as Alex put a hand on her back. "I'm... oh God," she whimpered as she leaned over the bowl once more.

Alex held her lovingly. "You're freezing," she said gently. "Let me just..."

"I'll get a blanket," Sarah's concerned face appeared at the doorway. She returned a moment later, a warm blanket in her arms, which Alex took and tucked round Olivia. A few minutes later she was back again, holding a glass of water.

Alex nodded her thanks.

"I'm just in here if I can help," Sarah said, as she tactfully withdrew.

Olivia slumped in Alex's arms. "I don't feel good," she said thickly.

"I know, Liv," Alex said. "It's over now. Try and drink some of this," she held the glass to her lips. "Are you warming up now?"

"A bit," Olivia said. "Oh God, how am I going to get through tomorrow?"

"We'll get through it together," Alex said. "You don't have to do any of this on your own."

"I haven't even cried," Olivia said. "My mother's dead, and I can't even cry."

"You don't have to cry, Liv," Alex whispered, holding her tight. "You don't have to do anything. Do you think you're done now?" she gestured to the toilet.

"I think so," Olivia said weakly. Just being with Alex made her feel stronger.

Alex helped her to her feet, and guided her to the bedroom. She was touched to see that Sarah had pulled back the quilt on the bed and put a couple of hot water bottles in.

Within a few minutes, Olivia was changed and lying down. Alex smoothed the matted hair off her forehead and pressed a kiss against the skin. "I'll be right back," she promised.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Is she okay?" Sarah sounded worried.

"She will be," Alex replied. "Thank you," she put her hand on Sarah's arm.

"I wish I could help," Sarah said sadly.

"Me too," Alex said, and for the first time, Sarah could see the tension in her face. "She's trying so hard, she wants to be open with me. But she's bottled things up for so many years, she can't let it out. I'm frightened that this is going to wear away at her if she can't let go."

"She loves you," Sarah said.

"I know," Alex said. "Truly, I do. And it's not that she doesn't want to let me in. She just doesn't know how to. It's like when she was assaulted," she swallowed.

"When?" Sarah asked, appalled.

"A few months ago; in the line of duty. She saw a great therapist. It made all the difference. Maybe that's what she needs now."

"Maybe she only needs you," Sarah said softly, as she put a plate of dinner in front of Alex.

"She has me," Alex felt tears pricking at her eyes.

"Eat, and go to her," Sarah advised.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

As they drew up to the cemetery, Alex squeezed Olivia's hand. Olivia looked at her gratefully. They climbed out of the car, and were surprised and touched to see Elliot, Captain Cragen and Melinda and Rosie waiting for them.

The service was short, and the small party then gathered at the graveside as the coffin was lowered in. "She insisted on burial," Olivia said to Alex. "Don't let them bury me. I want to be cremated," she looked Alex straight in the eye. "Promise me."

Alex squeezed her hand. "I promise," she said.

Once the short burial service was completed, the mourners melted away, leaving just Olivia and Alex standing by the graveside. Olivia was rigid with tension, and her grip on Alex's fingers fierce. It was a cool August morning, and Alex shivered slightly in the cold air. Olivia didn't seem to notice the temperature, her eyes fixed somewhere in the middle distance, unfocused but unblinking. "I'm sorry," Olivia whispered after an interminable twenty minutes. "I'm so sorry Mom," a single tear tracked down her cheek.

"She's really gone," Olivia's voice trembled.

"Yes, she has, baby," Alex said softly.

"I'll never see her again," Olivia said. "I'll... oh God," she gulped. Tears fell unbidden down her cheeks and she started to sob. Her knees buckled, and Alex held tight to her as she slid to the ground. Her body was wracked with gut-wrenching sobs; Alex had never seen somebody in such misery. She cradled her like a small child, whispering reassuringly to her as she wept.

Part of Alex hated that her lover was suffering so dreadfully, but in the back of her mind, she recognized that Olivia at last was letting go some of the anguish that had plagued her since she had heard about her mother's death. So the weeping was a type of cleansing for her.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"She's sleeping?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah," Alex ran a hand through her blonde hair.

"And how are _you_?" Sarah wanted to know.

"I'm just glad it's over," Alex said. "And I think she'll be okay now. And she's agreed to see the doctor on Monday, just to check everything's okay. She says she feels fine, and I think that's the truth. Now the stress is over."

"Eat some lunch," Sarah passed her aunt a plate. "Don't forget you need to take care of yourself too."

"Thanks," Alex said. "You're sweet."

After eating, Sarah left the apartment to get to the last two hours of lectures, and Alex decided to join Olivia. As she slid gratefully between the sheets, she looked down at her lover, relieved to see that she was sleeping peacefully, her face devoid of the tension that she had been showing for the last week. Olivia murmured in her sleep, and unconsciously reached out for Alex, smiling slightly as she snuggled into her.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"You're looking better," Alex said when she awoke early that evening. "Have you been awake long?"

Olivia shook her head. "Ten minutes," she replied. "And I feel good. I was just watching you sleep," she said, feeling a little foolish.

Alex grinned. She, in turn, loved to watch Olivia sleep. "Like what you see?" she teased.

Olivia nodded. "You're so beautiful," she whispered. "Skin like porcelain," she traced her finger down Alex's soft cheek. "You make me so happy," she said, smiling at the soppiness of her words.

"You make me happy too, Olivia. More than that; I feel complete, at last. There was always something missing before," Alex said. "With you, I'm _me_. You must think I'm crazy."

Olivia laughed. "We all know you're crazy, Alex."

Alex was thrilled with the return of Olivia's bantering tone, and the smile that graced her lips. For too long now, Olivia's face had betrayed only pain.

Olivia smiled lovingly at Alex. "I'm only ever _me_ when I'm with you too, Lex."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Everything looks good, Olivia," the doctor said. "Your blood pressure is a little high, but that's only to be expected with all the stress you've been under. Come back in a week's time and have it checked again, okay?"

Olivia nodded.

You're due a scan in three weeks anyway," the doctor continued. "How about we do one now?"

Alex smiled and nodded excitedly. "If you want to Liv?" 

Olivia agreed. She was nervous, knowing that you can never take the health of a fetus for granted, but she knew a positive outcome at this stage would help her greatly to settle.

"Do you want to know the sex?" the doctor asked. "If we can tell? It's not always obvious until 18 or 20 weeks."

"No!" Olivia replied firmly. "Unless you want to know, Alex?" she turned to her lover.

Alex shook her head. "I'd like it to be a a surprise," she said, surprising herself with her reaction. She had always imagined she would want to know.

Olivia tried not to gasp as the cold gel was applied.

"We really should keep this in a warmer place," the doctor smiled. After a few minutes, she smiled again. She pointed to the screen. "It's all looking good, everything's where it should be. You want to meet your baby?" she pointed at the screen.

Olivia gazed in wonderment. She had seen endless scans, from friends, from the tv, in movies. But this baby was in her belly. It was part of her. It was part of _them_, she thought. "Look Alex," she turned to Alex, and was shocked to see tears streaming down her face.

Alex was completely overcome. She had not expected to feel so strongly, but the sight of their baby, moving around on the screen, was overwhelming. The more she tried to remain composed, the harder it was.

Olivia reached out and took her hand. "Are you okay, Alex?" she asked softly.

Alex could only nod, unable to speak.

"You want a print-out of this?" the doctor asked.

"Yes please," Olivia replied, her gaze still fixed on her lover.

The doctor smiled. "I'll do you two copies," she said. "So you can have one each."

"Thank you," Alex was at last able to speak, but the tears continued to fall.

Olivia got re-dressed, and turned to Alex. She took both of her hands. "Hey, Alex," her tone was gentle. "What's all this about?"

Alex sniffed and gazed at Olivia as if she were the most wondrous thing she had ever seen. "You. This," she replied, none-too coherently. "There's a person in there," she laid her hand across Olivia's belly. "A whole person."

Olivia grinned. "A small person," she teased lightly.

"I just... I never thought this would happen. Not for me. I thought... My mother always told me I would be an outcast. I'd never have a family of my own. But I have," she said, a little defiantly. "A real family. Even without the baby, I've still got a family. One that matters to me more than anything. You're my family, Liv."

"And Sarah," Olivia reminded her mildly. "And Graham and Carla and the kids."

Alex nodded happily. "Nobody can judge us. We're just as capable of making families."

"I know, Alex," Olivia said gently. "And this baby is going to make us even stronger as a family. We're going to love being moms."


	30. Chapter 30

**[Many thanks to all for the reviews. Smut warning, don't read if it's not your thing!]**

"So why are you looking so smug?" Olivia smiled as she looked at Alex, who was sitting on the couch apparently making notes in her diary.

"Six months!" Alex grinned. She tapped her pencil on the page. "Today. It's six months. Six months exactly. Six months since I knocked my girlfriend up!"

Olivia smiled back. "Yeah," she ran her hand absentmindedly over her ever-growing bump. "It doesn't seem that long. Though on some days, it seems like this has been going on for ever."

"You're feeling okay?" Alex was instantly on the alert.

"Never better," Olivia grinned as she sat next to the blonde and rested her hand on Alex's knee. "Never _fatter_, either," she grimaced.

"You don't have an ounce of fat on you," Alex protested. She caressed Olivia's belly lovingly. "_That_ is all baby."

"You would know, I swear you've bought every baby book that has ever been written. You're the city's foremost expert on babies now. You could leave the legal world behind and set up as the new Dr Spock!"

Alex smiled. "I just think it pays to be prepared," she said. "We don't want anything to take us by surprise."

"I love that you're so interested, I think it's wonderful. And it makes life easier for me, I don't have to do any of the work, I can just ask you if I want to know something. I have a question right now, as it happens," Olivia's smile widened.

"Oh you do, do you detective? Just what is it you want to know?" Alex asked.

"What time does your niece get back today? I only ask because I need to know if we're going to be interrupted," Olivia's voice had dropped an octave and the hand she had placed on Alex's knee started to travel north up the blonde's jean-clad inner thigh. She leant forward and kissed Alex, so tenderly that it elicited a helpless whimper.

"Perhaps we should take this into the bedroom," Alex felt the heat rising in her cheeks. "Sarah said she'd be back mid-afternoon, but that could be any time really. And I don't want to share _these_," lovingly she cupped Olivia's breasts through her shirt, "with anyone."

Olivia nodded and got to her feet, pulling Alex with her.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Alex had always loved to undress her girlfriend, and her excitement only grew with every day of the pregnancy. Each day now, it seemed that Olivia's body was ripening further, their precious child carried under that soft, perfect skin of her belly. Alex loved to peel off layer after layer of clothing until Olivia was wearing only her bra and panties.

Olivia knew the pleasure that Alex got from her changing shape, and she loved it. Her own libido was barely under control, and she wanted Alex's touch on her at all times. Earlier that week she had been unable to concentrate at work, and made a weak excuse to go to Alex's office at lunch time. There, she had dragged her into her private bathroom, hardly able to wait until the door was locked before her mouth was on Alex's sweet, welcoming mouth. By the time she had dragged off Alex's soaked panties, both women were gasping with ecstasy. They came against each other twice, in quick succession, in a matter of minutes.

Olivia had apologized to Alex afterwards, mortified that she hadn't been able to make it until the end of the day without the delicious sensations that Alex elicited in her. Alex had just chuckled and given her a kiss that was so mind-blowing that Olivia had become impossibly aroused again; she dragged Alex's hand back between her legs and had to muffle her own cry of release as she came yet again. She had tried to ignore Elliot's smirk when she returned to the squad room; she had forgotten that he was used to the passions of the pregnant woman.

Now Olivia was standing in front of Alex, in just her underwear, and Alex rejoiced that their lovemaking could be relaxed and leisurely. They both knew that Sarah was used to returning home to find their bedroom door shut, the only hint of their presence a strip of light under the door and the occasional giggle and thump.

"You bought a new set," Alex's mouth was dry as she fingered Olivia's delicate panties.

Olivia nodded. "I know how much you like it when I do," she whispered, her own hands working at Alex's jeans. The top button popped open, and Olivia slid her hand down the fly, enjoying the sensation as the fly buttons followed. Alex knew how Olivia loved it when she had a button-down fly. Olivia couldn't explain why, but as each button popped open, her desire rose.

"Red really suits you," Alex said in a low voice, both hands resting on Olivia's belly. She looked up at her in wonder. "Has The Rookie kicked much today?" she asked.

Olivia smiled; Alex had taken to calling their baby The Rookie. Olivia had tried to scold her for the nickname, but in truth, she found it almost unbearably cute. She nodded. "He's off duty now," she smiled gently.

"Or she," Alex reminded her.

Olivia nodded. "Or she," she agreed. She slid Alex's jeans down her slim thighs, her hand grazing sodden panties as she did. "Looks like somebody's ready for this," she said.

Alex's throat tightened; she cupped Olivia's breasts through her bra, feeling impossibly hard nipples through the silk fabric. "I'm not the only one," her always husky voice was deeper than ever. She reluctantly released Olivia's breasts while she reached behind her to unfasten her bra. Slowly, never taking her eyes off Olivia's face, she pulled the soft fabric down and dropped it tantalizingly on the ground. "Oh Liv," she croaked. "These are... these...," she dipped her head and her tongue darted out, teasing a rock-hard nub.

Olivia moaned; the slightest touch on her breasts drove her wild. She cupped the back of Alex's head, and pulled her back down. "You can't stop now," her breathing quickened. "You've got to... oh my God Alex," she squeaked, as Alex took the nipple fully into her mouth, allowing her tongue to flick against it before releasing it.

Alex grinned at the disappointed look on Olivia's face. She bent down again, and opened her mouth again, suckling and tonguing, then breaking off and blowing teasingly on the turgid peak.

Olivia felt her center flooding. "Alex," she pulled desperately at Alex's shirt, dragging it over her head, palming the bra-less breasts.

"Bed," Alex pushed her lover gently towards their large bed, holding her in her strong arms as she lowered her down. She grinned at the look of desperation on Olivia's face.

"Alex, please," Olivia was not above begging. "I'm so close. I can't hold back," she reached out and tried to pull Alex's panties down.

Alex gently but firmly removed Olivia's hand. "This one's just for you," she breathed, as she took Olivia's tortured nipple in her mouth. "You deserve to be spoiled," she nipped and suckled, delighting at Olivia's whimpering. As Olivia's hips began to rock, Alex released her nipple, keeping her lips pressed to her lover's flesh as she kissed the gulf between Olivia's breasts. She made her way over to the left breast, her fingers tweaking the wet right nipple. Alex put a gentle hand on Olivia's hips as she teased both breasts. "Try and relax, Liv, we're nearly there. I just want to make this one special."

Olivia thought she might explode with the feelings that Alex aroused in her. Despite Alex's attempts to keep her still, she was rocking rhythmically, moaning with each undulation of her hips.

"It's okay, Olivia," Alex's breathing was shortening, her face flushed. "Just wait... I'm here for you," slowly she made her way down Olivia's ripe body, her hands caressing Olivia's belly. She grinned as she reached the apex between Olivia's legs. Very gently, she pulled her legs apart, and almost came herself at the sight of Olivia's ripe folds. Her arousal was unmistakable. Alex put a hand either side of Olivia's hips, trying to still her movements a little. "Just a moment, Liv," Alex whispered. "Wait," her tongue flicked out and she lapped at the nectar that was pooling. "Okay," Alex released her hold, as her tongue plundered Olivia's depths, joined by two pumping fingers.

Olivia screamed as Alex worked her magic, her hand fisting in Alex's hair as she tried to drag her further into herself. Her climax was overwhelming, and she thrust wildly into Alex's face. Olivia dragged Alex up and kissed her passionately, as she crested again and again, tasting herself on Alex's mouth.

Alex was only just behind Olivia, and when she felt Olivia's muscled thigh work itself between her legs as they kissed, she jerked uncontrollably against the warm flesh, her cries melding with Olivia's as she came.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"That was...," Olivia couldn't find the words. "I mean... you are... You're exquisite, Alexandra. Only you could do that to me."

"I wouldn't want to do it to anyone else," Alex said. "I never have, Liv. Bed has never been like that before. Not until I met you."

Olivia nodded, and kissed her gently. She stroked her cheek. "I don't know what I would have done... if I hadn't met you."

"We were always going to meet, Liv," Alex said. "We had to. You're part of me. I'm incomplete without you. You make me who I am."

Olivia nodded, her emotions raw. "You too, Alexandra," she told her. "You've turned my life on its head. I never imagined being this happy. I never thought I'd be part of a family. I never thought I'd _have_ a family," she caressed her bump. She kissed Alex again. "I was always scared before," she admitted. "Nothing scares me any more. Not being with you," she amended. "That scares me more than anything ever has, the thought that we might not be together for ever."

Alex took her hand, intertwining their fingers. "We'll always be together," she whispered, as she snuggled up to Olivia.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Olivia hugged Sarah tightly. She looked at the teenager's face, and was relieved to see only happiness in it. She and Alex had both worried how Sarah would handle being away from her parents on Thanksgiving for the first time. But she seemed to be coping well, and was genuinely happy to be with her aunts.

"I have a gift for you," Sarah said, a little shyly. "It's not much, but I wanted you both to know how grateful I am. That today, the thing I'm grateful for is you two. Family. A family that I love, and that loves me back," her voice cracked. She passed a small parcel to Olivia, who took it wordlessly.

She sat on the couch, with Alex next to her, and they opened it together. The parcel contained a beautiful antique silver photo frame.

"I thought perhaps you could put a baby picture in there, or something," Sarah said hesitantly. "I mean, once the baby comes, there'll be photos everywhere, right?" she looked a little anxious.

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "Damned hormones," she laughed. "Sarah, it's perfect. It's wonderful. But I have a better idea. Here, sit," she guided Sarah and sat her down on the couch in the middle. "Alex, you sit one side of Sarah. I'm going to get the camera."

In minutes, Olivia was back. She positioned the camera on the corner of a table, and looked through the viewfinder. Dissatisfied, she looked round, and saw a pile of Alex's law books. She placed these under the camera and looked again. She removed one of the books, and peered through again, smiling with satisfaction. "Are you ready?" she asked them.

"Just press the button, Benson," Alex said drily.

Olivia grinned as she pressed the timer. She sprinted over to the couch, and sat the other side of Sarah, jokingly laying her legs over both Sarah and Alex as they met in a group hug. "Olivia, you're crazy," Sarah said, and they were all laughing as the shutter went.

Alex leapt up and grabbed the camera, pressing buttons so that she could see the photo. She found that she was blinking back tears. She looked up. "It's beautiful," she said. She passed the camera to Sarah, who held it so that Olivia could see too. The three women looked so happy, love and laughter clear in all their faces.

"That's definitely going in the frame," Olivia declared.

"I'm glad you thought of the timer," Sarah remarked.

"We had to use the timer," Olivia said mildly. "A photo's no good without the whole family."

"Hey!" Alex shouted. "We nearly forgot. We have a gift for you too, don't we Liv?"

Olivia nodded.

Alex passed a small, gift-wrapped box to Sarah, which she unwrapped eagerly, withdrawing a key.

"I don't understand?" Sarah said.

Alex sat by her and took her hand. "We know your mom took your car when you left," she said. "And you've not even mentioned it. Liv and I went out last week and we bought a new car, as the one we've got will be too small once The Rookie's here," she smiled. "So this is the key to our old car. To _your_ car. May it bring you much happiness."

"Oh God," Sarah started to weep. "I can't. I can't take that. You've given me too much already. I don't deserve it."

Olivia sat on her other side. "The only thing you don't deserve is the treatment you've had from your mother," she spoke gently and kindly. "We both know what a difference it makes to have a car when you're a student. Take it, please. It will make us so happy."

Sarah looked stunned, and then slowly nodded. "Thank you," she whispered. "I swear I'll make it up to you."

"Oh you will," Alex teased lightly. "When we need a babysitter. Or when The Rookie needs a new diaper!"

"There's one more thing," Olivia said. "Graham asked me to give this to you, Alexandra." She handed over a thick envelope.

"What's this?" Alex asked.

"Open it and find out," Olivia grinned.

"You know what's in here, don't you?" Alex demanded.

Olivia nodded.

"Give me a hint!" Alex's fingers fumbled at the envelope.

"Just read it Counselor," Olivia's tone was light. "I think it'll make you happy. Read the letter first."

Alex pulled out a letter, in Graham's messy handwriting.

_Hey Ali-Baba!_

_I know, I know, you keep telling me I should learn to type. Or learn to write legibly. But we both know I'm never going to do either, so you're going to have to struggle through._

_It's like this, sis. This country's getting better, and things are changing. But Carla and I, we don't think it's changing fast enough. By the time Benson Jr goes to college, I'm hoping that we'll have full equality._

_Until we do, we have to do what we can to make life easier. So, until the beautiful Olivia has finished with my little swimmers, I'm changing my name. It's only temporary, and it's not as good as having both your names on the birth certificate. And I'm never going to use the name, believe me, that would just be too weird. But until Olivia stops popping out babies, my name will be Alex Cabot. So you can, truthfully, put Alex Cabot as the father on the birth certificate. I'm hoping one day, they'll be issuing certificates with two mothers. Or two fathers. This is as close as we're going to get right now._

_Carla offered to change her name to Priscilla Gladys Muriel Hoppenstoffer III so that I wouldn't be alone with the new name, but I decided that we didn't need to go that far. This time._

_I love you, Ali-Baba. And I love your gorgeous girlfriend too, probably more than I should. But Carla tells me it's okay for me to lust after her as she knows you'd break my knees if I ever tried anything._

_Gray_

_xxx_

Alex finished reading, and then started flicking through the rest of the papers, which were duplicates of all the paperwork involved with Graham's name change. "He's actually done it?" Alex whispered, tears streaming down her cheek.

Olivia nodded. "Carla called me a couple of months back, asked if you'd mind. I said you'd be thrilled. You are happy about it, Alex?" she looked anxious.

Alex flung her arms round Olivia. "Today just keeps getting better," she whispered. She pulled a slightly bemused but nevertheless happy Sarah into the group hug. "Our family."


	31. Chapter 31

"The Rookie's active tonight," Alex grinned as she snuggled up to Olivia one Friday evening.

"Don't I just know it?" Olivia grimaced, as she shifted, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Just seven weeks to go," Alex said gently. She knew how uncomfortable Olivia often was, plus they were both impatient to meet their child.

"I know, great, huh?" Olivia smiled. "We're going to be parents. That's quite a scary thought, isn't it?"

Alex nodded. "You're going to be exhausted," she said. "I'm going to do everything I can to help, Liv, I hope you know that?"

"Of course I do," Olivia replied. "You're going to be a wonderful mom. You've taken care of me so beautifully these last few months. It's time I did something for _you_."

"You're having our baby, that's the best thing I could ever ask of you," Alex kissed her softly, continuing in a serious voice. "Liv, there's something I need to tell you."

"Yes Alex?" Olivia was immediately concerned.

"It's nothing to worry about," Alex said quickly. "I just wanted to … God, I hate the expression, but with the baby on its way, I thought I should 'put things in order'. Everything legal. Just in case. I know nothing's going to happen, to either of us. But my legal training means I have this need to have everything organized, for the worst-case scenario."

"Okay, honey," Olivia said. "Whatever you need."

"I'm seeing my attorney tomorrow morning, so that you and The Rookie, and Sarah of course, get everything. And I went to the bank on Monday. All that money from Daddy is now in a joint account."

Olivia stiffened a little. "I don't need your money, Alex," she said.

"I know that," Alex replied. "Truly, I do. I don't really want that money either. But if something were to happen to me, and you needed to get at the money. If I had a bad accident, for example, you'd need it to pay the medical bills. It just means you've got access."

"That's a lot of money to trust someone with," Olivia said.

"There's nothing I wouldn't trust you with Liv. I trust you with my life. With my happiness. With our child," Alex's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh Alexandra, I'm sorry. I'm just being dumb, I know. I know you trust me, just as I trust you. That was a really stupid thing to say. I suppose I just didn't want to think about all that cash."

"I don't like to think about it either," Alex admitted. "But I do want everything put in order. And once it's all signed, we can forget about it all."

"Okay, honey, you're right. And I can put the money from Mom's house in there too, so all our assets are in one place. I'm sure your accountant will advise us what to do with it."

"He will," Alex agreed. "So can you come with me tomorrow? The attorney says he'll need you for about a half hour, to sign things, and then I'll have to spend a further hour with him. We can get some lunch afterward, and forget all about it. Let's go to Trattoria Verde, that's just by his office."

"Sure," Olivia replied. "Hey, does that mean it's close to Sarah's bookstore? We could pick up those books she needs for college. I know what, I'll go to the store after the attorney's finished with me, and by the time I get back, you'll likely have finished."

"That sounds great," Alex smiled. "I'm sorry to waste half the weekend, but I just want this all out of the way before The Rookie arrives," she caressed Olivia's belly tenderly.

Olivia smiled as Alex's hand wandered to the buttons on her nightshirt and started to unbutton it. Alex pulled the sides of the over-sized shirt apart and gazed lovingly at Olivia's ever-growing bump. "You don't have a single stretch mark," she said in a voice of wonder.

"Oh it'll happen," Olivia laughed. "I think I've only escaped so far thanks to your work with the body oil."

Alex grinned, reaching for the bottle of oil on the nightstand. "Is that an invitation, detective?" she asked. Olivia knew that she loved gently massaging the oil into her soft flesh.

"Oh God yes," Olivia lay back. "Any excuse to have your hands on me."

"I may not be able to contain myself when I'm done with the oil," Alex's voice was even huskier than usual.

"That's very good news," Olivia's tone was flirtatious.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"I'll see you in an hour," Alex squeezed Olivia's hand as she left the attorney's office. "You've got Sarah's list, right?"

Olivia nodded. "I'll meet you in the lobby," she said.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Just over an hour later, Alex left her attorney's office and headed to the lobby, which was still empty. She settled herself down on the client couch, knowing that Olivia's list was long, and that she would not leave until she had found every book she needed.

"Alex!" a voice rang out.

Alex's blood ran cold. She looked up to see the face of her estranged sister.

"What are you doing here?" her sister Carolyn asked, in a cold voice. "You can't stop us, you know."

"Stop what?" Alex was barely civil. "Carolyn, as usual you are making no sense."

"Stop us. Mother is up there. She's signing the papers."

"_What_ papers?" Alex was impatient.

"Cutting you out," Carolyn seemed to be enjoying this just a little too much. "She's cut you off from the Cabot money."

Alex snorted. "I know _that_, and it doesn't interest me. She can sign any papers she wants. Mother has made it clear I'm not part of her life, and quite frankly that's fine with me. I have no interest whatsoever in her legal arrangements."

"So what are you doing here?" Carolyn insisted. "You haven't come here to try and stop her?"

"I am here on my own account," Alex replied icily. "And the details of my visit are no concern of yours. Just know that they are nothing to do with you, or Mother. I know I am no longer part of your family, and that suits me just fine. I have my own family now, and I can tell you I have never been happier."

"Oh my God, you're still with that... _cop_," Carolyn exploded. "Really Alex, why are you doing this to yourself? Can't you see what's happening? Don't you know she's just using you? She's _blue collar_, for Christ's sakes."

Alex stood up, balling her fists by her side. She didn't have a violent bone in her body, but she had to force herself not to slap her sister. Her voice was low and dangerous. "I know exactly what is happening. My life is fuller and happier than ever. It's certainly fuller and happier than yours will ever be. I am loved by the kindest, smartest, most honest, most compassionate person I have ever met," tears of relief sprang to her eyes as she spotted Olivia coming across the lobby toward her. "I would die for her," she spat. "As she would for me. Now let me pass before I do something I regret."

Carolyn looked over and saw Olivia, and then did an almost comical double-take when she saw the brunette's pregnant belly. She then looked down and saw the bags in Olivia's hand, which bore the name of the specialist bookstore where her daughter had gotten her books before she had had to leave college. She went white. "She's with you, isn't she?" she immediately realized where her estranged daughter was living. "Sarah's with you?"

Olivia reached out and took Alex's hand. "Sarah is with people who love her," Olivia spoke for the first time. "People who want the best for her. People who love her for what and who she is. It's just a shame she had to leave home to find that. C'mon Alex," she pulled her stunned lover toward the door. "We have better things to do."

Alex nodded, her grip on Olivia's hand fierce.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Can we just go home?" Alex spoke in little more than a whisper. "Please?"

"Of course we can," Olivia was gentle. She could feel Alex trembling. "The car's right here."

Alex was silent in the car on the way home, and she was grateful when the apartment was empty on their return.

Olivia didn't push Alex, knowing she would talk when she was ready. "Tea?" she suggested lightly.

Alex nodded.

"You light the fire, I'll make the tea," Olivia said.

Once the tea was ready, Olivia went into the living room where Alex sat rigidly on the couch by the lit fire.

Olivia put both mugs on the side table, and put both hands out to Alex. Unquestioningly, Alex took her hands, and allowed Olivia to pull her up. She put up no argument as Olivia guided her to the huge, soft leather chair, the only thing she had brought from her own apartment. Olivia sat down first, and pulled Alex to her so that they were snuggled in tight together. "There's not so much room now," Olivia joked.

Alex looked at her and smiled a little sadly. "I blame The Rookie," she said.

Olivia passed her a mug of tea, and was relieved to feel her relaxing as she drank.

"I'm sorry," Alex said after a while.

"For what?"

"For putting you through this. My crazy family. Though they're not family to me any more, just Graham and Carla and the kids."

Olivia wrapped both her arms around Alex and held her tight. "You don't ever have to be sorry," she whispered, dropping a kiss on her head. "You have brought me more joy than I could ever deserve."

"Did you hear what she said?" Alex sounded a little fearful.

"Some," Olivia admitted. "But I don't care. Truly I don't. Not in the least. I have no respect at all for her opinion, so what she says doesn't interest me in the slightest. We're happy, aren't we Alexandra?"

Alex nodded. "So happy," she whispered, her palm on Olivia's bump. "And it's only going to get better."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Lunch?" Olivia suggested an hour later.

"I'll make it," Alex offered.

"We'll make it together," Olivia said.

After they had eaten and cleared up, Alex noticed that Olivia had gone a little quiet. "Are you okay, Liv?" she asked. "You feel okay?"

Olivia smiled at her and nodded. "I'm great, and so's The Rookie. Come with me," she put out a hand which Alex took, and led her to the couch, sitting next to her.

"I know I'm supposed to kneel for this," Olivia smiled. "But I'm just too fat for that right now. I wanted to do this at the restaurant, in a romantic setting, with wine and soft music and all that. And I know we can't even do this, in this state, not yet. But I don't think it will be all that long before it's legal."

Alex swallowed, suddenly realizing what was happening.

"I love you," Olivia continued, her gaze unwavering. "I only really feel complete when you're with me. Sometimes I imagine what life would be like without you, and that thought scares me more than anything ever has. I want to marry you, Alexandra Cabot. When the state finally wakes up and allows us. Would you do me the very great honor of becoming my wife?"

She had barely finished speaking when Alex flung her arms around her neck, crying "yes, yes, a thousand times, yes."

Olivia looked at Alex, to see her face streaming with tears. She leant forward and kissed her softly. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a box, which she opened and offered to Alex. Alex gasped at the beautiful, delicate diamond ring inside. "Oh my God," Alex whispered.

Olivia grinned a little bashfully. "I saw this in an antiques shop, and I knew I wanted to put it on your finger one day. I had to save up for a while, but all the best things in life are worth waiting for, at least that's what I thought. Of course," she teased, "this was before you made me a millionaire. If I'd known then...," she ducked as Alex swatted her playfully.

Alex couldn't stop staring at the ring. "You put it on me," she whispered. She watched as Olivia took it out of the box and slid it on her finger. As it passed the knuckle, Alex couldn't suppress a loud sob.

"It's perfect, Liv," she whispered. "I've never seen anything so beautiful. I'll never take it off," she turned her hand in the light. "You saved a long time for this," she said. "You didn't need to spend that sort of money on me."

"I had to," Olivia said simply. "It just called out to me. The store owner put it to one side for me, he was real kind. I'll have to call him on Monday. He made me promise to let him know what your answer was."

"You can tell him your fiancée loves his ring," Alex smiled through her tears. "And that she loves you."


	32. Chapter 32

"Damn," Alex hung up the phone. She knew there was no point in checking her diary; next Tuesday was an ante-natal appointment, and she had never yet missed a single one. But now Ricky Waterson's trial had been brought forward, and the dates clashed.

Alex had been promised that this trial would not be until late February, a full month after their child was due. She knew she was entitled to pass it over to another ADA, but she also knew how much Olivia had invested in the case, and she had promised her that she would handle it personally.

Ricky Waterson was scum, and the case had shaken Olivia badly. Any time a child was involved, Olivia took it to heart, and this case was particularly evil. Serial rapist Waterson had forced his 13-year-old daughter to watch while he raped, and then strangled her mother. He had then, horrifyingly, raped her and she would have suffered the same fate as her mother if Olivia hadn't burst in just in time. The case was strong, there was no way he could even cop a plea; nobody wanted to see that monster out on the streets again. So Alex knew she would not be jeopardizing anything if she didn't take it on. She called Olivia.

"I want you to take the case," Olivia pleaded. "It's just a routine appointment, Alex. This one is so important," her breathing hitched. "That poor girl. Moira. She'll be in therapy all her life, if she's lucky. Her sister doesn't seem to care. Please, Alexandra. I need you to take the case. I need to know that Moira has the best on her side."

"Okay, Liv," Alex agreed. "You're taking it easy, right?" she nagged.

"I'm bored," Olivia said, and Alex laughed.

"I can hear you pouting. This is the first day of your maternity leave, Olivia. This baby had better come soon, or you're going to have a very long three weeks."

"I'm missing you," Olivia told her. "At work I see you regularly."

"I'll be home before 6pm, I swear. I can work from the apartment tonight."

"You have to work?" Olivia tried to keep the whining tone out of her voice.

"Just for a couple of hours. After that you have my full attention. Whatever you want."

"_Whatever_?" Olivia's voice dropped an octave.

"Whatever," Alex promised. "I'll do anything I can to keep you entertained."

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

"Well," Alex rolled on to her back, a wide smile on her face. "I have to say, detective, pregnancy definitely suits you," she ran a soft hand lovingly down the side of Olivia's soft breast.

"We should make the most of this," Olivia was panting slightly. "As soon as The Rookie puts in an appearance, sex is gonna come right off the menu."

"New Rookie, no nookie?" Alex grinned, feeling smug at her very poor pun.

Olivia pulled a face. "You did _not_ just say that," she complained.

Alex nodded, still grinning. "What?" she pretended surprise. "You don't like my poetry?"

Olivia turned to face her, suddenly serious. "I love your poetry," her voice was soft and tender. "Your _real_ poetry. You've written me some beautiful poems."

Alex blushed. "I'm not much of a poet," she mumbled. "I just... sometimes... you're poetry to me Liv. To my soul. I can't help it; when I see something beautiful, it makes me think of you. It can be something so simple, like a falling leaf. Or a baby's laugh. Your heart is so pure Olivia, and God alone knows how that's possible, with all that you see every day."

"You see it too, Lex," Olivia kissed her tenderly.

Alex shook her head. "Not in the way you do."

"That's why I have to go back to work, at some point," Olivia's voice was gentle. "There's so much horror out there, I need to do what little I can to make it better."

"I know, and I do understand. You must do whatever you need, Olivia. You," she caressed her swollen belly gently, "are going to be a wonderful mother. You'll be even better if you're fulfilled. Maybe we can both work part time? We'll work it out."

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

"You'll call me, as soon as you're done?" Alex demanded as she left for work.

Olivia shook her head, laughing. "No, Alex, I won't call you. You'll be in court. I'll text you to let you know it all went fine, and you can check your phone on your first recess. Deal?"

"Deal," Alex looked a little shamefaced.

Olivia took her in her arms and kissed her very softly, being careful not to smear her make-up. "I know you want to be there every step of the way. And you have been. But this case is just so important."

"I'll do my best," Alex promised.

"I know, sweetheart. Now get to work, woman!" Olivia smiled. "And I'll text, before I even leave the clinic, I swear."

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

'_The Rookie and I are both disgustingly healthy. We, and Sarah, will see you later. xoxoxo_.' Alex read her text message, and smiled warmly. The case was going well, and would be concluded before the end of the following week, she surmised.

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

"Did you get a picture?" Alex demanded, even before she took off her coat.

Olivia took her in her arms and kissed her thoroughly.

"The picture's here!" Sarah called from down the hallway.

Alex looked at the scan picture in awe. "Our baby," she whispered, putting an arm round Olivia.

Olivia smiled. "Our baby," she agreed. "21st January," she added.

"I thought it was the 19th?"

"They're saying 21st now," Olivia told her. "But you can never be sure anyway. Here, sit," she pushed Alex gently into a chair in the kitchen. "I cooked. We already ate," she looked apologetic.

"I'm glad to hear it," Alex looked ruefully at her watch, noting that it was nearly 9pm. "I'm so sorry I'm so late, Liv," she tried to stifle a yawn.

"How was it?" Olivia asked, as she set a plate in front of the blonde.

"Good, I think. I mean, it's going well. Poor Moira, having to go through it all."

Olivia stood behind Alex, and rubbed her hand up her spine. "You're so tense," she said.

Alex nodded. "It's been rough," she admitted as she ate. "But we'll get the result we need, I'm sure of that."

"That still won't help Moira," Olivia said sadly. "That poor girl. Was her sister there?"

Alex shook her head. "She told Moira she didn't have time," tears gathered in her eyes.

"She's barely 15 now," Olivia was appalled.

Alex nodded. "I called children's services. They say there's not much they can do. She has a therapist, who'll be available to her until she's 18. She goes most weeks, apparently. It's something, Liv. Not enough, I know."

Olivia's fingers worked into Alex's neck. "We'll always be there for our child," her voice shook. "Alex?" she sounded a little tentative.

"Yes sweetheart?" Alex rolled her neck, as it cracked satisfactorily.

"You'll never guess who I met today. At the clinic."

"Who?"

"Rebecca Evans. Do you remember her?"

"Is that the doctor who stitched you up after...?" Alex was reluctant to finish her sentence.

"After the Nazi case, yes, her," Olivia said.

"So she's moved into obstetrics now, huh?" Alex mused.

Olivia smiled. "Nope, she was there as a patient. She's having another baby."

"Oh that's wonderful," Alex smiled. "I liked her. She was good to you," she remembered that awful night.

"It is... and in some ways it isn't," Olivia looked grave as she sat in the next chair, suddenly looking small and scared.

"Liv?" Alex took her hand. "What is it, honey?"

"Her baby. It has Down's Syndrome," Olivia explained. "She's come to terms with it, says her husband has too. How do you cope with something like that Lex? We've never really talked about it. We didn't have the amnio. We can't be sure this baby's gonna be okay," a fat tear rolled down her cheek.

Alex cupped her cheek softly. "We'd know by now, they'd know from the other tests. The width of the neck, for one."

"But there could still be something," Olivia's face crumpled, as she tried to stifle a sob.

"Olivia, look at me. You're right. We can never be sure. We've always known that. But," Alex gentled her cheek, "there is one thing I _am_ sure of. Whatever the future holds, we'll cope. We'll face it together. We have enough love."

Olivia nodded. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I was going to take care of you tonight," she kissed her. "I still want to. Sarah's working on her project tonight, will you let me draw you a bath? Once you're relaxed, I want to give you a proper massage, help you sleep. You don't need to do any more work today, do you?"

"I should go over my notes..." Alex hesitated. She smiled lovingly at Olivia. "I'll just get up a half hour early tomorrow. That sounds like bliss, Liv."

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

_**A week later**_

"It's from Rebecca's husband," Olivia showed the phone to Alex. "She's had a girl."

"That's fantastic news!" Alex took her in her arms.

"It's been a great day," Olivia said. "First that animal Waterson is convicted, and now this. John says we can visit whenever we want. He sounds so happy. Can we go tomorrow? Will you be working late?"

"I'll leave early, 3pm. That sounds great," Alex said. "I'll stop by the baby store on my way home, they have such cute stuff in there."

"Are you sure that's okay?" Olivia asked.

"Totally," Alex said. "They owe me the time."

"They certainly do, you haven't been home before 9pm for ten days now," Olivia said. "You don't have to come, wouldn't you rather just go home and catch up on some sleep? I can go alone."

Alex shook her head. "I can only sleep properly with you beside me," she looked a little embarrassed at the admission.

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

"You want to hold her?" Rebecca asked Olivia.

Olivia nodded, her eyes shining with emotion. Rebecca passed the small infant over to the detective, who took her carefully. Olivia looked down at the small bundle nestled in the crook of her arm. "She's so beautiful," her voice was full of awe. "So perfect," she traced a finger gently down the baby's soft cheek.

"She's so good, too," Rebecca said. "She hardly cries. She loves being held. We're so lucky, aren't we John?" she reached out for her husband's hand.

John, a ruggedly handsome landscape gardener, just nodded. He couldn't keep his eyes off his baby daughter.

"They're still doing tests?" Alex asked gently.

Rebecca nodded. "She's done really well in all of them. There's no reason why she can't have a full and happy life."

Olivia looked up and saw the love and happiness in her new friends' eyes. She smiled. "She's so perfect, I don't want to give her back to you."

"You'll have your own hands full soon enough," Rebecca laughed. "When's this one making his debut?" she patted Olivia's belly.

"Eleven days," Alex answered for Olivia. "We can't wait."

"There's nothing quite like holding your baby, for the first time," John spoke at last. "You think you know what love is...," he swiped a tear from his eye, and then laughed at himself. "Sorry," he said.

Rebecca grinned. "He always gets mushy," she looked over at her husband. "Maybe that's why he's such a good father."

**$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a**

"We'll be okay," Olivia said, as they left the hospital. She reached out and took Alex's hand.

"Of course we will," Alex squeezed her fingers. "We have so much love to give this baby. I can't wait to meet him. Or her."

"Are you sorry we haven't asked the sex?" Olivia asked her.

Alex shook her head. "No. It's exciting. Don't you think?"

"Definitely," Olivia agreed. "There's a whole person in here, almost ready to meet us."

"Our family," Alex smiled. "You, me, Sarah. And The Rookie."

Olivia kissed her.


	33. Chapter 33

"It's just for a few hours," Alex said to a pouting Olivia on that Saturday morning.

"I know," Olivia was glum. She had been looking forward to having Alex around for the whole day. Being on maternity leave, she got extremely bored during the week, and relished every moment that Alex was with her. "Work has to come first."

Alex shook her head. "_You_ come first. Every time," she was sincere. "If it was a choice between you and work, I'd resign. I'd _retire_," she laughed. "But you'll be here when I get back, or at least I hope you will. You may decide to find another woman to spend the day with!"

Olivia laughed. "Never," she said. "No-one comes close to you. I'll see you soon, huh?"

"You will," Alex promised. She took Olivia in her arms and kissed her tenderly. "That's just to remind you where your loyalties lie," she teased.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"That'll be for me," Sarah said when the doorbell rang an hour later.

Olivia looked at her quizzically. "You've got friends coming over?"

Sarah grinned. "Something like that," she was nonchalant as she went to the door, smiling widely as Gracie cannoned through as soon as she opened it, and flung herself at Olivia who was still on the couch.

"Gracie!" Olivia hugged her as best as she could with her huge belly in the way. She looked up. "Melinda? Rosie? What's going on? Did I forget something?"

Rosie laughed and approached Olivia. She put out both hands. "Up," she demanded, cryptically.

Olivia allowed her to pull her to her feet. "What's going on?"

"There's a cab waiting for you outside," Rosie told her, as Melinda freed the toddler Katie from her stroller.

"A cab?" Olivia was nonplussed.

"A cab. You know. A yellow car. It takes you places," Rosie's tone was light and bantering.

"You're wanted," Melinda took pity on Olivia. "By the water. You're expected for lunch. I believe a certain ADA will be waiting for you."

"I don't understand... whoa!" Olivia cried, as Rosie handed her a bunch of big, beautiful white roses. "Where did they come from?"

"Read the card," Rosie told her.

So Olivia did.

_My darling girl. I've been promising you for so long that I'll fix up the nursery, so it's finally happening today. Sarah has got everything organized, so all you need to do is to leave her, Melinda and Rosie to it. Will you do the honor of joining me for lunch? The cab'll take you. My love, always. A. xxxx_

"I'm not dressed," Olivia said.

"Neither's Alex," Melinda reassured her. "She doesn't want you to dress fancy. She told me she's wearing jeans, so you can relax. Just wear a coat, it's cold out there."

"We're going to fix up the nursery," Gracie said proudly. "Sarah's going to tell us what to do."

"How long have you known about this?" Olivia fixed Sarah with a beady look.

"Long enough," Sarah laughed. She hugged her. "Go!" she thrust her purse and her coat at her.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Olivia arrived at the restaurant on the waterfront. She and Alex had eaten there in the early days of their relationship, and had kept promising each other that they would go back. Olivia remembered back to that day; a day that was so full of hope, of possibility. Of love. They had held hands, gazing out to the sea, making up stories about the people in the boats that went in and out of the harbor. Alex had made her cry when she pointed out a couple on an elegant wooden sloop; they were most likely in their eighties, but they seemed to work in tandem, he hauling up the sail while she held the tiller. "That'll be us," Alex had told her. "One day. I'll teach you to sail, and when we retire we'll spend all our time out on the water. We'll take our grandkids out with us, and our children will worry that we're a bad influence on their babies."

All their hopes were coming true, Olivia realized. She and Alex had been together over two years, and she had never been happier. She opened the door of the restaurant, and saw Alex sitting at the same corner booth they had occupied all that time ago. Her mouth went dry when she saw what Alex was wearing. She was wearing Olivia's favorite jeans, which had become soft and slightly threadbare over the years. They were a little baggy over Alex's butt, but somehow made the blonde attorney look even more tempting than usual. She also wore a plain, white cotton shirt; she had no make-up on, her natural beauty overwhelmingly in evidence.

"You look amazing," Olivia's words were soft.

Alex got to her feet, taking Olivia's coat and handing it to the waiter standing nearby. "So do you, Liv," she smiled. Gallantly, she took Olivia's hand and led her to her chair, pushing it in as she sat down. She handed her a white rose. "I bought you a dozen," Alex explained. "The other eleven should be at home, waiting for you."

"I saw them. They're beautiful. Just like you are."

"So," Alex smiled. "I lied to you."

"You did?" Olivia couldn't take her eyes off her lover, who looked so natural and relaxed. Alex always dressed beautifully, and she looked elegant and professional in her business suits. But Olivia preferred her like this: natural, open, unspoilt. And hot as hell. Alex's shirt was unbuttoned one more button than strictly necessary, and Olivia had to drag her eyes away. She was fairly sure from what she could see that Alex wasn't wearing a bra.

"About work," Alex reminded her.

"What about work?" Olivia had to smile when Alex leaned over and gently pulled her chin up, forcing her to look upwards. "Sorry, I just couldn't help..."

"Ogling?" Alex teased.

"So what were you saying about work?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not at work, like I told you I would be," Alex smiled.

"Of course!" Olivia realized. "But you were dressed in a suit?"

"I had to change, in the bathroom," Alex gestured to a bag at her feet. "I know you prefer me like this. And I wanted to make you happy."

"I'm at a beautiful restaurant with my stunning fiancée, I'm already happy," Olivia told her, taking her hand. "This is a wonderful surprise."

"I've been promising you for so long that I'd get the nursery fixed up."

"But it is fixed up," Olivia said. "We just need to wait until the furniture is delivered. You did order that, right?"

Alex shook her head. "No, honey, I didn't. It's okay, don't worry. I didn't order the furniture, because it was already in hand. Hand-made, in fact. Graham insisted on hand-making the crib and the changing station. And he told me he decided to throw in a bookcase as well. So they were all delivered to Rosie and Melinda's last week. That's why they're all over there, they're assembling it all, so it'll be ready when we get back. Our baby's room," she squeezed Olivia's fingers.

Olivia was stunned. "Graham did all that? And you went to such trouble too. I don't deserve you."

"There's nothing you don't deserve," Alex leant forward and kissed her. "Which brings me to the second reason for coming here. You remember that elderly couple, from when we first came here?"

Olivia nodded.

"That's what I want for us. I want for us to be together for ever. And when you asked me to marry you, and gave me this beautiful ring," she fingered the ring on her hand, "I finally believed that I could have that future. I'd never really believed it before. I always imagined being gay, my life would be somehow... wrong. I didn't think I could have a real family, not of my own. I expected I'd be the perennial aunt, godmother, whatever. But never a mom. Or a wife. And one day I'm going to be both."

"You'll be a mom real soon," Olivia smiled, gesturing at her distended belly.

"Six days from now, if everything runs to schedule," Alex had tears in her eyes.

"Which it probably won't," Olivia smiled again.

Alex smiled back at her. "No," she agreed. "It probably won't. But it'll be soon. And the very moment we are allowed to marry, I'm dragging you down that aisle."

"You won't need to drag me," Olivia whispered. "Wild horses couldn't hold me back. I want to be with you for as long as I live."

"Close your eyes," Alex said softly.

"Why?"

"Please, honey, just close them," Alex pleaded. "Just for a moment."

"'kay," Olivia shut her eyes.

Alex pulled Olivia's hand to her lips and kissed it very softly. "You have such beautiful hands," she said, caressing the fingers tenderly.

Olivia felt something hard in Alex's hand, and gasped as she felt Alex sliding cold metal on to her finger. She looked down, and saw an elegant ring on her ring finger. It was made of antique gold and, instead of the usual large gem at its center, it instead had seven small diamonds space equally all round the band. "Alex?" her voice cracked.

"I wanted you to have an engagement ring too," Alex said. "But I know you can't have anything too big, in your job. Nothing that might catch on something. And I know you don't like flashy jewelry anyway. So I had this one made. It's almost smooth. I wanted a diamond for every day of the week. I wanted you to know that I'll love you for ever, and that a day will never go by when I don't thank God that I met you. Is it okay, Liv? We can get it changed. Or maybe you don't want to wear a ring? I don't want you to..." her words were stopped with a passionate kiss from her lover.

"I've never seen anything so exquisite," Olivia said quietly. "It's perfect. You're perfect."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"We should go in," Alex said, as Olivia dangled her keys outside the door to their apartment.

"We will," Olivia said. "But I've been desperate to kiss you since I saw you in the restaurant."

"We kissed in the restaurant."

"We did," Olivia agreed. "But not like this." She took Alex's face softly in both hands, and kissed her with such tenderness and passion that Alex felt herself go weak at the knees. Alex slid her hand up to cup Olivia's head, and they made out for several long, exquisite minutes. They only broke apart when they heard the door opening from the inside.

"Auntie Alex!" Gracie called impatiently. "Auntie Livvie! Stop kissing!"

Olivia pulled back, almost doubled up with laughter. She looked down at the young girl, who stood with her hands on her hips, looking for all the world like a wife waiting at the door for her drunken husband. "I'm sorry, Gracie," she laughed.

"We saw you out of the window," Gracie told them. "And then you didn't come in. Ma said you'd be kissing."

"And I was right!" Melinda's voice rang down the hallway.

"You have to come see!" Gracie grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her inside. "We've finished it all." She pushed her toward the room that would house the baby.

Olivia gasped as she went through the door. Everything was completed; the crib, changing station and bookshelf had been assembled, the curtains she and Alex had bought were hanging. And a shyly smiling Sarah stood with a paintbrush in her hand, next to the wall which bore a likeness of Olivia's favorite cartoon character Donald Duck, standing next to his three nephews.

"Alex told me you liked them," Sarah said tentatively. "I hope that's okay?" she looked a little nervous.

"It's just wonderful," Olivia spoke quietly when she managed to speak at all, so overwhelmed as she was by what she saw. "I didn't know you were an artist!"

"Hardly an artist," Sarah shrugged self-deprecatingly. "But I'm quite good at cartoons."

"_Quite_ good?" Olivia said. "These are amazing! And look at this beautiful furniture."

"I helped Mom and Ma put it together," Gracie said proudly. "I passed them the right screwdrivers and wrenches, and Ma let me hold the sides."

Alex turned to Gracie. "Well you've done it all perfectly!" she swept the young girl up in a huge hug, swinging her round. She lifted her face to Olivia's, so Olivia could plant a kiss on her cheek. "This is all so wonderful. Thank you all."

"Yes," Olivia echoed her words. "I'm stunned. You've made me so happy," she smiled as she dashed away a tear. "You've made _us_ so happy. This baby doesn't know how lucky it is, to have such good friends even before it arrives."

"We were happy to do it," Rosie touched her arm. "We enjoyed it, didn't we G?" she winked at her daughter. A loud cry came from Olivia and Alex's bedroom. "Oooh," she grinned. "Sounds like Number Two's awake!" She strode off to the bedroom, where their 18-month-old toddler Katie was asleep on the bed, wedged in with pillows and cushions. She emerged a few moments later with the child who had awoken in a strange room and become distressed. Katie took one look at Olivia and her tears disappeared, replaced by a wide grin.

"Someone loves you Liv," Alex smiled.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Later that evening, Olivia lay on her back on the couch, her head in Alex's lap. Alex trailed her fingers absentmindedly through Olivia's soft hair.

"Dinner was great, _and_ lunch. Thank you Alex," Olivia said. She held her hand up to the light, admiring her ring afresh. "And thank you for this. This is just perfect." She reached up and caught one of Alex's hands, bringing it to her lips and kissing it. "Sarah went out, right?" she asked.

"She's gone to orchestra practise," Alex replied.

"Orchestra?" Olivia sounded surprised. "I thought she was thinking of giving that up."

"She was," Alex smiled. "But she told me that a new cellist joined last week. She says that she'll stay for a while, now that there's somebody she can duet with, with her violin. I rather suspect that it's not the cello playing that has caught her attention."

Olivia grinned. "She has other skills, huh?"

"Sarah didn't say. She was all nonchalant when she was telling me."

"Do we know anything about this mysterious cello player?" Olivia asked.

"Only that she's a 23-year-old firefighter from Queens, and that her name's Jane."

"Maybe we'll know more after tonight?"

"Maybe we will," Alex mused, still smiling. She moved her hand down and slid it carefully into Olivia's shirt.

"Hey!" Olivia squeaked, as it found its target.

"What's wrong?" Alex pretended innocence, cupping a full breast and flicking her thumb over the hardening nipple. She heard Olivia moan in pleasure. "You want me to stop?"

"No," Olivia gasped. "That's... oh my word, that's perfect."

Alex grinned, and pushed Olivia carefully from behind so that she was sitting up. She slid out from behind her, and held out her hands. "Shall we adjourn, detective?" her eyes twinkled with mischief.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**An hour later**_

Olivia turned in Alex's arms, her breathing still ragged. "That," she announced smugly. "Was the perfect end to the perfect day."

Alex smiled back, and kissed her languorously. She placed a hand over Olivia's belly. "There's a whole person in here," she said, in wonder.

"I hope so," Olivia teased. "Either that, or your girlfriend has gotten real fat recently."

"Look!" Alex squeaked, as she saw movement.

"I don't have to," Olivia said. "I can feel it!"

"Was that an elbow?"

"A foot, I think," Olivia put her hand gently to the area. "Hey Baby Cabot," she smiled. "We're going to meet you soon."

"Baby Benson," Alex said, quickly. She saw the look on Olivia's face. "I want to take your name. When we marry. I don't want to be known as one of the Cabots any more. Do you mind?"

"I don't mind, honey, whatever makes you happy. I just don't want you to think you have to do that. It's only a name. I don't care what my surname is. Just as long as I have you, that's all I care about."

"I want to be Alex Benson," Alex said. "So our babies should be Bensons too."

"Whatever makes you happy," Olivia kissed her.

"You," Alex's voice cracked. "You make me happy."


	34. Chapter 34

_**FINAL CHAPTER**_

_**Six days later**_

Olivia heard a key turn in the lock at 4.45pm that Friday afternoon. She looked down the hallway, and was unsurprised to see Alex heading toward her, a sheepish grin on her face. Olivia looked at her watch pointedly. "Working late, counselor?" she asked sarcastically.

"Anything?" Alex asked impatiently, ignoring the jibe from her lover.

Olivia took her in her arms and kissed her softly. "Nothing," she said. "The Rookie's not coming out today."

Alex pouted. "But it's your due date today."

"I know, sweetie. And I'm sure he, or she, will be here soon enough. But nothin' doing today. So you didn't need to run home early. I _told_ you I'd call as soon as anything happened."

"I know, I just couldn't keep away from you one moment longer," Alex said.

"I can come meet you for lunch on Monday, if nothing's happened by then?" Olivia sounded hopeful.

"Surely the baby will be here by then?" Alex sounded aghast. Her nerves were stretched to breaking point, every time the phone had rung at work she had jumped.

Olivia shrugged. "Babies come when they're ready, not when we are," she spoke gently. She knew how hard it was for Alex to go into work each day.

"I know," Alex was glum. She brightened. "At least I've got two whole days with you now. I hate leaving you, especially now. I know, I know, Rosie's real close."

"And Rebecca," Olivia smiled. "She came over today with baby Bethan. I didn't tell you, she's managing to breast feed her."

"I thought Downs babies couldn't breast feed?"

"It's harder, but some do manage it. And I suppose Rebecca's had a lot of practice with her other two."

"So how are they?" Alex asked. "Bethan's, what, two weeks old now?"

"Just under," Olivia told her. "She's so beautiful, Alex. And Rebecca is so happy. You know," her voice cracked a little, "if it happened, it'd be okay. We'd be okay."

"_Whatever_ happens, it's going to be okay," Alex ran her hand over Olivia's bump. "But there won't be anything wrong with this baby. Hey," she grinned as she felt the baby's foot kicking. "The Rookie's awake."

"I know," Olivia grimaced. "He's been quiet all afternoon, but whenever his other mommy comes close, he wakes up."

"He?" Alex said.

"Or she," Olivia smiled.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

Alex was brought awake by movement next to her. She heard Olivia muttering in her sleep. "Hey," Alex put her hand on Olivia's back. "Hey Liv, what's up?"

Olivia continued to mutter, her face turned away from Alex. She seemed distressed.

"Olivia?" Alex spoke a little louder, and rubbed her hand soothingly between Olivia's shoulder blades. She realized Olivia was trembling. "Liv? Are you okay? Is it the baby?"

Olivia whimpered, and jerked away from Alex's touch.

Alex sat up, panicked, and switched on the lamp on the nightstand. Very gently, she turned Olivia so that she could see her face. Olivia's eyes were closed, her face crumpled and seemingly frightened. She was asleep, Alex realized.

"No!" Olivia called out, tears starting to fall. "Please no." Blindly, she reached out and grasped Alex's nightshirt in a death grip.

"Liv?" Alex stroked her hand softly, and prised it gently off her shirt. She slid out of bed, returning in seconds with a damp washcloth that she had run under the warm water. She sat next to her lover, who, it seemed, was getting more panicky by the second. "I'm just going to wipe you down, Liv," Alex kept her voice low and soothing. She took the washcloth and ran it lovingly down Olivia's cheeks, wiping away the tears.

"No!" Olivia jerked away. "Don't touch me. You... oh my God, it's him. Leave her alone," her breathing was becoming ragged. "I... we... Lex... don't hurt..."

Concerned that Olivia might be sick, Alex put a cool hand to her forehead, relieved to find no fever. "Olivia?" she spoke more loudly. "Liv, baby, you're having a nightmare. It's not real, Liv. You're safe. We're all safe." She took the washcloth and bathed Olivia's upper chest and her face.

Olivia's movements became more panicked, and her distress increased. She tried to pull away from Alex; trapped in her nightmare, she just wanted to escape.

"Liv, listen to me," Alex cupped Olivia's cheek. "You need to wake up now, honey. It's over. You're safe Liv, I swear to you."

Olivia jerked away violently. "No!" she screamed loudly, and sat up, suddenly awake.

"Liv?" Alex kept her voice soft. "Olivia?"

Olivia, her face white as milk, turned to face Alex, her face a mask of anguish and confusion, tears streaming as she struggled to regulate her breathing.

Alex placed a hand unthreateningly on her back. "You had a nightmare, Olivia," she told her. "It's over now. It's over. You're safe."

Olivia just stared, horror and fear slowly leaching from her eyes. She nodded minutely.

"Can I hold you?" Alex asked.

Olivia nodded again, her movements almost imperceptible.

Alex shuffled closer to her and wrapped a strong arm around her shoulders. She used the wash cloth to wipe the tears from Olivia's face, and then pulled her gently into a hug. "Shh," she said, "just try and relax. Just give yourself a minute, Liv. It's over now. The worst is over."

Alex heard a soft tap at the door, and saw Sarah's concerned face as the door opened. "She's okay," she mouthed to her niece. "Nightmare," she said quietly.

Sarah nodded. "I'm here if you need me," she said.

"Thank you," Alex continued to gentle Olivia in her arms, rocking her. She felt Olivia turn her face into her front, wrapping her arms round the blonde attorney. "We're okay now, aren't we Liv?"

Sarah nodded and withdrew.

Olivia clung tight to Alex as her breathing calmed. She inhaled sharply, and her tears started to fall anew as she remembered fragments of her nightmare.

"Shh," Alex pulled the quilt around Olivia's shoulders. "You're okay, Liv. We all are. Let it out, baby, cry all you want to," she kissed her softly. "You'll feel better real soon."

Olivia stayed in Alex's grip for long minutes. Eventually her sobbing slowed. "It was so real," her voice was hoarse.

"You want to talk about it?" Alex asked.

"It felt so real. The baby. It had my father's face," Olivia's breathing started to speed up.

"Your father? But you don't know what he looks like?"

"I know. But it was so real. And then he hurt you. Our baby. He was a monster. I hated our baby Alex," Olivia looked up into Alex's face. "How could I do that? How could I ever hate a baby? But he wasn't a baby. He was a man, it doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense. I knew I had to protect you."

"Nightmares don't make sense, Liv. They never do. They're always odd fragments."

"How could I hate a baby, Alex? I wished our baby dead. _I'm_ the monster, Alexandra. Maybe it's my father's genes coming out in me now. This baby," she clutched her belly. "This innocent. I hated it. Alex, I'm so sorry. I'm not fit to be a mother."

"Liv, it was a nightmare. All your worries come out in nightmares. You're going to be a wonderful mother. This baby," she placed her hand over Olivia's, "is the luckiest in the world. It gets to have you as its mom. You can't ask for better than that."

"You too," Olivia was finally calming down.

"The dream team," Alex teased gently. "We're going to have a wonderful time, our family. The four of us. _And_," her eyes twinkled with mischief, "our built-in daughter over there," she nodded in the direction of Sarah's room, "is old enough to babysit. We planned that well, huh, Liv?"

Olivia tried to smile. She remembered something. "Was Sarah here?" the events of the night were muddled.

"Just for a moment. She must have heard you scream."

"I screamed? Oh God, Lex. And I woke you up, you need your sleep. You haven't been sleeping well. Alex, I'm so sorry, I didn't..."

Alex silenced Olivia with a soft kiss. "It's okay, Liv. _Everything's_ okay. Everything's going to be okay. You're anxious. We both are. Neither of us is sleeping as well as we should. It's natural. There's a huge change coming."

"A good change," Olivia said, and tried to stifle a yawn.

"A wonderful change," Alex agreed. "Think you could sleep now?"

Olivia looked up at her. "I don't want to wake you up again, if..."

"You won't," Alex told her, noticing that Olivia was struggling to keep her eyes open. "There won't be any more nightmares tonight," she sounded confident. "Let me hold you. I'll keep you safe. There, you're okay," she helped Olivia to lie down and pulled her into her lap. She rocked her gently, smiling as Olivia drifted almost immediately into sleep, burrowing into her lover. At long last, Alex felt her muscles relaxing. She unbuttoned her nightshirt. She knew the one thing that always settled Olivia, even after the worst cases. She pulled Olivia's head to her exposed breast, cupping the back of her head so that her nipple pushed against Olivia's lips. Involuntarily, Olivia's mouth closed round the soft, plump flesh, and Alex smiled as she felt Olivia nestle into her, suckling gently. "No more nightmares," she whispered, pulling her tight. "You're safe now Liv."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

It was almost 11am when Olivia awoke, alone. She felt greatly refreshed, and then remembered back to the night before, unsure as to what was real and what she had dreamed. She climbed out of bed and shrugged on a robe.

Sarah was in their kitchen, reading the newspaper. She looked up and saw Olivia. She went over to her and hugged her. "Hey," she smiled. "You okay?"

Olivia nodded, as she lowered herself into a chair. "I'm sorry about last night. I think I woke the whole house," she tried to smile.

Sarah put her hand on her shoulder. "You're okay now?"

"I'm great. I slept like the dead afterwards. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Sarah told her. "You're anxious. You're nine months' pregnant, Olivia. Anyone would be anxious. You sure you feel okay this morning?"

Olivia smiled. "Truly, I feel good."

Sarah smiled back. "Tea?" she suggested.

Olivia nodded. "Is Alex around?" she asked.

"She went for a run. Said she wanted to clear her head. I told her I'm here until early this afternoon."

"Is she alright?" Olivia was worried.

"She's fine. More than fine. Said she just wanted to get some fresh air. And she does love to run."

"We used to run together. Before," Olivia smiled ruefully, looking down at her bump. "I can't wait to get out there with her again."

"It won't be long," Sarah smiled.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

As Alex's feet pounded against the tarmac, she took deep, cleansing breaths. She hadn't wanted to leave the apartment, to leave Olivia. But Sarah had persuaded her to take some time to herself. "You'll be better able to help Olivia if you're feeling good," Sarah had said. "And neither of you will have a minute to yourself as soon as the baby arrives. Go. I'll stay here. We'll call if anything happens."

Alex lengthened her stride, feeling her muscles stretch. Sarah had been right, this was just what she needed. She loved Olivia more than she had ever imagined she could. But Olivia had baggage. Just like she did. Olivia's baggage was even worse than her own, though, and the specter of the monster who had raped her mother would always be there. The only thing she could do was to ensure that Olivia's family, _their_ family, kept the nightmares at bay. Having a child of her own was the best thing for Olivia. It would go such a long way toward healing her. And it would make Alex's own family problems seem insignificant. So what if her mother and her sister despised her? She had the love of the sweetest person in the world, and they were having a baby together.

Alex stopped at a bench and took out her phone, pressing 1 on the speed dial.

"Alex?" Olivia's voice answered.

"Hey," Alex suddenly felt foolish.

"What's wrong?" Olivia sounded anxious.

"Nothing," Alex said. "I just wanted to tell you I love you. So much."

"Where are you?" Olivia asked.

"In the park. On the bench, just by the water," Alex referred to one of their favorite places. "I'll be home in 20 minutes."

"But you had to call _now_ to tell me you loved me? It couldn't wait 20 minutes?" Olivia's voice was laced with humor.

"Nope, it couldn't wait," Alex smiled as she spoke, the sound of her lover's voice balm to her ears.

"Well I love you too, Alexandra," Olivia was sincere. "I didn't know love could be like this. I love you more than I could ever express. The Rookie does too," she caressed her bump unwittingly.

"You want sweet rolls for breakfast?" Alex asked. "I go right past the bakery."

Olivia grinned; Alex knew all about her weakness for warm, sweet rolls. "That would be wonderful. I tell you what else would be wonderful," her tone was teasing.

"Oh yes?" Alex rejoiced at the sparkle she heard in Olivia's voice.

"We haven't tried out the new shower," Olivia said.

"I used it yesterday? You did too, Liv?" Alex was confused.

"Not together," Olivia said huskily. "We should find out if that massive shower head covers us both. Just as an experiment, you understand."

"Scientific research, you mean?" Alex felt her pulse quicken. "I'm on my way."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Hey," Olivia smiled as Alex caressed her under the pounding droplets. "Somebody's woken up!"

Alex grinned, both hands on Olivia's belly; she could feel the baby doing its morning exercises. She looked into Olivia's eyes. "Are you okay with all of this?" her voice suddenly serious.

Olivia nodded. "More than okay. I don't know what happened last night; I think I had a kind of meltdown."

"You had a nightmare," Alex said tenderly. "It's not your fault."

Olivia looked deep into her eyes. "I'm ready for this. For him. Or her. I don't care which. I can't wait, Alex. I know, it's going to be exhausting. And labor's not going to be a barrel of laughs. But this baby," she placed her hands over Alex's. "I truly feel that it's part of you. Of us. It's going to bring us so much joy."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**Monday morning**_

"I don't want to go," Alex complained as Olivia pushed her toward the door. "What if something happens?"

"Then I'll call," Olivia said patiently, for the fifteenth time that morning.

"I want to start my leave now," Alex said.

"I know you do, baby. But you only get two weeks of 'paternity' leave," she laughed at the expression. "So it makes sense not to start before the baby's here. And, honestly, I don't feel anything. Apart from huge and ungainly. Nothing unusual's happening. I swear to you."

"You swear you won't go out alone?" Alex nagged.

"Cross my heart," Olivia passed her her briefcase. "Now get out of here," she pushed her out of the door.

"'kay," Alex said reluctantly. "Liv?"

"I'll call. The moment I feel anything," Olivia laughed.

Alex cupped her face with one hand. "God, you're beautiful. Why have I never noticed how beautiful you are?" Leaning forward she captured Olivia's lips in a passionate kiss.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Alex, you have to stop calling," Olivia laughed as she picked the phone up for the fifth time that day. She no longer even bothered to look at the caller display, she knew it would be her lover.

"I just want reassurance," Alex's pout was audible over the phone.

"I know, baby. I tell you what, how about I text you crossword clues? Then you can answer them when you get a moment, if you want to, and you'll know nothing's changed here."

Alex brightened. "That's a great idea. I can check my phone when I get out of court. But you swear you'll call Louanne if anything happens when I'm in court? She'll come get me," Alex referred to her ever-helpful secretary, who was almost as excited about the baby as she was.

"I swear. Here's your first clue; 12 down, 'A confused English beach'"

"Shingle," Alex replied immediately. "You're going to have to do better than that."

"I'll text you the harder ones. Now get back to work, woman," Olivia laughed.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**Five days later**_

"It's a week late," Alex said. "You're really not feeling anything?"

"Nothing new," Olivia told her.

"How late can it go?"

"They won't do anything until two weeks. But I don't want to be induced, Alex. This baby knows what it's doing. If it's not ready, then it's not ready. I don't want any sort of intervention. As long as the baby's okay."

"There are natural things you can do to _encourage_ it," Alex grinned. "I've heard that sex can really get things going."

"I'm kinda tired today, Lex," Olivia was apologetic. "And my back hurts. I'm not really feeling in the mood."

"That's okay, Liv," Alex immediately understood. "How does a massage sound to you?"

"Like bliss," Olivia said. Alex gave the most wonderful massages.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Seventeen days," Olivia snapped at Elliot's question.

"So you're feeling grumpy, uncomfortable and bored of people asking when that baby's coming?" Elliot tried not to smile.

"I'm sorry, El," Olivia put a hand out to her partner. "And it's so kind of you to visit. I'm going stir-crazy here."

"What time is Alex working until?" Elliot asked.

"5pm, she's never late these days," Olivia smiled. "She's been amazing, Elliot."

"Phoning every ten minutes, I'll bet?"

"No," Olivia smiled again, "we made a deal. I text her crossword clues throughout the day, so she knows I'm okay and that nothing's happened."

He smiled. "What a good idea," he said. He looked at his watch. "It's 3.30pm now. Why don't I drive you to her office? You can sit there for an hour until she finishes. At least it'll get you out of the house."

"Would you really?" Olivia levered herself awkwardly to her feet. "That would be wonderful. I've promised Alex I won't go out alone, but this place is driving me nuts."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"You have a vistor," Louanne smiled as Alex strode though the outer office on the way to her office.

Alex's face fell. It was nearly 4pm, and she was determined to leave at 5pm.

Louanne laughed at the almost comic look of disappointment on Alex's face. "I don't think you'll mind this visitor," she said.

Alex opened the door to her office, and saw Olivia sitting on the client chair. "Liv!" she cried. "Is something happening? What are you doing here? Don't tell me you took a cab? I thought you were going to stay in?"

Olivia laughed. "Which question should I answer first? I'm okay, Alexandra. And no," she pouted. "The Rookie has shown no intention of coming out today. And I didn't take a cab, Elliot suggested dropping me here. I was going crazy, Alex. And I promised you I wouldn't go out alone. _And_," she ran her hand lovingly down Alex's cheek. "You look so hot in a business suit," she allowed her hand to travel lower and slip inside Alex's suit jacket. She cupped a pert breast. "We're leaving in a hour, right?" her voice was a little breathy.

Alex nodded. "I have to finishing these files," she gestured reluctantly to her desk.

Olivia kissed her. "Okay," she agreed mildly, and settled herself back in the client chair. "Just as long as you don't have plans for this evening."

"I do now," Alex told her.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Eighteen days," Alex said. "When do you next see the OBGYN?"

"Tomorrow morning," Olivia said. "If nothing...," she waved her hands expressively.

"I really don't want to go in today. You've got the paper, right?" Alex looked around her.

"I have," Olivia smiled. "And I haven't started the crossword yet. Call me at lunch, huh?"

Alex nodded. "I'm so sorry, baby. I know this is real hard for you."

"It's nearly over," Olivia said. "It's going to be worth it."

_**Four hours later**_

Alex's phone beeped; she hadn't had a crossword clue in nearly two hours, and was beginning to worry. She saw that it was a message from Olivia, and smiled.

_Special clue for you Alex. 'Why is today the first Monday in September?'_

_Call me when you can. O. xxx_

Alex was already dialing the phone when it hit her. The first Monday in September. Labor Day. Labor Day!

"Liv?" Alex shrieked when Olivia picked up.

Olivia could hear the excitement in her lover's voice. "Take it easy, counselor," she sounded remarkably calm.

"Is … is it?"

"It is, Alexandra, at least I think it is. Two contractions, but not very strong."

"I'm on my way."

"There's no hurry. You could probably wait until after lunch, nothing much is going to happen for ages."

"I'm on my way," Alex repeated. "Are you alone?"

"I'm fine, Lex," Olivia was patient. "I only sent that text because I promised. I swear, nothing's going to happen, not for a long time. And you're only 20 minutes away. I want you to promise you'll drive carefully Alex? I couldn't bear it if you were in an accident."

"Of course I'll be careful. Liv, I know it's silly, but will you stay on the line? I'll put you on the speaker once I get to the car. I just want to hear your voice. It'll stop me panicking."

"Whatever you want, baby, whatever makes you feel best."

Alex was already in her coat and she strode out of her office, stopping only to smile at Louanne, and raise her thumb in celebration. Louanne's face split into a wide smile. "Good luck!" she mouthed at her boss.

The door was open as Alex approached the apartment, and an excited Olivia stood at the threshold. "Kiss me," Olivia demanded. So Alex did.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"How long since her first contraction?" Melinda asked Alex on the phone.

"Six hours," Alex told her. "But she's only had three contractions so far."

"I'm fine!" Olivia shouted, making Melinda smile at the end of the phone.

"It can be a long process," Melinda told Alex. "Want me to come and check her over?"

"Would you?" Alex asked. "I know I'm fussing, but..."

"You want reassurance. That's natural. I'll be there soon."

_**Half an hour later**_

"Well, nothing's going to happen for a while," Melinda said. "She's barely dilated. There's a long way to go."

"When should she go in?" Alex asked.

"Once the contractions are regular, and getting strong. She's hardly started labor yet."

"_She_ has a name," Olivia sounded pissed.

"I'm sorry, Liv," Melinda said. "I know this is frustrating for you. But you have a hell of a way to go yet. You need to try and relax."

Olivia nodded.

"I think it's going to be many hours yet. Would you like me to stay? Rosie can take care of the kids."

"We'll be okay," Olivia said, her mood softening. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be snarky."

Melinda laughed. "Oh you're going to get a hell of a lot snarkier than that before this is over! Just try and do what your body wants. Walk around. Take a bath. When your contractions are lasting over 30 seconds, and they're around ten minutes apart, then that's the time to get to the hospital. You've got everything ready?"

Alex nodded.

"Call me when you want a ride," Melinda told them.

"Sarah's on her way home," Olivia said. "She's promised to drive us in. But thanks."

Melinda hugged first Olivia, and then Alex. "You take care of each other?"

Alex nodded.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Liv?" Alex looked at her watch. It was now sixteen hours since Olivia's first contraction, and things were moving on, though horribly slowly, or so it seemed to both of them.

"That one was stronger," Olivia was a little breathless. "How long?"

"Seventeen seconds. Twenty-three minutes since the last one," she smiled, tiredly, at her lover. "You're doing good, Liv."

"What time is it?"

"Just after 3am," Alex said. "I don't suppose you could sleep?"

Olivia shook her head, and tears unexpectedly sprang to her eyes. She blinked, feeling encroaching nausea.

"You want to throw up again?"

Olivia nodded. "I think so," she whispered, miserably.

"Bathroom or basin?"

"Bathroom," Olivia moved to the edge of the bed, and was glad of Alex's supporting arm.

Alex held her as she heaved, wiping her brow with a damp washcloth, whispering soothing noises into her ear. Once she was done, Alex helped her back to the bed.

"M'sorry," Olivia whispered.

"Don't be sorry, baby," Alex said. "Melinda said it's a good sign. It's your body's way of dealing with a rush of hormones.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

By 8am, both Olivia and Alex were exhausted. The contractions were now 18 minutes apart, and lasting for anything up to 22 seconds. After a very difficult two hours in the night, Olivia's nausea had finally subsided, and she was taking regular sips of soda to keep her hydrated. Despite Alex's pleas, she still refused any food.

Sarah knocked on the door. "C'm'in," Alex said tiredly. She smiled at her niece.

"What can I do?" Sarah asked.

"Nothing," Olivia said, her voice a little weak. "There's nothing any of us can do. Melinda's on her way over, she just wants to check things. It's a waiting game. You can take Alex through, make her eat some breakfast," she smiled at her lover, noting the dark rings under her eyes.

"I'll bring some toast in," Sarah compromised, seeing the stubborn look in her aunt's eyes.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

"Nearly six centimeters," Melinda smiled at Olivia. "And the heartbeat is good and strong."

"We just have to wait?" Olivia sounded miserable.

"I need you to try and sleep. Even if it's only a half hour at a time," Melinda put a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "I know it's difficult, Olivia, but it's only going to get harder. You need to have all your strength for the next bit."

Olivia nodded.

"Thanks, Melinda," Alex said as the doctor made to leave.

"Call me. Any time," Melinda said.

Alex climbed into the bed with Olivia and put her arm round her. Olivia snuggled into Alex as best as she could. "Try and relax, Liv," Alex soothed.

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**5.40pm**_

"Lex?" Olivia panted, the pain driving through her body.

"Nearly there, honey, that's it, that's good," Alex's hands felt the contraction lessen. Finally Olivia relaxed and fell back on the bed. Alex looked at her watch. "29 seconds, 14 minutes apart. I think we should go in, Liv, what do you think?"

Olivia nodded, exhausted. "I think so," she croaked.

"We can get you some proper pain relief too," Alex wiped her face.

"No epidural," Olivia insisted.

"Whatever you want, honey, you're in charge. I'll just tell Sarah."

**a$a$a$a$a$a$a$**

_**10.45pm**_

"It's been thirty-six hours," Alex pleaded with the midwife. "Are you sure she's okay?"

"They're both fine," the midwife smiled. "It won't be too long now. You're doing real good, Olivia," she said. "And the baby's heartbeat is strong as an ox."

Olivia nodded, sweat pouring from her brow. Another contraction hit her, and she grasped Alex's hand. The pain was indescribable, and it seemed that the hits of gas and air that she had so enjoyed initially were making little or no difference. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Alex was beside herself, she hated seeing her lover in such pain, and not being able to help.

"It's nearly time to push," the midwife said. "Olivia, do you want Alex to hold you? It might help if she sits behind you and helps you to sit up a bit."

Olivia nodded weakly. "It hurts so much."

Alex, glad of something to do, settled herself behind Olivia.

"Try and support her when the next contraction comes," the midwife explained.

Olivia moaned and grabbed desperately behind her for Alex's hand. Alex took her hand and, with the other, rubbed comforting strokes on Olivia's belly. She could feel the muscles contracting under her hand. "Nearly there, Liv," Alex whispered. "Nearly there, my sweet girl. You're doing so well. I know, baby, I know, it hurts. But it's nearly over."

Olivia collapsed back into Alex's arms.

The midwife made another check. She looked up and smiled. "It's time to push," she said. "At the next contraction, I want you to push for all you're worth."

Olivia nodded. Two minutes later, Alex felt her tensing up. She held her tight. "That's it Olivia. You're so close. It'll all be worth it."

Olivia screamed as she pushed, the contraction seeming to last for ever. Finally it was over and she slumped exhaustedly into Alex's arms.

"That's the head," the midwife said. "One more should do it. Come on, Olivia."

The next contraction went on for ages, and Olivia saw spots start to dance in front of her eyes. She couldn't take the pain any longer. "I've got you Liv, I've got you, that's it baby, you're amazing. Be strong, you're my hero. You're so close."

Olivia let out a gutteral cry as she felt the baby finally slide out of her. The midwife busied herself under the sheet, and for a split second Olivia thought she could die with fear. Then a thin cry was heard.

The midwife looked up, a small, mewling bundle in her hands. "You have a daughter," she said. "A beautiful baby daughter. Want to cut the cord?" she asked Alex.

Alex looked stunned, her usually immaculate hair in disarray, her clothes rumpled. Olivia glanced back at her; she had never looked more beautiful. Alex eased out from behind Olivia, helping her to lie comfortably on the pillows. She took her hand, and looked at her. "Shall I?" she asked.

Olivia smiled. "Of course," she said. She reached up a shaking hand and cupped Alex's cheek. Alex leant forward and kissed her softly.

After cutting the cord, the midwife wrapped the tiny, whimpering baby in a soft blanket. "You want to hold your daughter?"

Alex looked over at Olivia again. Olivia nodded, tears gathering in her eyes.

Very tenderly, Alex took the child, her heart bursting with love and pride. "She's okay?" she asked the midwife.

"She's perfect," the midwife smiled back.

Very carefully, Alex took the precious bundle and carried her to Olivia's arms. "Someone wants to meet her momma," she whispered, as she lowered her onto Olivia's chest.

Olivia was overwhelmed at the sight of their child.

"Skin to skin is good," the midwife said gently. She pulled the blanket to one side, and adjusted Olivia's robe, angling the baby so that she was naked against Olivia's bare chest. The baby's whimpers stopped immediately as she nestled into her mother.

"She's beautiful," Olivia gently stroked the downy hair on the baby's head. Tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks. "She's so beautiful. She looks like you, Alexandra."

Alex was clutching the side of the bed. Kindly, the midwife guided her into a chair.

Olivia grimaced once more. "That's just the afterbirth coming away," the midwife said, moving efficiently down the end of the bed. "That's great, Olivia. All done now. It's all over. Congratulations, mommies! You have a daughter. Does she have a name?"

Olivia looked at Alex. "I want you to choose," they had had endless discussions about names, but had never come to a conclusion, both agreeing that they needed to meet their child before they could decide. "But I get to choose the middle name."

Alex reached out, and stroked the top of the baby's head. "I want to call her Lily," she said, decisively.

Olivia looked surprised; Lily had never come up as a name, but now, she realized, there was no other name that would do. "It's perfect," she whispered. "Hey, Lily."

"We should tell Sarah," Alex said. "She's waiting outside."

Olivia nodded. "Tell her to come in."

Moments later, Sarah entered the room, holding Alex's hand.

"Hey," Olivia said, almost shyly. "We want you to meet the newest member of the family. This is Lily Alexandra Benson. Your sister."

Alex stared at Olivia. "I said I wanted to choose her middle name," Olivia smiled.

Sarah's eyes filled with tears, not only at the sight of the child, but at being so completely accepted into the Cabot-Benson household. "She's beautiful," she whispered.

"You want to hold her?" Olivia asked.

"Can I?" Sarah asked.

Alex led Sarah to the chair and, very carefully, lifted her daughter from her fiancée, and laid her in Sarah's arms. Alex kissed Sarah on the cheek. "Sometimes," she took Olivia's hand. "Sometimes, your family is what you make it. This is our family now. Nothing will ever break us apart."

END

_**A very big thank you to all of you who have stuck with this story to the bitter end. I have really appreciated all your feedback and reviews, they have kept me focused!**_

_**I hope you have all enjoyed the story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. **_

_**I may do a sequel at some point, but for the moment, please enjoy the new family!**_


End file.
